the MODEST girl

I recently read a post on Facebook written by someone I don't know that went along these lines:

 "Parents, please make sure your daughter dresses modestly so my son doesn't get addicted to pornography."

{Ok, so that is a slight exaggeration}

But, it may as well been that blatant of a statement, which, by the way, infuriated me.

Regardless, I decided that, as a mother of two girls, I better get on this request of making sure my daughters are dressed a certain way.  So, I added it to my current To-Do list:

Monday: Take pictures of my daughters' wardrobe.  Send pictures to parents of boys for approval
{Note to self:  Research the most affordable place to buy pantsuits}

Tuesday:  Have a sit-down with my daughters.  Reiterate the importance of understanding the changes the male body experiences during puberty.  Make sure they understand how sensitive we should be towards our male friends.  

{Note to self: buy more tampons and Midol}

Wednesday:  Send an e-mail to Macy's, Nordstrom, etc., asking them when their new line of prom dresses with high-necks and sleeves will be in stock.  Find a full day to go dress shopping. 

{Note to self:  hire a good seamstress}

Thursday:   Take that first leap of faith by letting my daughter walk to a friends house by herself.  But first, review the family "code" word.  Buy some more pepper spray.
{Note to self:  Research self-defense classes}

Friday:   Encourage daughters to get good grades, and tell them I hope they plan to attend college.  Help them understand that exercising their minds is just as important as exercising their bodies.
{Note to self:  Research how to teach your daughter that looks are not the most important thing while simultaneously teaching her that she needs to look a certain way.}

...

Don't get me wrong.  I understand the basic principle behind the original post.  I have standards for my daughters and do not think they should be allowed to wear whatever they want.  And I'll do my best to make sure that when they leave my house they are dressed in a manner that I deem appropriate.

But, the bottom line is this:

It is not my responsibility, nor my daughters' responsibility, to make sure your son does not engage in anything improper or immoral, be it actions or thoughts.

That's your responsibility.  

But, mostly, it's his responsibility.

So, if you could take the state of your son's morality off my plate of things to do, I'd really appreciate it.

{#ohsnap!}

a GOOD THING

After awhile, the comments regarding how much my daughter's life was going to change began to overwhelm me.  On the one hand, I was so excited to welcome a new baby girl into our family.  But, at the same time, I felt extremely guilty at the idea of turning Isabelle's world upside down.

How could I do this to my little girl?

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I began having doubts about whether or not having another child was a good idea.  Obviously, we were going to have another child either way, but I sincerely questioned my ability to handle all the challenges that were waiting for me.

But then something wonderful happened.  You hear women say all the time that they felt an immediate bond with their child the second he/she was born.  I didn't feel that at all with my first daughter, but I did with my second.  It was very unexpected and surprising.

I remember feeling how grateful I was that she was healthy and that I was finally able to hold her in my arms.  As I looked at her in awe, an overwhelming feeling came over me that this was right.  Despite the difficulties ahead, her arrival was no mistake.  This is what was suppose to happen and it was a very, very good thing for our family.

It's now been a month since the birth of our little girl.  Isabelle has come such a long way and genuinely enjoys her little sister.  Things aren't perfect and I still struggle with how to manage it all, but I know things are how they are suppose to be.

And that makes the hard times worthwhile and the good times that much better.

BABBABOX project

Isabelle and I had a great opportunity to do a project thanks to the wonderful people at BabbaBox.  

We received this great box in the mail and couldn't wait to see what was all inside.  To our delight, our box was all based on the theme Sun, Moon and Stars.  

It came with two different projects for us to complete,

a storybook, 

and a set of binoculars.  

In other words, everything any child could want to learn more about the universe!

Isabelle really wanted to create her own constellation.  She's really into stars and stickers, so it was the perfect activity for her.  The best part, I didn't have to get anything.  BabbaBox had all the tools and supplies necessary to complete the project along with step-by-step instructions.

Isabelle loved the stickers and creating her own constellation.

Now, I should mention that BabbaBox wasn't able to provide one crucial ingredient for this project and that was the sun.  I waited and waited and waited for the sun to shine, but alas I was stuck with overcast days.  Isabelle had her heart set on this project, so I decided to do what I could to still make it a success by using what light I had in the house.

Here she is immersing her project in water.

Letting it dry.

Isabelle taking advantage of the coloring pages while we waited for everything to dry.

In the end, our project didn't go completely according to plan, but we had a great experience trying.  And sometimes that's the best part!

What I loved most about BabbaBox is the convenience of it all.  I literally had everything I needed to spend a few quality hours with my daughter delivered right to my doorstep.  I always intend to do crafts with Isabelle, but I always find myself not having what is needed on hand.  

Thanks BabbaBox!

...

