PSA: DROWSY DRIVING is NOT FUNNY

I always thought politics is what would ultimately end my relationship with Facebook.

I never thought my final straw would be a conversation regarding the apparent "no big deal" aspect of drowsy driving.  But, here we are.

It all started when a person I highly respect{ed} posted a picture of his car that clearly had been damaged.  He said:

"So, while I was napping yesterday, my car spontaneously ran into the car in front of us.  Weirdest thing."

He then made a game out of it, offering whoever came closest to guessing how much it would cost to repair his car a copy of one of his books.

I found myself not knowing what to say or do.  On the one hand, for obvious reasons, I found absolutely no humor in post.  On the other hand, I did not want to "start anything" on Facebook.

But, after talking it over with Dustin, I decided to make a comment.

"{Name}, I think you're a great person.  But with all due respect, I just have to ask why you find it appropriate to joke about falling asleep at the wheel.  I'll admit, I'm uber sensitive to this due to the fact that a family member of mine was killed by a drowsy driver.  With that said, I'm baffled why drowsy driving is still a light-hearted matter as compared to drunk driving or even distracted driving.  Can you imagine the outrage if people said things like, "I was totally wasted and randomly hit another car..." My hope is, that one day, we're just as outraged by drowsy driving.  I hope the people in the other car are ok and am glad you're ok too."

He replied back to me and said, 

"I'm sorry for your loss.  Obviously, it is still painful for you."

Then someone else said,

"Sorry for your loss also.  I don't think {Name} was making light of the situation.  I think he was making fun of himself.  As in, "Oops I did a dumb thing."

Another comment: 

"I'm so sorry for your loss, and I can understand that your comment comes from a place of pain; but while drowsy driving kills many people every year, there will never be the same outrage as there is associated with drunk driving.  Anyone can fall asleep behind the wheel, even people with a good night's rest.  Highway Hypnosis is a real thing, as is road fatigue.  He did not go out and consume a substance that he knew would impair his driving.  It's totally different.  I say that having gone to funerals for students and friends killed by drowsy driving and by drunk driving.  And I do not think {Name} was trying to make light or belittle the seriousness of what happened.  He's a funny guy, who uses humor. Sometimes, you have to laugh at yourself to keep from crying."

Dustin said:

{Name}, the fact that drowsy driving can happen to anyone is all the more reason that we should never make light of it.  We all need to be aware of our limits and pull over before we find ourselves in this situation.

{Name}, you dodged a bullet here.  I'm glad no one was hurt.  And while you didn't go out and consume a substance that you knew would impair your driving, you still put yourself and everyone else on the road in danger."

And then an over-rated editorial guy quoted George Bernard Shaw by commenting:

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." 

And then someone thanked that over-rated editorial guy for his comment.  That's right - she thanked him.

My final comment was:

"I fail to find the humor, but clearly I am in the minority.  I hope none of you are asked to find the humor in a family member's death."

And then while I was writing this post, the wise over-rated editorial guy said directly to me:

"Been there.  Done it.  Probably do it again here in less than a year.  We all cope with life/death differently."

I decided not to reply back

...

People who know me best know that I love to laugh.  They also know that I hate to cry.

This whole situation did not make me laugh, but it sure did make me cry.

...

I'm so incredibly over being viewed as the weird one or the dramatic one when it comes to this subject.  

Under no circumstance, literally under NO circumstance, is drowsy driving funny.  

Any opinion to the contrary is just plain ignorance and wrong.

...

Congratulations, Facebook.  You finally broke me.

FEBRUARY goals

January is over!

Here's a recap of the goals I set for myself:

Read Attachments and Room

Write four blog posts

I easily read Attachments and Room.  Attachments was cute, but a tad cheesy even by my standards.  If you're into RomCom novels, I would recommend it.  It has a unique plot and is entertaining.

Room I was a bit disappointed with.  Let me start by saying it wasn't nearly as difficult to read as I planned.  Yes, the plot is disturbing, but since it is written from the perspective of the little boy, the difficult situations seem to be softened a bit given his innocent point of view.

