SOCIAL networking

"Whether in rekindled romances facilitated by Facebook friendship or outraged ventings of opinion on a blog, offline selves are being influenced by online personae in ways society has yet to fully comprehend"

-Carol  Haggas

I went to Barnes & Noble last night to waste some time.  I wandered around until I found my favorite sections:  Psychology, Relationships, Dating/Marriage.  You get the idea.  I skimmed over all the titles until one caught my attention:  Virtually You:  The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality.  I was immediately drawn to the book and started to read the preface.  Unfortunately, I was only able to read a few lines before I had to leave the store.

I thought it was interesting I saw that book at that time because for the last few days I've been thinking a lot about social networking and technology and how it has impacted the way we interact with one another, how we portray ourselves and how we respond to the portrayal of others.  I'll warn you, my thoughts on this are crazy, so this might be a long post.

How We Interact
The ways in which we interact with one another has completely changed thanks to the Internet and cell phones.  With the help of e-mail, we can take care of business, personal issues or even just say hello without uttering a single word.  And, to get around not hearing fluctuation of voices which can usually signal when someone is upset, being sarcastic, or joking, we've improvised by using smiley faces :), winks ;), TYPING IN ALL CAPS, ending sentences like this....., using strikethrough, and a variety of acronyms like LOL, my personal favorite.  Thanks to cell phones, we now have the ability to do all of this and more in the palm of our hand.

While all of this is technology is wonderful and useful in so many ways, is it costing us in others?  I think the video above illustrates my point exactly.  Are we completely incapable of having meaningful, face to face, one on one conversations?  Are we so wrapped up in our gadgets that, if we lost it, we, ourselves, would be lost?  Do we even memorize phone numbers anymore?

Personally, I hate verbal confrontation.  I'd rather do anything than confront someone and talk about something uncomfortable (wether it's delivering bad news or even expressing my feelings) regardless of how important it may be.  I'll admit, I am guilty of using e-mail and text messaging to interact with people about subjects that really should've been talked about in person.  Not only would it have avoided miscommunication (because of no voice fluctuation), it also would've been a good experience for me to get over my issues with confrontation.  Plus, depending on the situation, it most likely would've brought me closer to the person I was talking to.

How We Portray Ourselves and How We Respond to the Portrayal of Others
I first started to dissect my thoughts on this matter after I reconnected via Facebook with an old friend I met during college.  It had been at least 10 years since I had seen or heard from her.  I browsed through her pictures, learned that she was married, and had one daughter.  Her husband had even started his own business.  Her pictures varied from family gatherings to trips to Hawaii and Central America.  I thought to myself, "Wow, she's doing really great."  I envied all the many things she was doing and compared it to my own life.  Was I traveling enough?  Was I too cautious?  Was I not exposing my daughter to enough fun and new experiences?  Why couldn't I look like that, dress like, etc.?

Her husband's business interested me, so I visited the website to learn more.  I later sent her an e-mail via Facebook to congratulate her on all his success.  It was then that the rose colored glasses came off, and I learned more about her life, specifically that the business was very slow and her marriage was very rocky.  Overall, she was unhappy.

For some reason, I was really shocked by this news.  I wasn't shocked because her profile portrayed a very happy life (because we all know people only post their best foot and only their best foot on Facebook).  I was more shocked, despite my knowledge, that I had fed into it.  I didn't once wonder that she had to have some sort of issues.  I took what I saw and didn't think twice about it.  And worst of all, I let her seemingly success and happiness question my own life, my own happiness, my own success, etc.

I really should give Facebook a break, the same "happy-everything-is-great-in-my-life" personae can also be said for blogs.  People document their special days or everyday doings for their friends and family to see.  And I really think it is a great way to stay in touch with people, especially if you live far away from loved ones.  In addition, we can blog hop and view posts written by people we don't even know - people that are friends with a friend who is a friend of my cousins.  Like Facebook profiles, viewing blogs and blog hopping has more than once second guessed my own life.  It made me envious, sometimes even jealous even when it came to the dumbest things like the blog layout:  "Where did they get that fun font?"  "Why doesn't my blog look as fancy as this one?"  And so on.

One thing I have noticed with blogs is when people divert from the typical "this is what I did this weekend" posts and write about something more serious, like their faults, difficulties or feelings, they apologize for it.  They apologize because they think it probably wasn't an interesting post, or it was a downer post or a boring post.  I personally find those posts more interesting than anything.

On the Flip Side
I could be taking a mole hill and making it a mountain.  It is very possible that the things I described aren't the norm, and that I very well could be the only person that reads too much into blogs or profiles.  I tend to overanalyze things - a lot.

It's also possible that people aren't quite as candid online because they don't want to be.  They aren't necessarily hiding things, they just aren't sharing things that they deem too personal.  I have certainly omitted things from my online self that just wasn't anybody's business.

To Sum It Up
What do you think?  Is social networking is getting out of control?  Do we need to be spending more time in person together?  Are people's online personae's influencing how we see ourselves to a point where it could be dangerous, even damaging to our own self-worth?

Thoughts?