BabbaBox is a theme-based box delivered to your door that allows you to enjoy a little convenience and inspiration! As any parent can attest, the most important thing you can give to your child is quality time. BabbaBox makes this possible by helping you to save time, money, & mindspace.

Just think! Fantastic monthly activities with ALL the materials for kids ages 3-6. Included in the box are 3 projects + 1 bestselling book + digital download + parent surprise gift!

The best part? Babbabox makes a GREAT unique gift during the holiday season.

Act now! Get 50% off your first month when you sign up for a monthly membership using the code, SWAY100. Offer expires December 31, 2012.

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of BabbaBox. The opinions and text are all mine.

the SECOND time around

Even though I am expecting my second child, there are a lot of things about this pregnancy and the situation in general that are very new.  I feel like I am preparing for this baby sort of like I did with Isabelle in that there are so many things I don't know what to expect.

For example, I was pregnant with Isabelle while we lived in Idaho.  Living in Utah means I now have a new OB/GYN and will be delivering at a different hospital.

We now live in a much smaller house.  Space was literally not an issue when we were preparing for Isabelle's arrival.  Her bedroom was plenty big to easily accommodate her crib, rocking chair, changing table, etc.  Now, I'm in the process of converting our office into the nursery, finding new space for our office, and deciding what baby necessities and furniture I can sell, so I can buy something similar, but smaller.

Sure, I'm only 4 months along, but I'm also 4 months along and it seriously feels like I just barely found out I was pregnant.  In other words, time is going by quickly and the new baby will be here before I know it, so there really is no reason to procrastinate.

And then there's the ultimate dilemma:  what to name the baby.  This will be an easier decision to make once we know the gender of our child {which we should find out in less than 2 weeks!}.  We were dead set on Isabelle from the moment we found out we were pregnant, so, again, this "up in the air-ness" with the name is only slightly annoying me.

Overall, I suppose I didn't expect to feel so unprepared this time around.  But, like all things, it will work out.  I just know it!

Thoughts?

my JOURNEY to BABY #2

A little over three months ago, I started a part-time job.  At the time, Dustin and I had been trying for the better part of a year to get pregnant.  For some reason, I didn't think there was physically anything wrong with either of us.  I guess my intuition let me know it was more about timing than anything else.

I decided to work again because I felt like there was a specific reason why I wasn't getting pregnant.  The most obvious being finances.  Maybe we needed to get a bit more into our savings account before another little one could join our family?  Or, something like that.

A month after I started my job, I was asked about a promotion.  I still had a lot to learn about the job responsibilities, and if I accepted the promotion I wouldn't have been promoted right away but rather trained for a few months until I was really ready.

I talked to my husband about it.  This new job would mean working full-time and putting Isabelle into daycare.  I have nothing against daycare until the majority of my paycheck goes to pay for it, making my job somewhat pointless.

At the end of the day, I just couldn't feel right about.  But I didn't necessarily feel like it was the wrong thing to do either.  I chalked up my feelings to perhaps being nervous about being promoted or feeling like things were moving too fast.

I told my managers that I was interested in the promotion, hoping if I moved forward with things I'd get a clear answer of, "Yes, this is the right thing."  Or, "No, don't accept the job offer."  But, again, I continued to feel hopelessly confused.  There didn't seem to be a clear, cut and dry solution to my dilemma.

Then, one day, I had this thought:

Try one more month to get pregnant.  If it doesn't work, you'll know you should take the job.

It was a very clear and distinct thought, one that I believe to be an answer to my prayers.  I told Dustin about the impression I had been given, and he agreed to try for one more month.  I warned him that I felt very strongly about this and to prepare for me to finally get pregnant.  But, honestly, in the back of my mind I didn't think it would happen.

In early June, a few days before my period was expected to begin, I thought I saw a little pink on my toilet paper.  My heart sank.  I wasn't pregnant.  It was nighttime, so as I climbed into bed I began to sob.  It was the first time I had ever become emotional during the entire time we were trying.  Dustin held me in his arms as I cried, feeling more confused than ever.

But then something weird happened.  My period didn't really start.  To make things more complicated, I needed to make some changes to my seizure medication, and didn't want to if I was pregnant.  So, against my better judgement, I took a pregnancy test.  It was still a day or two before my period was actually suppose to start.  The test looked weird, but it was negative.  It certainly didn't look positive.

I spent the next week on edge, waiting for the dang thing to start.  After all, the test had been negative and I had started to sort of spot days earlier.

Finally, 9 days after my missed period, which just so happened to be on Father's Day, I took another test.  I felt stupid doing so, but I just had to know for certain one way or the other.

And, holy cow, the test was positive!

Now, a little over a month later, I continue to be in awe about our little adventure.  I'm not completely sure why things happened the way they did.  Maybe I'll know when the baby is here.  Maybe I'll never know.  In the end, it doesn't really matter.

...