I would have enjoyed the book more had the author chosen to write from Ma's point of view as well.  I think it would've thickened the book, if that makes any sense, and added a depth to the storyline that I felt was lacking.

As for my blog posts.  I technically wrote three, if you count the one that I wrote about my January goals.  I was hoping to write 4 posts after that, but only go around to writing 3.  One notable thing happened in January (the 20th to be exact) that sort of sucked the life out of me, and, in fact, inspired one of my goals for February.

Speaking of February...

This month promises to be exciting.  And here are the goals I have set for myself:

READ

The Book Thief

Crossing to Safety

WRITE
Four blog posts

AVOID

Facebook
Because Facebook sucks.  Big time.

PREPARE

Dinner 4 times a week

Since I am a little behind, I'm officially starting my goals as of February 6th.  If you have any ideas for me as far as posts go, please send them my way.

Happy February!

INITIAL reactions

Several months ago, I read an article that had been shared by a friend on Facebook about what traits parents of successful kids all have in common.  According to the article, the traits ranged from having a college degree to learning math at an early age.

One trait in particular stood out to me:  a working mother.

After reading the article, I went back to Facebook and reviewed the comments.  Everyone loved all of the traits, and agreed with them, with the exception of the working mom.

I didn't know any of the women that made comments.  I barely knew the friend that posted the article to begin with.  But, because of their comments, I allowed myself to make all sorts of assumptions about them.  And what I assumed was not too great.

I consider myself a working mother.  While I am in no way the bread winner of our family, I work five days a week and contribute to our family's income.  I work to make money, of course, but also because I enjoy the satisfaction I get from completing a task that is separate from my motherhood responsibilities.

I took my anger and frustration to my blog and wrote a post criticizing these women for their comments about working moms.  But, before I published my thoughts, my mind was suddenly filled with doubt.  I started to wonder if the assumptions I had made about these women had any merit at all.

What I heard these women say was, "Successful children are not raised by working moms."  

But, maybe they meant, "Stay-at-home moms raise successful children, too."

I had a variety of different thoughts race through my mind.  I wish I could articulate how my perspective on this article, on the comments changed within a short period of time.  It really was a remarkable experience.  

And, basically, what I learned is this:

My reaction to something is not necessarily a reflection of intent.

I can think whatever I want, but that doesn't mean that I'm right.

Living in a world where it is so simple to respond to virtually anything within a matter of seconds, it's easy not to get caught up in our initial reaction.  

And sometimes our initial reactions are spot on.  

And sometimes they're not.

And so long as we're all aware of that, I think we'll all be okay.

Monday Means "What the..."

The other night, my friend Becky e-mailed me a link to post she had read that she thought was just unreal.  She wanted my take on it, and even suggested I use it for one of my "What the..." posts.  I was more than happy to read the post, and was even more thrilled that she was helping me keep up my weekly goal of posting about my "What the..." experiences.

Anyway, you can read the original post here, and then the follow-up post here.  In a nutshell, the blogger writes about a disagreement that her friend and her friend's husband are having.  Becky didn't tell me about the post because of the disagreement itself, but rather the fact that this blogger would post about someone else's very private matter, a matter that has absolutely nothing to do with her.  Whether this blogger got permission from her friend to do so is unclear, but I'm going to assume she did.  

Another aspect of the post that was interesting was that people were commenting on it and giving answers and solutions with absolutely no other information than was given in the brief post.

My initial reaction to this post was that it was pretty bold for someone else to blog about it, rather than the people directly involved.  But, then I thought maybe this friend didn't want to blog about it herself, but did want the advice from other people.  Mind you, advice from what very well could be complete strangers.

I eventually e-mailed Becky back and said it was a little "what the..." that someone would choose to blog about her friend's marital problems, and that I thought it would've been a much better post had the people involved been the ones to blog about it.

