the CHAIR

Several years ago, Dustin and I bought two brown recliners.  At the time, they were super comfortable, roomy and the perfect chair to sit in while binge watching your favorite show.

After awhile, the "no eating on the new chairs" and "don't let the dogs on the chairs" rules relaxed.  Then we added a few kids to the mix.  Combined with a handful of moves, over time the chairs began to look....less than perfect.

We eventually sold one of the chairs, but the remaining kept getting less and less cool.

I would spot clean it.  And sometimes I convinced Dustin to deep clean it.  But, for the most part, it looked like crap.  And, it started to break, which added to the already pathetic-ness of it all.

But, we didn't get rid of it.  It was like we took pity on it or something.

But, a few months ago, we finally decided the time had come and we took the chair to the dump.  We rearranged our remaining furniture and added pictures and decor to the walls.  In a matter of minutes, the room had a completely different feel to it.  It was like a brand new room.  Over the next few days, I would admire the room and wonder why in the world we put up with that ugly brown chair for so long.  It was broken, dirty and made the whole room feel blah.

Unfortunately, I know the reason why we put off getting rid of it.  It's a pathetic reason, but it's true:  it took effort.  Plain and simple.  And since it took effort that was beyond our usual day to day routine, we dealt with it despite it's negative consequences.

Now for those of you who may be wondering why I consider having a brown chair in my house a negative consequence, you have to understand that I am a HUGE believer in the power of furniture placement.  When I say the room felt better, I mean that literally.  I don't say literally when I should say figuratively.  I mean literally literally.  Rooms have feelings.  I promise.  :)

One of the great things about humans is our ability to resist in tough times.  When I hear stories of people who have survived hardships, I'm in awe.

However, that same spirit of resistance can lead to complacency.  We're prone to live with "whatever" just "because."  Maybe we see something within our community we think could be improved.  We think one voice won't make a difference, so we deal with it rather than speaking up.

When my daughter first started kindergarten, I noticed a particularly busy intersection by the school that would really benefit from a protected left light.  After mulling over it for awhile, I finally decided to e-mail a city official.  To my surprise, I received a response and was told the city wasn't in charge of this street, but that they would relay my concerns to the company in charge.

In the meantime, I found a new route to school thinking my efforts had been in vain.

Months later, I found myself at that same intersection and noticed my suggestion had come to life!  I was so surprised and happy.  Sure, there's a REALLY good chance my suggestion had nothing to do with the change, but it felt good to know I had at least said something.

Last year, as I was going through my day planner, I noticed on September 11th, there wasn't any mention about it being Patriot Day.  September 11th of that year also happened to be Grandparents' Day.  I knew this because the company that made my day planner had the date labeled.

I figured, if you can mention that it is Grandparents' Day, you can certainly mention that it's Patriot Day.

So, I logged on to Twitter and tweeted the following:

When I got my new day planner for 2017, I checked the month of September and was pleasantly surprised that the 11th had been appropriately honored.

Again, I really don't have any proof that my tweet made any difference at all.

But, I also don't have any proof that it didn't.

To me, the important thing was that I saw something that I thought could be improved, and I said something.  To me, the effort, the action is what matters more than the actual result.

Of course, there are plenty of examples of people who take this idea to the extreme, and raising your voice should never result in harm.  #disclaimer

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we don't always have to conform or get used to the way things are.  Because the way things are isn't necessarily the way things should be.

If you don't have to live with a dirty, brown chair...don't.

CROSSROADS

In May of 2004, I graduated from Weber State University, earning a Bachelor's degree in Family Studies.  At the time, I had a job that was great while I was a student because of the flexible hours, but I always told myself once I graduated I would quit and get a job related to my field.

A few weeks after graduation, I moved into a new apartment and began working full-time for the same company.  My plan was to keep my job while searching for new opportunities.  I also had the plan to go to graduate school the following year.  It seemed like the perfect plan.  

Nearly six months went by and I still had not found a new job, but I wasn't frustrated. I figured it would take awhile. And in the meantime I was learning more about admission requirements for graduate school, getting used to the thought of living in Alabama and dreading the idea of taking the GRE.

One day, while I work, I received an e-mail from my supervisor.  She asked if I had heard about a job opening in a different department and wondered if I was going to apply for it.  I hadn't heard about the position and even though I knew this wasn't her intention, because she sent me that e-mail, I felt a little pressure to apply for the job.  

I had a week to submit my resume, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should do.  I knew I was qualified for the job and stood a really good chance of getting it.  I knew a lot of my friends (including Karen) were applying for it which made things kind of awkward.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through with it.

After a few days of thinking things over, I soon realized I was making a very critical decision.  A life changing decision. I knew if I applied for the job, I would get it. I knew accepting the job would change all the plans and goals I had just set for myself.  Without a doubt, I was at a crossroads in my life and I didn't know why.  All I knew is that I had to apply for the job, and I wasn't happy about it.

I submitted my resume and soon had an appointment for an interview.  

The day of my interview, I contemplated what to wear.  I had learned all the do's and don'ts of interviewing, including proper attire.  I knew wearing denim wasn't the best choice, so I wore a jean jacket.  I knew wearing perfume wasn't a wise decision, but I wore it anyway.  I knew I probably should've put my hair up, but I wore it down.  I did what I could to not make the best impression because I was scared of getting this job.

I was offered the job.  And I accepted it.  And I knew it was the right decision to make, but still didn't know why.

Weeks later, something unexpected happen:  I began feeling different about a really good friend of mine. A friend that was a boy.  I was annoyed at these new feelings. This guy had been my friend for over a year, and I was satisfied with our relationship.  Suddenly, I was more attracted to him and wanted to spend more time with him.  A new job, now this?  I wanted to tell life I was tired of all the curve balls.

Fast forward at most 10 weeks (yes, that's right, 10 weeks) I found myself engaged. Yes, I was engaged  to this guy whom I had no interest in just months earlier.  It was insane.  Totally insane.  But, it made sense and completely the right thing to do.

I know not everyone believes in God, but I do.  And I know He lead me in a different direction than the one I had all mapped out for myself.  And maybe that was so I could marry Dustin.  Maybe it was to spare me from a situation that would've come about had I gone to graduate school.  I probably won't know the answers to these questions for awhile.  And that is okay because it doesn't matter.

What matters is that I am happy with my husband.  I'm thankful for the life we have built together and the many years to come.

I'm humbled to know that God, in all his infinite power and wisdom, takes time to guide me in the right direction.  And I'm so grateful I listened to Him!

is there LIFE after LOVE?

"If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it."

-Ernest Hemingway

I first read this quote many years ago. At the time, it didn't think much about it, but I was reminded of it the other day after having a conversation with my husband.

It all began when I started to think what I would do if Dustin died suddenly in the next 5 or so years. I felt really guilty having such thoughts, so I told him about it. He confessed thinking about the same thing which made me feel better. (If it was crazy to think such things, at least we were being crazy together.) So, we talked about it for awhile. We expressed what we would each do and also told one another what we would want the other person to do. We had some differences, but overall our agendas were the same.

Since the conversation I've come to realize that I would be able to continue living a happy, productive life even if I lost my husband. I can imagine my life without Dustin physically by my side. It's not the life I would choose for myself, but if I had to live it, I would. And, I would try to make the best of it.

Do these thoughts make me a bad person or reflect negatively on my marriage?

Do they make me seem indifferent about my relationship?

I don't think so. While conversations like this are difficult and not something I'd ever want to dwell on, I think having a plan is vital. We have 72-hour kits, food storage, so why not have some sort of mental plan in case one suddenly finds herself without her spouse?

Thoughts?