my FRIDGE

In 2010, Dustin and I were living in Idaho Falls.  Isabelle had just turned one year old.  All of my family was in Utah, all of Dustin's in Wyoming.

We both had great jobs, lived in a nice house and had made a pretty nice life for ourselves.

We soon realized it was time for us to move so we could be closer to family.  As you may recall, in 2010, the housing market was at an all-time low and there really could not have been a worse time to sell a house.

Despite all of this, we put our house on the market and hoped for the best.  To help make our house more enticing, we decided to include our fridge as part of the sale.  While this may not seem like a big deal to some, it was for me.  That fridge was $3,000 and the only reason we bought it was because it was the only one that would fit properly in our kitchen.  I absolutely loved that fridge.

Five months later, our house sold.  And we lost a lot of money.  Like, a lot of money.  And I left my wonderful fridge behind.

Soon, we were in Utah and living in Ogden.  When we learned that Dustin's new job would not offer health benefits until after six months, we knew he had to find something different. 

After one month, we packed up all of our belongings again and moved to Bountiful.  Dustin found a new job.  The responsibilities, the pay and the hours were less than desirable, but we had awesome benefits from day one.  He dealt with working a job he hated for the benefit of our family, and I spent my time scouring the internet in search of something better for him.

During this time, I found a part-time job at a local reception center.  I washed dishes for next to nothing.  I would come home from work soaked to the bone with sore hands, feet and back.  As a dishwasher, I was considered the lowest of the low and had to deal with snotty high school girls (I was 30 years old at the time) who were servers (which was considered a big step up from being a dish washer) on a regular basis.  For whatever reason, they, along with the rest of the staff, decided they were better than me, and I spent a lot of time biting my tongue.  I was there for a paycheck.

Dustin and I both acknowledge this was the lowest time in our marriage - both working pitiful jobs for pitiful pay.

But, we both had faith things would eventually get better.

And, they did!

Dustin found a new job with a local bank.  We moved out of our crappy apartment and purchased a new townhouse.  We made new friends.  We belonged to a wonderful church.  And I stopped washing dishes for a living. Things were definitely looking up.

But, we always seemed to have a mediocre fridge.

Over the next few years, Dustin did what he does best by being awesome.  He worked the hours no one wanted to work, and we saw very little of each other.  But by being flexible he proved his value and he worked his way up the corporate ladder.  I found better job opportunities as well.  Slowly but surely, our financial situation was getting better.

I often thought about our old house, that beautiful fridge, and wondered why we felt inclined to move when it meant losing so much money.  Even today, I don't regret a thing, but that doesn't mean the past doesn't sting a bit.

Now, nearly seven years since this story began, I feel as though I am closing that chapter of my life.  We are coming up on three years in our newest house.  We live in a great neighborhood and have made great friends.  Our daughter attends a phenomenal school and, thanks to another amazing career change for Dustin, I was able to quit my job to be home full-time with our youngest child.

And, just a few days ago, we purchased a new fridge.  It's not the same fridge we had before, but one that is very similar.  

As I stare at our new fridge, I'm almost brought to tears.  As silly as this sounds, this new fridge is a symbol of the satisfaction that can come from working hard, putting aside your pride and doing things that may seem beneath you for the benefit of others, sacrificing your wants for your needs and realizing that even though things may be less than perfect now, they will get better.

I consider myself very blessed.

INSTAGRAM wednesdays: dustin's ANNIVERSARY PRESENT

Dustin's favorite musician is Melissa Etheridge.  He's seen her five times in the last four years.  Whenever she tours in SLC or a neighboring state, we get tickets.  She is an amazing performer, and if you're into concerts, you'd love seeing her live.  She puts on a great show.

Anyway, the last time we saw her was earlier this month - just two days after we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  Obviously, the perfect present I could get Dustin was for Melissa to wish him a Happy Anniversary during her concert.

So, I went to Twitter because if you want something done, you tweet about it!

I sent maybe three or four tweets within a two day span.  Nothing major.  I wasn't really expecting anything to become of it, but at the same time I didn't feel like my efforts were all in vain.

