October 7, 2014

the MODEST girl

I recently read a post on Facebook written by someone I don't know that went along these lines:

 "Parents, please make sure your daughter dresses modestly so my son doesn't get addicted to pornography."

{Ok, so that is a slight exaggeration}

But, it may as well been that blatant of a statement, which, by the way, infuriated me.

Regardless, I decided that, as a mother of two girls, I better get on this request of making sure my daughters are dressed a certain way.  So, I added it to my current To-Do list:

Monday: Take pictures of my daughters' wardrobe.  Send pictures to parents of boys for approval
{Note to self:  Research the most affordable place to buy pantsuits}

Tuesday:  Have a sit-down with my daughters.  Reiterate the importance of understanding the changes the male body experiences during puberty.  Make sure they understand how sensitive we should be towards our male friends.  
{Note to self: buy more tampons and Midol}

Wednesday:  Send an e-mail to Macy's, Nordstrom, etc., asking them when their new line of prom dresses with high-necks and sleeves will be in stock.  Find a full day to go dress shopping. 
{Note to self:  hire a good seamstress}

Thursday:   Take that first leap of faith by letting my daughter walk to a friends house by herself.  But first, review the family "code" word.  Buy some more pepper spray.
{Note to self:  Research self-defense classes}

Friday:   Encourage daughters to get good grades, and tell them I hope they plan to attend college.  Help them understand that exercising their minds is just as important as exercising their bodies.
{Note to self:  Research how to teach your daughter that looks are not the most important thing while simultaneously teaching her that she needs to look a certain way.}


Don't get me wrong.  I understand the basic principle behind the original post.  I have standards for my daughters and do not think they should be allowed to wear whatever they want.  And I'll do my best to make sure that when they leave my house they are dressed in a manner that I deem appropriate.

But, the bottom line is this:

It is not my responsibility, nor my daughters' responsibility, to make sure your son does not engage in anything improper or immoral, be it actions or thoughts.

That's your responsibility.  

But, mostly, it's his responsibility.

So, if you could take the state of your son's morality off my plate of things to do, I'd really appreciate it.



  1. A-FREAKIN-MEN!!! This is a soap-box for me. I have a huge issue with this line of thought. Thanks for this post!!

    1. Thanks, Clancy. I figured a lot of people would think the way I do, but I was still a little nervous to post this. I hope that this mindset can change!

  2. As a mother of boys, I totally agree with you. Yes, dressing appropriately is important in our faith, but my boys' moral conduct is their, and my responsibility.

  3. I started off my first few days of college wearing my usual attire of spaghetti strapped tank tops. After getting looks and cat calls from men, my opinion on modesty and how I dressed changed literally OVERNIGHT! I was tired of being looked upon by men in a certain way, so I decided that I had to take action and change what I wore. :) Because of what I wore my whole life (until that point), and because of this experience, I am pretty firm with what my daughter, and even son wears (I don't like him wearing tanks either). I don't even feel comfortable wearing tanks to the gym like most people, or a regular swimsuit for that matter - I wear a rash guard and longer swim shorts. Sometimes I think I need to loosen up a little, but it's hard for me!

  4. Yes! I thought that as a mother of all boys, I would get off easy in this whole social issue. But I'm realizing that I have to be very active teaching my boys that they are respectful to all women, regardless of what they are wearing, and that they are never allowed to blame their actions on a girl's behavior or dress. We think this idea of modesty and respect is a female issue, but it's just as much a male issue. Time for our boys to take on some accountability.

  5. Great post, Em! I'm so tired of people blaming others for their own choices/thoughts/etc. What ever happened to personal responsibility?


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