I'm 11 weeks today.  This pregnancy is kicking my butt.  I feel sick all the time.  The summer heat makes everything worse.  We spend most of our time inside because I have no energy to go out and do anything.  Food is my worst enemy.  Work is no longer fun.  I long to always be at home resting.  I miss my beloved Dr. Pepper.

But, it's totally worth it.

NO KIDS allowed

Here are a few of my thoughts on businesses that are choosing to be anti-kid.

You want my child to be well-mannered and behaved in a restaurant?  How am I suppose to do that if the only restaurant she's allowed to be in is McDonald's?

You don't want to hear a peep from my daughter during a movie?  I don't want to hear you chomping on your popcorn and looking at your cell phone every five seconds.  Oh, and I also don't want to hear you and your friend discuss the movie, during the movie.

You don't think my child shouldn't be allowed in an airplane?  May I remind you that you were once a child and chances are you rode on an airplane when you were young.  Can you imagine if some bratty flight attendant told you you couldn't go to Disneyland?

...

Intolerance for "kids being kids" is getting to the point of being completely out of control.  I can't teach my child how to be a good child in public if she's not allowed in public.  And, let's not forget how rude, annoying and down right disrespectful adults can be.  

We've all been to a movie when we've wanted to clobber the adult people behind us because they won't shut up.

We've all been to a restaurant where a group of adults are carrying on as if they are the only people on earth.

I get that parents need to control their kids.  I get it.  Believe me I do.

And I don't believe children should be allowed everywhere.  If I ever plan on going to a fancy restaurant, believe me, my daughter will not be in attendance.

But, grocery stores?

Is hearing a child misbehave really that big of a deal in terms of the overall wellness of your grocery shopping experience?

...

To sum things up, how in the world do people expect me to raise a well-rounded, polite, well-behaved, cultured daughter if she's not allowed to go anywhere?

Thoughts?

my WEEK

Last Thursday, exactly one hour before I was scheduled to be at work, my daughter had explosion issues.  I didn't worry at first, but it just wouldn't stop. 

I immediately called the baby-sitter and told her not to worry about watching Isabelle.

I frantically called my husband, practically begging him to come home from work early.

Then I called my work, explained my situation and said I would be possibly 30 minutes late.

I heard there were a few more explosions while I was at work.

...

On Monday, it started all over again.  At basically the same time of day:  right before I had to go to work.

Seriously?

My mom agreed to watch Isabelle.  Thankfully I had one Pull-Up left in the house.  Unfortunately, it didn't last long, but Isabelle was nice enough to not put her grandma through any torture.

Once Dustin got home, there were a few more explosions - literally one right after the other.

And Dustin threw up because of it all.

That night, while the rest of the world was sleeping, we had to give two emergency baths plus a few loads of laundry.

...

The fun-ness of it all continued on Tuesday.  Thankfully I didn't have to work that day, so all we did was sit around and do nothing.

I'll admit, it was pretty much awesome, ya know, in between all the baths and clean up and dry heaving.

 My FB status that day:  "Parenthood is full of endless joy.  And endless diarrhea."

...

Last night, Isabelle woke up every hour with night terrors.  She was easy to calm down, but getting up and out of bed got a little old.

Eventually, I caved and brought her into our bed.  We needed some serious sleep, and the screaming stopped once we did that.

And then she peed in our bed.

...

Well, that's been my week.  How about you?

M is for MOTHERHOOD

This is a post I originally wrote right before Isabelle turned one year old.  I enjoy reading my previous posts, especially when it comes to motherhood.  Motherhood has rocked my world.  I don't think I'll ever consider myself anything but a "new mom" just because I feel like I'm constantly learning new things and changing and growing as a person all the while taking care of my little Bellie.

Enjoy!

THE HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE

My doctor decided to induce me six days before my due date because I was progressing well and my blood pressure was so high. It was a surreal experience waking up the morning of my appointment knowing, in a matter of hours, Isabelle would be here. It was much less exciting than having my water break randomly and rushing to the hospital, but I personally preferred having more control over the situation.

After I was hooked up to all the machines, I learned I was in the middle of a contraction. My labor and delivery nurse asked if I was in any pain, which I wasn't. I realize now (assuming the nurses/doctors would've let me), had I got the epidural as soon as I arrived I may have escaped the pain of contractions altogether. Because I waited a few hours before asking for the epidural, I now know the pain and discomfort they cause. It wasn't an enjoyable experience by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm glad I know what they feel like.

I've come to the conclusion that more often than not, nurses are really inconsiderate, condescending and overall lame. While I really liked my labor and delivery nurse, my recovery nurse and Isabelle's nurse were not my favorite. My nurse didn't seem too concerned with my needs, but rather getting through her shift. Isabelle's nurse focused more on scaring me half to death by letting me know all the horrible things that could happen if I didn't follow her guidance explicitly. I suppose I could've asked for new nurses, but taking my ER experiences into consideration I knew I didn't have a great pool of people to choose from. Bottom line, I learned not to take them too seriously.