So, the day of the concert, I sent one final tweet.  Once at the venue, we found our seats and had a KILLER view.  We were five rows back and the microphone was directly in front of us.  When Melissa came out onto the stage, she was so close I could see her fingernails.  It was perfect.

Then, during the show, someone yelled "It's my birthday, Melissa."  So, she, of course, said happy birthday.  And then she said, "I'm supposed to wish Dustin a Happy 10 year anniversary."

We were dying.  I couldn't believe she (or one of her "people") saw my tweets and actually followed through with my request. 

We immediately stood  on our feet and screamed, and since we were so close, she totally saw us.   She threw one of her guitar picks in our direction, but it fell short and the person in front of us caught it.

It was the coolest night ever.  I was so happy my crazy idea actually worked.  I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to give Dustin a better gift, so I'm calling it good for the duration of our marriage.

{#neverunderestimatethepoweroftwitter}

JULY memories {day 6: NEW YORK}

In October 2007, Dustin and I visited New York.  Hands down, my favorite trip on which we've been.

We did mostly touristy stuff (Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, Times Square), so next time I find myself in that neck of the country, I hope to explore lesser known areas.

I will live in NYC one day.  I don't know when or why or how, but I will.

JULY memories {day 5: TEMPLE tour}

Back in October 2011, Isabelle was especially interested in the LDS temples.  At the time, she could see the Bountiful temple just outside our front door.

Dustin and I had the idea to drive to Provo and take a picture of every temple we saw on our way back.  We did this in conjunction with one of the sessions of General Conference, and it was a great way to spend our time while listening to the talks.  Here are the temples we saw on our trip:

Provo City Center Temple.  Still under construction.

Provo Temple

 

Mount Timpanogos Temple

 

 

Draper Temple

Oqurrih Mountain Temple

 

Jordan River Temple

 

Salt Lake City Temple.  {I took this from the freeway, and I still think it's a decent picture.}

 

Last, the Bountiful Temple.

 

Even though this day was a few years ago, I still remember thinking how lovely of a time it was.  I definitely want to do this again!

JULY memories {day 4: DISNEYLAND}

We celebrated our first and second anniversaries in Disneyland.  We had a blast both times.

 

I wish I realized in the moment how precious these days really were.  Our lives are so different nowadays.  We rarely see each other during the week due to varying work schedules, kids, etc., so these memories are especially fond. 

If I were to give a newlywed couple any advice, one of the things I would suggest would be to get into the habit of spending quality time together.  Plan ahead for it, as it most likely won't magically appear.  It is so important.

JULY memories {day 3: the DAY we made our DOGS be PATRIOTIC}

Happy 4th of July, Everyone!

This is July 4, 2007.  Dustin and I had lived in our house in Idaho Falls for a little over six months.  We didn't have any kids at the time; however, we did have a lot of time on our hands.

Which is why we {really, it was just me} took patriotic photos of our dogs.

I mean, seriously.  How in the world we got Tod to sit like that long enough for me to snap his picture is a mystery even to this day.

JULY memories: {day 2: our PERSONALITIES}

We took a super official, completely accurate personality tests back in May 2008.  Here were our results:

Emily is {The Scientist}

You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.

Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.

You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.

Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you.

In love, you are always striving to improve your relationship.

You have strong ideas of what love should be like.

At work, you excel in figuring out difficult tasks. People think of you as "the brain."

You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

How you see yourself: Reasonable, knowledgeable, and competent

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Aloof, controlling, and insensitive

Dustin is {The Protector}

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.

Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.

You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.

You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.

You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.

At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable 

...

I'm not sure where or why we took these tests, but it's fun to look back and read the results.

JULY memories: {DAY 1: that ONE room}

Dustin and I lived in Idaho Falls for about 3.5 years.  During that time, we had a heck of a time deciding on how we wanted to furnish one particular room.  It was a long and narrow room with a lot of doors, so not a lot of available wall space.

At first, it was our office.  We had an awesome desk and things looked great.

But, then it became apparent that we needed more seating, so we downsized the desk to accommodate more space in the room.

And then we downsized the desk even more when the whole thing was just too overwhelming.

Eventually, we bagged the entire office idea and turned the room into a family room.  No desk.  Just a TV, same chairs and a couch.

