March 7, 2011

Being a MOM

The other day I heard someone say, "I love being a mom."

It got me thinking about whether or not I have uttered those 5 words in the two years I have been a mother.   And, in all honesty, I don't think I ever have.

I talked to Dustin about it.  I asked him if he had ever said, "I love being a dad."  He didn't think he had either.

I went a little further and asked him if he thought loving your child means you love being a parent.  We both concluded that the two are not one in the same.

I love my daughter with all my heart.  I am so glad she is a part of my life, and I cannot imagine it without her.  I know Dustin feels the same way.  We love her so much.  She is hilarious, smart and so adorable.  It is stunning to watch her grow physically and cognitively and emotionally.

We are three peas in a pod.  We are a family.  We fit together.

However, my love for my daughter does not equate to loving all that comes with being a mom.  I think that's sort of a given.  But I'm not just talking about the tantrums, the sleepless nights, and constantly changing diapers.

I don't like it when people walk into my house and act amazed that it's clean.  Am I suppose to have a dirty house because I am a mom?  

I don't like being categorized as a "homemaker" on applications for credit cards, mortgages or even tax return forms.  

I don't like being asked if I "get" to stay at home or if I "have to work."  I also don't like the looks I get when I say, "I have a part-time job because I like to work."  Are my interests and other goals in life suppose to disappear once I am a mom?

I don't like it when people, especially people who are not parents (like Oprah), say being a mom is the hardest job in the world.  It's almost like they want to make you feel better about being a mom and not some hot shot executive.  I also think it is sexist.  It's difficult sometimes to be a dad.

I know there are a lot of women out there that want nothing more than to be a mother.  I know there are many women who have a difficult time getting pregnant.  I imagine some of my statements make me sound like I am a horrible, ungrateful person.  I know I take the fact that I had no trouble at all getting pregnant for granted.

But, from the minute my daughter was born I went from being identified one way to being identified in a completely new way.  It's been a struggle for me from the beginning.  It continues to be a struggle.  And every once in awhile, things I hear other people say, like "I love being a mom," brings all those struggles to the surface and I just have to get them out.


March 3, 2011


"His name is Toofer because with him you get a two-for-one; a black guy and a Harvard guy."
-Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

I grew up in Salt Lake City.  I traveled enough to know that Salt Lake was probably not considered a big city, at least not when compared to New York, Chicago or LA.

In late 2006, I moved to Idaho Falls.  I grew up visiting Idaho Falls a lot since my grandparents lived there.  As a child, I loved Idaho Falls.  I spent most of my Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays there.  It always had a special feeling to it.  

I just assumed I would enjoy living there.  And I did for the most part. 

But, as the years went on, I started to feel like I was suffocating.  It dawned on me that I lived in a small town and I didn't like it.  I especially didn't like feeling as though I was downtown New York whenever I would visit Utah and walk the streets of Salt Lake.  I knew for sure I was in a small town if Salt Lake seemed HUGE to me.

After 3.5 years in Idaho, we decided to move back to Utah.  Besides wanting to be close to family, we wanted to have access to more things - concerts, plays, sporting events, an international airport, etc.

We've been back in Utah for 6 months now, and I've tried to take advantage of all the many more things I can do in Salt Lake than I could in Idaho Falls.  One of which was last night.

It all started when I logged onto Twitter on Tuesday.  I'm not a huge Twitter fan, but I created an account just to see what all the buzz was about.  Anyway, whenever I log in, I see tweets from Joshua Radin, one of my favorite musicians.  He said he was going to be in Salt Lake on March 2nd.  

I immediately went into overdrive.  How did I not hear about this concert sooner?  Was it sold out?  I had to get tickets!  To make a long story short, I bought 2 tickets (one of me, one of my husband) an hour later.  I was so excited.  This would be my first concert since 2005.

But then I started to feel guilty.  Would our daughter, "I" be good with a sitter?  Could we really afford to do this?  Maybe we shouldn't go.

I shoved all those thoughts aside, realized this was someone I always wanted to see in concert and to just enjoy the opportunity.

When we got to the concert (and remembered I forgot my good camera), I walked through the doors and I immediately flash backed to my days as a high schooler/young college student.  I used to go to concerts all the time with my friends and being back in that environment, the loud music, the shirts and posters for sale, etc., brought back all the fun memories.  I wasn't expecting to feel that way, but I loved it.

The concert was amazing.  There weren't any seats, everyone just stood around.  It was a rather small venue and the stage was really close to the floor.  It was a lot more intimate than what I  imagine a Lady Gaga concert would be like.

When Joshua Radin came onto the stage the crowd cheered and screamed.  I managed to find the perfect spot to stand where I could see his face and upper body perfectly.  He played so well, he played some of his new stuff, but also a lot of his old stuff.  It was awesome!  He even played a song that I put to a video I made about my daughter....which almost made me cry.

As we left the concert, I told my husband how happy I was that we went.  We reminded each other that this was why we moved back to Utah - for more opportunities.  And, to top it all off, I was reminded of my good ol' days with my friends.  It was definitely a two-for-one night.  Here's a video of one of his encore songs, Winter.

For any of you that haven't heard any of Joshua Radin's music,  here's a video.  This was one of the first songs I heard by him.  Enjoy!  And when you're done, go out and do something new.

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