THE INSTANT BOND

Being pregnant was a wonderful experience for me. I realize I had a cake walk of a pregnancy compared to others, but feeling Isabelle and experiencing her movement multiple times a day was very fun. She and I were buddies and it was a special 9 months.

On the other hand....

All of my life, I heard women express the instant bond they felt the first time they saw their baby. This was definitely not the case for me. Isabelle was born 5.5 hours after I got to the hospital. It was a very fast process and I pretty much went from one thing to the next with very few "waiting" periods. Before I knew it, I was looking at Isabelle. The first thing I remember thinking is how much she looked like Dustin. I wasn't overcome with any strong feelings. It wasn't until a few weeks had gone by that I began to bond and love her the way I always imagined. The bond grew when I knew she trusted me, when she recognized me and smile at me. It's a little difficult for me to admit I didn't bond with my daughter right away, but that's just how it happened.

FULL-TIME MOM

Anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis knows the transition from full-time employee to full-time mom was not easy for me. I had no idea how much I relied on my job for validation and a sense of worth and purpose. It was very difficult for me to appreciate the role of a stay-at-home-mom. Often times, I felt like I wasn't doing enough or that I was lazy. It wasn't until months had gone by that things started to click. It sounds very irrational, even ludicrous, that I didn't realize the importance of what I was doing, but I'm glad I went through it all because it was a great learning experience for me.

INFORMATION VS. INSTINCTS

My Bachelor's degree is in Family Studies. While in school, I often joked about how I would be such a great parent because I studied so much about parenting skills, childhood development, etc. As soon as Isabelle was born, I learned that my wealth of information wasn't always useful or practical. In fact, doing what "they" say you should was usually overshadowed by what would work in the here and now. While having information is a great tool and I refer to it often, I learned it was also important not to overlook my instincts and to trust my abilities. After all, "they" don't know everything. :) (Side note...during my pregnancy I started to read "What to Expect When You're Expecting." After a few chapters, I decided to use the book as a reference when I had a specific question. I liked this routine because it helped me focus on what was really going on with my body rather than filling my mind with what could potentially happen.)

TV

Although unexpected, my view of TV has changed this past year. I'm a big fan of crime shows, but I can no longer stomach watching shows in which children are harmed. It used to be just TV, nothing personal. Now, it's really personal. While I'm not paranoid or live in constant fear, I now realize more than ever the importance of good quality entertainment.

I always knew child abuse in any form was wrong; however, I now believe a person that abuses a child is nothing short of evil.

And now, last but not least........

DUSTIN

I absolutely love Dustin. He is a great husband and father. He is always there for me when I need him. I know he was nervous and unsure about having a baby, but I know that throughout this year he has grown to love Isabelle in a way I don't think he anticipated. I know he enjoys being a father.

Isabelle absolutely adores him. She knows when she hears the sound of the garage door opening, it means daddy is home from work. She gets so excited that she screams when she see him walk through the door. I love watching the two of them interact.

In the end, this year has left me feeling so content, so complete. I love my little family and I look forward to all the challenges and fun times that lie ahead.

P.S.

They say "it's different with your own kids." It's true. There's no explaining it. It's just true.

WISDOM in POTTY TRAINING

After a failed attempt to do so last summer, three weeks ago I began to potty train my 3 year old daughter.  The first week felt like a total loss.  The second week I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  And this week has been literally accident-free!

During the last few weeks, I have done a lot of reading about the best way to go about training my daughter.  And to be honest, I took a little bit of advice from various sources, but ultimately I had to rely heavily on my intuition as a mother and the fact that I know my daughter better than any "expert" before I really started to see results.

This has been a huge learning experience for me.  I feel like I can accomplish anything right about now, and I still have a ways to go before I feel like my daughter is completely trained.  So, I decided to share the wisdom I have gained, and hopefully it will be of some help to any parent that may be reading this.

ATTITUDE

I believe potty training is only as successful as your attitude.  I dare say the majority of your success is based almost entirely upon your ability to remain calm and cheerful and patient.  In order to do this, you must be prepared for this process to suck.  Even if it isn't as bad as you think, it is better to be pleasantly surprised than hopelessly discouraged.  The sooner I made up my mind to just embrace the horribleness of it all, the easier it was for me to accept accidents and the sweeter the pee looked in the potty.

COMMUNICATE

Your ultimate goal is to teach your child how to recognize the feeling of needing to use the potty and then going to the potty to do so.  

After a week full of accidents, I realized my daughter wasn't connecting the dots, and it dawned on me that I never communicated to her what she was suppose to do.  I thought I was by rushing her to the potty every time she started to pee, but the verbal communication was not there. 