And then we moved.

the AGENDA for {JULY}

My 10 year anniversary is this month - July 30th.  It's hard to believe that Dustin and I have been married for nearly a decade.  I seriously remember that time in my life like it was yesterday.

I thought it would be fun to reminisce about the last 10 years by writing about a different memory throughout this month.  I mean, I have a blog.  I may as well write on it, right?

It seems a tad daunting to come up with nearly 30 memories, but between houses and kids and pets and vacations, I should be able to swing it pretty easily. 

So, stay tuned.  And enjoy my trip down memory lane!

#july30th #10years

create your own {TIME}

I had the thought that my kids should see me doing things besides just cooking and cleaning.  You know, allowing them the opportunity to see that I have a personality and interests that extend beyond being "the little wife."  And since I had previously decided to read more, particularly the classics, I thought I'd enlighten my children by reading in front of them.  We went to the library one day and I checked out a copy of The Grapes of Wrath.

So, that was a month ago and I'm on page 95.

Apparently, casually reading a book while my kids entertain themselves is much more difficult than I anticipated.  No wonder I never read!  And, the guilt of doing something for me doesn't stop at the needs of my children.  It also includes the needs of my house.  Why would I ever read when there is laundry that needs to be folded and put away, dishes that need to be unloaded and loaded into the dishwasher, etc.  The list of things that I could be doing usually always trumps leisurely reading, even if no one is in need of my immediate attention.

The fact is, I don't feel productive if I'm reading.  And if I don't feel productive, I start to think less of myself.  And so I came up with this idea of how to indulge myself ever so slightly all while feeling productive.  I started including things that I wanted to do on my daily To Do list.  Among all the things I need to get done each day are things I want to do.

And guess what?  It works!

Turns out, the euphoria of crossing something off my list allows me to relax long enough to enjoy one chapter of The Grapes of Wrath {I had to extend my due date, by the way} each day.  And, when I'm done, I cross it off my list and can go about the rest of my feeling like I did something good for myself without feeling like I wasted my time.

I suppose the bottom line is this:  if I'm going to do anything for me, I have to plan for it.  That's sort of how adulthood is.  And even though that may sound frustrating, it's really not.  Being an adult blows sometimes, but there are a lot of perks to it as well.  Like, asking for a lemon with your water.  What teenager could get away with that without being ridiculed by her friends?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cross off "Write blog post" from my To Do list.

INSTAGRAM wednesday: a LOVE NOTE

Every once in awhile, Dustin will write me love notes.  He'll fold it like a genius, {which in theory is super cute, but usually only reminds me of the horrible experiences I had doing origami in school} and usually the note is simple and sweet.

It's the little things in life that matter most, and the-fear-of-origami-love-notes certainly can brighten my day.

{#hestaken}

{day TWENTY-SIX} SLEEPING in the MIDDLE

Dustin is on a business trip this entire week, which means it's just us at home.  

It also means I get the entire bed to myself, and sometimes I just love when I can sleep in the middle of the bed.  It feels like such a special treat to lay in the center of the bed when most nights I'm confined to my own little side.

I told Dustin how excited I was about this, and he whole-heartedly agreed that he was excited to do the same thing in his hotel.

I love that we can talk about how excited we are about certain things and be okay with it, especially when those things involve the other person being gone.

That's just the kind of marriage I have, I guess.

Anyway, so yay for an entire week of sleeping in the middle.

FAMILY of ORIGIN

I graduated from college in 2004, earning a Bachelor's degree in Family Studies.  I also minored in Psychology.  The plan was to go on to graduate school, but life had other plans for me.

I have never professionally used my degree.  Upon graduation, I started working full-time for a large oil company in which I dealt with things that couldn't be further from what I studied day in and day out for four years.  However, my degree has never gone to waste, and I carry the things I have learned with me everyday.

The first class I took within my program was Marriage and Family Relations.  It was a lower division course, but we talked so much about many useful things, things that have helped me in my relationships {specifically my marriage}, ever since.

For example, we talked about the importance of a person's family of origin.  I remember my textbook specifically stating:  "If you want to understand someone, you must first understand his/her family of origin."  In other words, the family they were born and raised in.

I cannot even begin to explain how useful this information has been for me.  As newlyweds, my husband and I struggled at times with how to work through problems, how to communicate with each other and overall just how to live together.