But, I also said that perhaps this post had done some good for someone out there.  Not so much the couple themselves, but another reader that was going through a similar situation.  After all, blogs and the Internet in general have become a great source for people to know that they are not alone in this world and that there is almost always someone else who understands what you are going through.

I think the most "what the..." about this entire situation is that people were so quick to comment about it.  Sure, I posted about a situation that had nothing to do with me, but it had nothing to do with the state of someone's marriage.  Do you think as readers, we should be less quick to offer our two cents, especially when we have extremely limited, very one-sided information?  Are we adding fuel to the fire by commenting when, in all honesty, it really isn't any of our business?

And, yes, I appreciate the irony that I am informing you about a situation that I have basically deemed too personal for the Internet.  :)

keep ME in your THOUGHTS

I did this note on Facebook and thought I'd do it again as a post.  It's pretty funny.  I answered the questions by putting my iPod on shuffle.  Whatever song came on was my answer.

  Give it a try.

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY?', YOU SAY...?

Save it for Later - The English Beat (Kingpin Soundtrack)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Taste of Blood - Mazzy Star

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY OR GIRL?

I Didn't Understand - Elliott Smith

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Tear in Your Hand - Tori Amos

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Sullivan Street - Counting Crows

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Lie in Our Graves - Dave Matthews Band

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

 Tell her This - Del Amitri

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Rollover D.J. - JET

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF VERY OFTEN?

Just Like Heaven - The Cure

WHAT IS 2 + 2?

All Possibilities - Badly Drawn Boy

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

High Speed Train - R.E.M.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Straight Lines - Silverchair

WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

40' - Franz Ferdinand

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Kelly Watch the Stars - Air

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Bring Me Some Water - Melissa Etheridge

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Uphill Battle - Sarah McLachlan

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Anything but Ordinary - Avril Lavigne

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Happiness is a Warm Gun - Tori Amos

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

Loco Man - The Folksmen (A Mighty Wind Soundtrack)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

One Week - Barenaked Ladies

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Keep Me in Your Thoughts - Stephen Kellog & the Sixers

SOCIAL networking

"Whether in rekindled romances facilitated by Facebook friendship or outraged ventings of opinion on a blog, offline selves are being influenced by online personae in ways society has yet to fully comprehend"

-Carol  Haggas

I went to Barnes & Noble last night to waste some time.  I wandered around until I found my favorite sections:  Psychology, Relationships, Dating/Marriage.  You get the idea.  I skimmed over all the titles until one caught my attention:  Virtually You:  The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality.  I was immediately drawn to the book and started to read the preface.  Unfortunately, I was only able to read a few lines before I had to leave the store.

I thought it was interesting I saw that book at that time because for the last few days I've been thinking a lot about social networking and technology and how it has impacted the way we interact with one another, how we portray ourselves and how we respond to the portrayal of others.  I'll warn you, my thoughts on this are crazy, so this might be a long post.

How We Interact
The ways in which we interact with one another has completely changed thanks to the Internet and cell phones.  With the help of e-mail, we can take care of business, personal issues or even just say hello without uttering a single word.  And, to get around not hearing fluctuation of voices which can usually signal when someone is upset, being sarcastic, or joking, we've improvised by using smiley faces :), winks ;), TYPING IN ALL CAPS, ending sentences like this....., using strikethrough, and a variety of acronyms like LOL, my personal favorite.  Thanks to cell phones, we now have the ability to do all of this and more in the palm of our hand.

While all of this is technology is wonderful and useful in so many ways, is it costing us in others?  I think the video above illustrates my point exactly.  Are we completely incapable of having meaningful, face to face, one on one conversations?  Are we so wrapped up in our gadgets that, if we lost it, we, ourselves, would be lost?  Do we even memorize phone numbers anymore?

Personally, I hate verbal confrontation.  I'd rather do anything than confront someone and talk about something uncomfortable (wether it's delivering bad news or even expressing my feelings) regardless of how important it may be.  I'll admit, I am guilty of using e-mail and text messaging to interact with people about subjects that really should've been talked about in person.  Not only would it have avoided miscommunication (because of no voice fluctuation), it also would've been a good experience for me to get over my issues with confrontation.  Plus, depending on the situation, it most likely would've brought me closer to the person I was talking to.