I started to ask my daughter, "Where do you go when you need to pee/poo?"  At first I had to tell her the answer, but eventually she easily answered, "The potty!"  All day long, every few minutes or so, I asked her this question so she cognitively understood what this entire process was all about.

I believe most problems in life arise from a lack of verbal communication, and potty training is no exception.

DITCH THE UNDIES

During the first week of training, my daughter pranced around our house in a T-shirt and underwear.  I had read virtually everywhere that this was good training attire.  At the beginning of the second week, two people told me to ditch the undies, and even though it seemed weird at first, it worked.  I immediately saw success, and I attribute it to my daughter having one less thing to do before she went potty.  Instead of quickly pulling down the undies and quickly sitting on the potty, all she had to do was sit.  Ditching the undies simplified the process.

It was at this point in time that I decided to

DO THINGS IN STAGES

Stage One:  No undies and potty always in the same room

Stage Two:  Undies on and potty always in the same room

Stage Three:  Undies on and potty in the bathroom

Stage Four:  Undies on, pants on, potty in the bathroom

This may seem excessive to some people, but for my daughter taking things slow and giving her time to master everything one by one has really helped her be successful on a regular basis.  And, I'd rather take things slow and be successful than push my agenda on her and have accidents every day.

BEING IN PUBLIC

Of course, mastering the art of peeing in the potty at home is one thing.  Not having an accident in public is another.  Everything I read said to not do anything for a few days, and to be hermits until your child is trained.  Well, because my daughter wasn't completely trained in a few days, I had to interrupt the process every once in awhile.  And when we were out in public I put my daughter in a diaper, but the minute we got home she was back to her undies {or no undies depending on the stage}.  So long as I was consistent when it came to being at home versus not being at home, I felt okay about the interruptions.

Now that we're on stage four, I'm attempting to take her out in public with her undies on.  We'll take short drives or go to a restaurant and order our food to go.  All the while, I am asking her if she needs to go potty, and because our trips thus far have been short, if she expresses the need to go I always tell her we're almost home.

Another hurdle with being in public is public restrooms.  My daughter is currently using her own potty, so one of the things I am going to introduce to her soon is the big potty.  Because she does such a great job of letting me know when she needs to pee, once she is willing and able to go on the big potty being in public won't feel so daunting to me.

Any advice about being in public?

BEDTIME

I let my daughter wear just her PJs or PJs and undies to bed for a week, and she consistently woke up wet.  So, after a lot of thought, my husband and I decided to have her wear Pull-Ups at night until she starts waking up dry.  I don't refer to them as Pull-Ups. I call them her underwear just like I do her real underwear.  I honestly don't think she realizes the difference because one morning she told me she needed to use the potty shortly after she woke up and was still wearing her Pull-Up. If she thought it was diaper, she would've just gone in the Pull-Up.  I know Pull-Ups have a bad reputation for deterring the entire process, but for my daughter it works.

REFUSING TO GO

Because we had been down this road before, my daughter fought potty training with all her might.  She didn't have an accident or go to the potty AT ALL until 2:00p one afternoon.  She held it in FOR HOURS just so she wouldn't have deal with the change.  One stubborn cookie I created let me tell you!

What did I do?  I began taking things away and turning things off.  No TV on.  No toys out.  And, the thing she hated most:  no yellow blankie.  I learned that as soon as there wasn't anything to distract her from going potty, the sooner she would go.  The idea to turn things off and take things away was inspiration from above because it worked like a charm.  Within minutes, she was going potty and I immediately gave her back her things because I wanted her to associate losing privileges with not going potty.

REWARDS

What did I reward my daughter with?  Hershey Kisses.  She loves them, but rarely eats them.  In fact, before our potty training began I think she had only had one her entire life.  In other words, getting a Kiss every time she peed in the potty was a big deal.

I learned that I needed to make the reward as enticing as possible because I have a smart kid, and she knew a crappy bribe when she saw one.  No pun intended.

MAKE IT A BIG DEAL

Each and every time my daughter had a success, it was a BIG DEAL.  We clapped, we hugged, we looked at the pee in awe.  And, most importantly, we called Dad at work to let him know about the good news.  No matter what kind of mood my daughter was in before she had a success, she was ELATED afterwards.

And, don't worry about having to fake through this being a big deal.  It IS a big deal and if you're anything like me, you'll be just as elated as your child if not more so.

BE EASY ON YOURSELF

I can't tell you how many times I felt like a complete and utter failure.  After reading story after story about parents whose kids were potty trained in 3 days and knowing my daughter would be nowhere near trained in probably a month, I often wondered what I was doing wrong.  I constantly had to remind myself that things were okay and that everything would fall into place eventually.  My husband was a great support, and always told me what a great job I was doing.  He always told me how proud he was of me.  And pretty soon I stopped beating myself up because, in the end, I was doing the best that I knew how.