A lot of our issues boiled down to how we were raised and even where we were raised.  I grew up in the city {not that Salt Lake is a huge city, but a city it is} and he grew up in a small town in Wyoming.  Our life experiences were very different.  Our parents did different things for a living and handled situations differently.  My parents hired everything out.  His family was all about the DIY.  I grew up going to the mall and seeing movies on the weekends.  The closest mall to him was 2 hours away and the first movie theater wasn't built in town until he was in high school.  In short, we had very different perspectives on life.

Despite all of our differences, though, we still get along swimmingly.  But, we're not without our disagreements.

I'll always be grateful for the knowledge I learned about the importance of one's family of origin.  It has helped me understand my husband and has helped me understand his point of view when we haven't seen eye to eye.

{Oh, and in case you're wondering, I LOVE my husband's family of origin.}

GUEST blogger: SUZE'S CORNER

I'm happy to be posting my very first GUEST BLOGGER.  Suzanne was nice enough to volunteer and talk about my January guest blogger topic:  RELATIONSHIPS.  But, it's with a twist and also focusing on another hot topic for many, many women out there.

Thank you SO MUCH Suzanne for sharing your thoughts on my blog.  I look forward to continue reading your blog and getting to know you.

...

Hi there! I'm Suzanne over at Suze's Corner, happy to be guest blogging for my fellow blogger, Emily. I have been married for almost 5 years to my wonderful husband, Boss. He is currently in school at Arizona State Univ full time.

A year after we got married, we were blessed to welcome our first little baby into this world. She was born May 2008 and goes by the name Petey on my blog.

16 months after her birth, we welcome our second baby into this world. He was born October 2009 and goes by the name Spidey on my blog.

This is what our cute family looks like now.  Two parents, a 3 year old, and a 2 year old.  Last April, we decided we wanted to try for our next baby.  We secretly tried for 4 months before changes were happening in my body that I just knew in my mind meant pregnancy.  But I was wrong.  I took 4 pregnancy tests, all negative, so we made an appointment with my doctor. 

The next thing I knew, I was being scheduled for blood work and ultrasounds to help diagnose the problem. I was given the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in August of 2011 and we started fertility treatments shortly after that. 

Many times in those next few months, I blogged about my heartache. You can go back and read it if you'd like but today, I'd like to focus on what this did to my relationship with my husband. 

I believe trials in our lives can either bring us closer or move us further apart, depending on how we decide to look at it. I've searched for peace ever since my diagnosis and my husband and I have had many deep conversations about this change in our lives. 

You see, my PCOS doesn't just affect me. I now deal with hormonal imbalance every day of my life (mostly due to my fertility drugs but also somewhat from my PCOS) and can go from happy to sad in a split second. 

My poor husband, right? 

But he has grown up just as much as I have and has continued to support me throughout all of this. 

Yes, we fight.  But we fought before. :)  If anything, we fight less now because we both feel supported by the other person. We listen more, remember more, and care more.  This is something we should've been doing from the beginning of our relationship but it's never too late to fix something that is important to you. 

My husband is my best friend and I feel lucky that I am going through this trial with him and not just on my own.

a VERY important DATE

Today is a good day because it's the anniversary of two very important events.  First, it's the third anniversary of the day I became a mother.  Happy Birthday, Sweet Pea.  I love you.

Second, it's the seventh anniversary of the day Dustin and I got engaged.

Details?  Okay, here's the juice.

To understand the full story, I need to back track to a few weeks before January 17, 2005.  I believe the date was December 23, 2004.  Dustin and I were out to dinner with a friend of ours, Ashley.  Things had sort of "happened" with Dustin and me.  And when I say happened I don't mean in a sexual way, just in a way that one day he was just my friend and I thought nothing more of him to all of the sudden one day, out of the blue {literally} I knew I was meant to marry him.

During dinner I half jokingly said we should all go look at rings.  As in engagement rings.  And, of course, Dustin and Ashley were on board.  So, we hit up the mall and checked out all the different jewelry stores.