How We Portray Ourselves and How We Respond to the Portrayal of Others
I first started to dissect my thoughts on this matter after I reconnected via Facebook with an old friend I met during college.  It had been at least 10 years since I had seen or heard from her.  I browsed through her pictures, learned that she was married, and had one daughter.  Her husband had even started his own business.  Her pictures varied from family gatherings to trips to Hawaii and Central America.  I thought to myself, "Wow, she's doing really great."  I envied all the many things she was doing and compared it to my own life.  Was I traveling enough?  Was I too cautious?  Was I not exposing my daughter to enough fun and new experiences?  Why couldn't I look like that, dress like, etc.?

Her husband's business interested me, so I visited the website to learn more.  I later sent her an e-mail via Facebook to congratulate her on all his success.  It was then that the rose colored glasses came off, and I learned more about her life, specifically that the business was very slow and her marriage was very rocky.  Overall, she was unhappy.

For some reason, I was really shocked by this news.  I wasn't shocked because her profile portrayed a very happy life (because we all know people only post their best foot and only their best foot on Facebook).  I was more shocked, despite my knowledge, that I had fed into it.  I didn't once wonder that she had to have some sort of issues.  I took what I saw and didn't think twice about it.  And worst of all, I let her seemingly success and happiness question my own life, my own happiness, my own success, etc.

I really should give Facebook a break, the same "happy-everything-is-great-in-my-life" personae can also be said for blogs.  People document their special days or everyday doings for their friends and family to see.  And I really think it is a great way to stay in touch with people, especially if you live far away from loved ones.  In addition, we can blog hop and view posts written by people we don't even know - people that are friends with a friend who is a friend of my cousins.  Like Facebook profiles, viewing blogs and blog hopping has more than once second guessed my own life.  It made me envious, sometimes even jealous even when it came to the dumbest things like the blog layout:  "Where did they get that fun font?"  "Why doesn't my blog look as fancy as this one?"  And so on.

One thing I have noticed with blogs is when people divert from the typical "this is what I did this weekend" posts and write about something more serious, like their faults, difficulties or feelings, they apologize for it.  They apologize because they think it probably wasn't an interesting post, or it was a downer post or a boring post.  I personally find those posts more interesting than anything.

On the Flip Side
I could be taking a mole hill and making it a mountain.  It is very possible that the things I described aren't the norm, and that I very well could be the only person that reads too much into blogs or profiles.  I tend to overanalyze things - a lot.

It's also possible that people aren't quite as candid online because they don't want to be.  They aren't necessarily hiding things, they just aren't sharing things that they deem too personal.  I have certainly omitted things from my online self that just wasn't anybody's business.

To Sum It Up
What do you think?  Is social networking is getting out of control?  Do we need to be spending more time in person together?  Are people's online personae's influencing how we see ourselves to a point where it could be dangerous, even damaging to our own self-worth?

Thoughts?

my SOCIAL NETWORK

"In my day, seeing pictures of people's vacations was considered a punishment."

-Betty White's thoughts on Facebook, SNL Monologue

When Belle is napping, I tend to get on Facebook and waste time.  I read status updates, play Bejeweled and sometimes browse through other people's pictures.

The other day, I was looking at pictures posted by a girl I knew in junior high.  We weren't friends in junior high, so naturally it made sense that we were "friends" on Facebook.  After a minute or two of clicking from one picture to the next, I started to get envious of this girl's life.  It seemed so much more luxurious and interesting than my own and I guess I got a little jealous.  And that made me mad.  Why was I letting myself feel this way?  This girl was nothing to me.  I hadn't seen or talked to her in 15+ years.  The three years we were under the same roof for approximately 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, we never talked to each other.  If there was ever a person who could bring me down, this was definitely not the one.