Ok, there's my wisdom on potty training.  I hope it helped someone out there.  And, please do share any tips or secrets you may have because the more wisdom I have the better!

be MEAN {sometimes}

There are many things that go on in my life that make me remember my unofficial motto:

"Choose your battles wisely."

More often than not, I will let annoying things that other people say or do just go because when all is said and done, it doesn't matter.  I have been taught my entire life to be a nice person, give service when needed and to treat others the way I want to be treated.  And, in general, I truly believe more people need to be tolerant of differences and overall more friendly.

But, there are exceptions to everything, including being nice.

I read a blog written by a girl named Lisa that is dealing with infertility issues.  Lisa and her husband recently moved to a new area, and she made the decision to keep her infertility to herself when she meets new people.

One day, while reading this blog, Lisa wrote about an experience she had when she had to completely hold her tongue.  She had just met a new girl in her neighborhood that made the remark that her life {meaning Lisa's life} would be much better if she had children.

Lisa chose to just nod her head and let the remark slide.

As I read what this perfect stranger had said to Lisa, I was appalled.  I was floored that someone would make such a suggestion to anyone, let alone a person she just met.

I was also floored by the comments the post generated.  Everyone was praising her behavior and that she made the right decision by not saying anything  

First of all, saying someone's life would be better if they had children is just a dumb thing to say.  A statement like that can only be said by a person that is completely void of any knowledge of life existing outside her own.  News flash Fertile Myrtle, just because you do the deed, doesn't mean you plant a seed.

Second of all, it was a mean and inconsiderate thing to say.  And because she chose to say it to a complete stranger tells me that she's learned she can say things like that and get away with it.  And, one of the primary reasons why she gets away with it is because people let her by not saying anything to the contrary. 

Can you imagine how this girl would've felt had Lisa explained that she wants nothing more than to be a mother, but that she is unable to conceive?  Yes, she'd have to share some personal details of her life in order to put this girl in her place, but at the same time she could have taught this ignorant girl a valuable lesson in manners and open-mindedness.

I'm all for being a good, nice person, and like I said before I let a lot of things go.  But, for crying out loud, when people say something that is down right wrong or offensive or just something they shouldn't say at all, call them on it.  Standing up for yourself does not mean you're a bad, awful, mean person.  If you don't say anything, people will continue to behave the same way, and you will continue to have to put up with it.

Obviously, everyone sees battles differently.  This is a battle I would've fought.  Lisa chose not to.

What do you think?

Q & A: on ADOTPION

Meet my cousin Alicia, and her husband Steve and their two sons Jack {right} and Kaleb {left}.

For the past year, this sweet, young family has been through all the ups and downs that go along with wanting to adopt a child, and I decided I wanted to share their story.  

Here are the few questions I asked Alicia about her family's adoption journey.

...

What circumstances in your life brought you to the decision to adopt?

On January 8, 2008, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy after being on bedrest for 3 months. During both of my pregnancies I was restricted to bedrest, but this pregnancy was more strict. At 6 months I was dialated to a five and was given two choices:  lay on my left side until 38 weeks or get sewn up! I was able to keep him cookin until 37 weeks, and we were so blessed when our healthy, 8 lb baby arrived.

After the pregnancy, however, I experienced terrible bleeding. At my baby’s four month checkup, I realized I shouldn't still be bleeding so much. Soon after, I had two surgeries that were suppose to stop the bleeding, but unfortunately didn’t.  After two more surgeries, I learned the placenta had grown into the uterus while I was on bedrest.  I was told I needed to have a hysterectomy. After a lot of prayer and support from my family, I went through with the hysterectomy at age 26.

 How long have you been in the adoption process and what has been the biggest challenge?

 We have been actively trying to adopt for a year now.  A lot of prayers and personal reflection went on as a couple and as individuals before we decided we wanted to go through with things. One of the hardest parts about adoption is that there are no guarantees that you will ever get a baby. When we planned our pregnancies there was so much immediate joy and satisfaction that we could bring new lives to our family.

The biggest challenge has been with finances. It is so ironic that there are so many babies/children that need good homes, but it costs anywhere from $20,000-$40,000 in order to bring those children into good homes. We are going to have an a silent auction and comedy show in the spring to raise money.

  

Do you have any preferences in terms of gender, race, ethnicity, etc.?

We would like to adopt a little girl if it is possible, but would be so happy to bring any healthy baby into our family! We do not have any preferences when it comes to race and have been told by private adoption agencies that Caucasian adoptions are the most expensive.

Have you felt support from your family and friends in your decision to adopt?

We have awesome families! Both of our extended families as well as friends have been so supportive of our decision. Some family members have expressed that fundraising may not be appropriate for our adoption costs, but Steve and I feel good about it.

What advice would you give to people wanting to adopt?