I have unusually small hands.  And, because I've played the violin since I was six years old, I bite my fingernails.  In other words, I have ugly hands.  Because of this, I've always been weary of wearing a wedding ring, and always knew I wanted to pick out my ring because, if not, I was afraid I wouldn't like how it looked.

Luckily, Dustin entertained my weirdness and didn't have any preconceived ideas about surprising his future wife with a ring HE and ONLY he picked out.  I know some guys like that.

Anyway, after looking at a few stores I was getting frustrated at the thought of never finding a ring I not only liked, but that looked good on my short and stubby fingers.

We decided to look at one more store before heading home.  We walked in and said hello to the salesman.  Dustin and I started browsing, our heads down looking inside the display cases, when all the sudden we both stopped and pointed to a ring and said "Let's look at that one."

True story.

I put it on my finger and I just knew it was the ring.  It was everything I wanted.  It was simple with a touch of a vintage/antique look, but not boring.  Best of all, it was custom made which meant no one would have one just like it.  It was absolutely perfect.

Then reality set it.  My mind was racing with thoughts like, "Crap, I found the ring of my dreams and I'm pretty sure I'm suppose to marry Dustin, but I haven't quite figured things out yet."  And, "What happens if we walk away from this ring and then when we are ready to get married it's gone?"

We left the store, but didn't get too far before returning.  Dustin bought the ring that night.  But, there was a catch.  The ring just had a CZ.  Dustin said he would buy a real diamond later and propose when he felt it was right.

As the weeks went by, I tried my best never to ask to see my ring.  It was so pretty, that whenever I was at his house, I couldn't help but ask to wear it.

Then, one night {January 17 to be exact} Dustin and I were chillin' at his place when I asked if I could see the ring.  He said  yes, and went into his room to get it.  He came out and handed me the ring and said, "You can look at the ring, but this time I don't want it back."

I looked at him and smiled and probably said something like, "No way!?"  Then I'm pretty sure he asked me to marry him, and my oh so romantic response was, "Of course I will, ya geek!"

He then told me about the night he went back to the jeweler and bought the diamond.  It was the same night my friend Karen and I went out to dinner and a movie.  Those two were so sneaky.  After he bought the diamond, Dustin drove to my parents' house and asked my mom and dad if he could marry me.

We were married six months later.

{P.S. Enter my GIVEAWAY here!}

Monday Means "What the..."

The other night, my friend Becky e-mailed me a link to post she had read that she thought was just unreal.  She wanted my take on it, and even suggested I use it for one of my "What the..." posts.  I was more than happy to read the post, and was even more thrilled that she was helping me keep up my weekly goal of posting about my "What the..." experiences.

Anyway, you can read the original post here, and then the follow-up post here.  In a nutshell, the blogger writes about a disagreement that her friend and her friend's husband are having.  Becky didn't tell me about the post because of the disagreement itself, but rather the fact that this blogger would post about someone else's very private matter, a matter that has absolutely nothing to do with her.  Whether this blogger got permission from her friend to do so is unclear, but I'm going to assume she did.  

Another aspect of the post that was interesting was that people were commenting on it and giving answers and solutions with absolutely no other information than was given in the brief post.

My initial reaction to this post was that it was pretty bold for someone else to blog about it, rather than the people directly involved.  But, then I thought maybe this friend didn't want to blog about it herself, but did want the advice from other people.  Mind you, advice from what very well could be complete strangers.

I eventually e-mailed Becky back and said it was a little "what the..." that someone would choose to blog about her friend's marital problems, and that I thought it would've been a much better post had the people involved been the ones to blog about it.

But, I also said that perhaps this post had done some good for someone out there.  Not so much the couple themselves, but another reader that was going through a similar situation.  After all, blogs and the Internet in general have become a great source for people to know that they are not alone in this world and that there is almost always someone else who understands what you are going through.

I think the most "what the..." about this entire situation is that people were so quick to comment about it.  Sure, I posted about a situation that had nothing to do with me, but it had nothing to do with the state of someone's marriage.  Do you think as readers, we should be less quick to offer our two cents, especially when we have extremely limited, very one-sided information?  Are we adding fuel to the fire by commenting when, in all honesty, it really isn't any of our business?

And, yes, I appreciate the irony that I am informing you about a situation that I have basically deemed too personal for the Internet.  :)