I stopped looking at the pictures and went to my list of friends.  I scrolled through all the names and one by one, I started deleting people.  I deleted people that I had removed from my NewsFeed - people that I had removed from the feed because their comments annoyed me, so why be friends at all? - and so forth.  I ultimately deleted over 100 people.

Now as I glance at my list, I feel it is much more accurate.  They are people I know and have seen or talked to in the last decade.  They are family members, old roommates, close friends from school, etc.  They are people that I genuinely want to be in contact with and who I don't mind see the pictures I post of myself and family.

So, to you my readers, do you ever find yourself looking at photos on Facebook and getting envious?  Are you friends with people you really do like, or were you like me and just accepted (for the most part) and ol' request that came your way?

Thoughts?

LANGUAGE barriers?

This thought was inspired by a Facebook page I recently saw titled:

"YOU came to OUR Country. YOU learn OUR language."

Before I dive into the good stuff, I want to make clear that this post is NOT about illegal immigration. I am NOT in support of people coming to the United States without proper documentation. I am NOT trying to justify why people cross the border illegally. This post is my thoughts about the Facebook page. Period.

With that said....

In 2005, my husband, Dustin, and I vacationed in Montreal, Quebec on our honeymoon. It was my first time visiting the Eastern side of Canada and I was excited to see a new part of the world.

As most of you probably know, Quebec's first language is French. After living in Montreal for two years, studying French in school (which included a 3 week course in France), Dustin was prepared to speak the language. Of course, because French was not his first language, any Quebequoi would know right away he wasn't local because of his accent. Nevertheless, he was prepared and fully capable to communicate in French. Because I didn't speak French, however, when it was just the two of us talking to each other we, obviously, would speak English.

Our first evening in Montreal, we went to a restaurant near our hotel. When we were greeted by the hostess, out of habit I said "hello" to her. Her entire demeanor changed and, based on her facial expression, there was no denying she was utterly annoyed. I could just imagine her thinking "Ah, stupid Americans!" She began speaking English and walked us to our table. When our waiter arrived, she spoke to us in English despite Dustin's attempts to convert to French. The service was awful and I felt like I was such a bother to everyone.

We experienced the same type of reaction almost every place we went. The Quebequoi refused to speak French with Dustin. At dinner, our waiters only came to our table when they absolutely had to (to get our order, to give us our food and to give us our check), and never asked us how we were doing, if we needed anything else, etc. It was so frustrating and I couldn't believe how horribly we were treated just because people assumed we couldn't speak French.

One day, we were in Quebec City. We just so happened to be in the city on a busy day when some festival was going on. While driving around, we got to an intersection where a policewoman was directing traffic. Dustin apparently did something that upset her, so she came to our car to talk to him (in French, go figure). She realized he had an accent which only made matters worse. For the next 10 - 15 minutes (and I'm totally not exaggerating), she made us wait at this intersection while she let all other directions go multiple times. Only until there was a huge line of cars behind us did she finally let us proceed.

Overall, it was a great trip. Quebec is a beautiful area. The architecture was amazing, and in some areas it looked like Europe. The pros of the trip definitely outweighed the cons, but I'll never forget the way we were treated.

Some of you may be thinking that I'm too sensitive and interpreted things incorrectly. Maybe the people were trying to be nice by conversing with us in English? Had I not been there myself, I probably would've thought the same thing. But, in these few examples it was very obvious the people did not like us.

Up until this trip, I had never been treated with such disrespect based on my nationality and language. I was floored by the experience and not because I expected everyone to conform to me (after all, I was the one who was in another country), but because everyone assumed we were unable to communicate with them in their primary language.

I immediately thought about my experience in Quebec when I saw the aforementioned Facebook page (which, by the way, three of my "friends" are "fans" of. I'm sure they'll get a kick out of this post). I couldn't help but wonder how many Mexicans, Hispanics, Latinos, etc. (because, let's face it, that page isn't referring to Europeans or Asians) that appear not to speak English actually do.

Is being bilingual a thing of the past?

Is it possible we are too quick to judge?

Thoughts?