I think the first thing I would advise is to communicate with everyone you know that you are wanting to adopt. We have been told by many agencies that the majority of adoptions happen from people who know people who are pregnant or who want to adopt.  For Steve and I it has been so important just to have faith. We have had many manifestations to us that adoption is right for our family. Through all of the emotional hurdles we have been through this has been what keeps us going!

...

Thanks Alicia for your answers.  Adoption has always been something I thought I may do at some point in my life, so it was good for me to read your thoughts about the entire process.  I do hope you are able to find a happy ending to this long, emotional journey.

I am excited for Alicia and Steve's upcoming silent auction.  I am going to donate custom invitations/announcements.  If any of my readers would like to donate or participate, please let me know.

the MOTHER of the YEAR AWARD goes to...

It was a typical day.  My "something-month" old daughter and I were at home while Dustin was at work. It was bath time for my little one, so I turned on the water in the bathtub while I gathered up the soap, towels and, of course, my baby.

I gently began putting my daughter in the water.  Her back touched what was in the tub and the water that was still running from the faucet.  All of the sudden, she screamed.  It was a scream I had never heard before.  It was loud and I could tell by the look on her face she was frightened and in pain.

I quickly lifted her from the tub.  I looked at the faucet and realized I had forgotten to check the water.  The water that touched my child's body was hot.  Extremely hot. 

I wrapped a towel around my daughter's shaking body.  Despite what I had just done, all she wanted was for me to hold her.  I held on tight to my little one, holding back my tears and being so grateful that she was not more seriously harmed.  By this time, I'd noticed her back was free from any burn mark.

We skipped the bath that day.  

I'll never forget the sound of my sweet daughter's voice and the look of terror on her little face.  I felt like not only a horrible mother, but a horrible person in that moment.  

But, at the same time, I felt grateful that in her moment of need and fear, my daughter held onto me with all her might.  I knew that day that she trusted me and knew I would care for her.

As my daughter grows and matures and ventures off on her own, I hope she will always remember that I am here for her.  I hope she knows that she can hold onto me when she is frightened or sad.

I'm not exactly sure how to make sure she knows I'm always here for her other than just always being there for her.  So, hopefully that works.

I am so grateful to be a mother.

a NEW DECADE

Jack:  "Lemon, I want to thank you for showing me that I could have a pleasant 

evening with a woman my own age.

Liz:  "I'm twelve years younger than you."

Jack:  "A woman your age then."

-30 Rock

I turned 30 years old in December.  It's hard to believe that my years as a twenty-something are over.  So many things happened during those 10 years:

Moved out of my parents house

Graduated from college, earning a Bachelor's degree

Met and dated a lot (well, not a ton) of really great guys

Fell in love for the first time

Lost loved ones

Lived by myself

Got married

Sold a house

Moved out of state

Bought a house

Had a baby

Quit jobs

Started new jobs

Lived as a stay-at-home mom

Sold a house

Moved again

While my birthday itself was not one big party, I did spend a lot of time reflecting upon the last 10  years of my life.  I felt very glad for all the experiences I had.  Some were great.  Some were heartbreaking.  Some were surreal.  Some sucked big time.  But, when I look at my list I realize I have done a lot of things some people in their 20s may not have.  And, as a result, I feel very empowered as I venture into the next decade of my life.  I am taking so much knowledge and experience with me that I know will help me as a thirty-something person.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to comprehend that I am no longer this care-free high schooler or a sleep deprived college student or a single girl looking for the perfect guy.  Those were the days...in my 20s.

On the other hand, I still have plenty of time to experience things that will eventually be "those were the days" experiences.  And for that, I am excited.

Thoughts?

NEVER

"Never say never!"

-Good advice

I don't know where the saying "never say never" came from, but it really is good advice, especially if you don't want to look stupid for doing something you said you'd never do!

Here are two examples of when I never should've said never.

First, the mini van.  Everyone seems to have vans in Utah.  Wherever you go, there is always a plethora of vans on the road, in a driveway or in a parking lot.  Even my parents had a van.  Vans are everywhere!

When I got married, a little over five years ago, Dustin and I made the decision to never own a van.  We didn't like the look of the van, the stereotype that people that own vans have like a billion children and so forth.

Then, we bought Sammie, our Cocker Spaniel.

Then, we decided to keep Tod, the stray dog that wouldn't leave our porch and whose owners we could not find.

Then, our daughter Belle was born.

Throw in living hours away from both of our families; hence, a lot of time spent in the car just to visit family.

Combine all these things and the car we had just wasn't cutting it in terms of space and comfort.

So, we decided to look for a bigger car, keeping in mind we were NOT going to get a van.

Test drive after test drive after a dozen test drivers later, we finally agreed to check out a van.  As soon as I got into the car I KNEW it was the right vehicle for our family.   Not only did it have room for 7 people, it was so spacious.  All of our luggage would easily fit, the dogs would have plenty of room to lay down, and so much more.

We bought the van and have really been pleased with it ever since.  

Never say never!

Second, DVD players in cars.

You know how when you're not a parent you still seem to think you know what other parents should or should not be doing with their own children?  You see a mom letting her kid run around in a store and think, "My child will never do that!"  You walk around judging parents left and right as if you were the only person in the world that ever thought about discipline techniques.

Before my daughter was born, and whenever I was on the freeway or doing some city driving, I constantly saw cars that had DVDs in them.  In all my ignorance, I swore, when I had children, there would never be a DVD player in the car.  "My kids will be not be addicted to TV," I thought.  "I'll be able to entertain my children so much better than any old DVD player!"

Well, never, lasted less than 2 years.

After listening to Belle scream in the car for hours (i.e., 4 hour trip to WY Thanksgiving 2009 = 4 hours of screaming) and enduring other tantrums whether we were in the car for an hour or just 5 minutes, Dustin and I finally caved and got a portable DVD player.  We have a great setup.  I hold the main player with all the controls (because I have to have easy access to the rewind button when Belle decides she wants to watch the same clip over and over again) while the other screen is on the headrest of Dustin's seat - perfect for Belle to watch all of her fun movies.

(Try listening to that 44 seconds of video 10 times in a row.  Fun stuff!)

So, from now on, I'm going to withhold saying never as often as I can.  I can't say I'll never say never again, but you never know.  :)

Thoughts?

my STORY

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new."

-Rajneesh

I found out I was pregnant with my first child in May 2008.  Dustin and I had decided a few months earlier that we were ready to add a branch to our family tree, so I wasn't too surprised when I read the word "pregnant" on my home pregnancy test.  It was still a little surreal, though.

Instead of planning a big reveal, I immediately called Dustin at work to give him the big news. Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  "Hey, how's it going?"
D:  "Good.  How are you?"
Me:  "Good.  Guess what?"
D:  "What?"
Me:  "I'm pregnant."
D:  "Really?"
Me:  "Yeah."
D:  "Okay..."
Me:  "We can talk about it when you get home."
D:  "Sounds good."

Romantic, huh?

Over the next few weeks, as things started to set in, I realized something:  After a lifetime of hearing other women tell me about their pregnancies and what it was like to be a mom, I was finally going to have my OWN story, my own experiences.  It may sound silly, but it was such a liberating feeling.

My daughter, Belle, is now 16 months old.

I always expected motherhood to alter me.   I expected to be tired.  I expected to have fun.  I expected the throw up and messy diapers.  I expected a bond.  I expected the irrational worry and fear.  I expected all of that.

What I didn't expect was a love for my own story.  I love to analyze it. I love to compare it. I love to share it. It's my very own story, and no two stories are the same.

Thoughts?

my TOP three

"There's no way to fully prepare to have a child, so there's no reason to delay parenthood."

I've heard many people say this. Maybe it's a cultural thing. Who knows? All I know is that I do not agree with it.

Sure, of course, there's no way to know exactly what parenthood will be like until you have a child; however, I believe there are three things that people can do or think about that will help with the decision of starting a family.

Acknowledge and be content with the fact that your life is going to change

Your life is not going to end. You will not cease to exist. You will not need to forget about your hobbies, interests, outings, etc. You will, however, need to adjust how you go about your daily routines. It may take a little bit of time and effort to get used to taking care of your new bundle of joy and including her in your everyday life, but eventually it will become like second nature.

Always remember that it is just as important for your little one to adjust to your life as it is for you to adjust to hers. Don't stop living, rather be ready to tweek your lifestyle so there's room for one more.

Financial Independence

There's not really a way to estimate how much money a baby will cost you. If you want to start a family, I highly suggest you have sufficient, steady, reliable income. Of course, jobs are not always a guaranteed thing; however, you do have control over your work ethic. If you realize the importance of always having a job and are committed to providing for your little one, you're on the right track!

A Support System

Welcoming a baby into your life is huge. Having people around to encourage, support and help you is key.

My number one support was (and still is) my husband, Dustin. He and I were on the same page when it came to starting a family from day one. Dustin was always interested in my pregnancy and came to almost all of my doctor appointments. He took the pregnancy seriously and helped me cope with the physical changes.

Once Isabelle arrived, we started working as a team. We both acknowledged that we had no idea what we were doing, but we did as many things together as we could so we could learn together. We took turns changing her, bathing her, holding her, feeding her. There was no division of roles. We did what needed to be done. We were sensitive to each other's needs and pitched in when someone needed a break. When things got difficult and we put our frustrations on each other, we quickly apologized and got back on track.

Knowing that Dustin is always there to help me is a great feeling. I realize how lucky I am to have such a great husband. I'm a better mom because of him.

...

Well, there you go. Those are the top three things I think everyone should think about before having a child.

Thoughts?