my FRIDGE

In 2010, Dustin and I were living in Idaho Falls.  Isabelle had just turned one year old.  All of my family was in Utah, all of Dustin's in Wyoming.

We both had great jobs, lived in a nice house and had made a pretty nice life for ourselves.

We soon realized it was time for us to move so we could be closer to family.  As you may recall, in 2010, the housing market was at an all-time low and there really could not have been a worse time to sell a house.

Despite all of this, we put our house on the market and hoped for the best.  To help make our house more enticing, we decided to include our fridge as part of the sale.  While this may not seem like a big deal to some, it was for me.  That fridge was $3,000 and the only reason we bought it was because it was the only one that would fit properly in our kitchen.  I absolutely loved that fridge.

Five months later, our house sold.  And we lost a lot of money.  Like, a lot of money.  And I left my wonderful fridge behind.

Soon, we were in Utah and living in Ogden.  When we learned that Dustin's new job would not offer health benefits until after six months, we knew he had to find something different. 

After one month, we packed up all of our belongings again and moved to Bountiful.  Dustin found a new job.  The responsibilities, the pay and the hours were less than desirable, but we had awesome benefits from day one.  He dealt with working a job he hated for the benefit of our family, and I spent my time scouring the internet in search of something better for him.

During this time, I found a part-time job at a local reception center.  I washed dishes for next to nothing.  I would come home from work soaked to the bone with sore hands, feet and back.  As a dishwasher, I was considered the lowest of the low and had to deal with snotty high school girls (I was 30 years old at the time) who were servers (which was considered a big step up from being a dish washer) on a regular basis.  For whatever reason, they, along with the rest of the staff, decided they were better than me, and I spent a lot of time biting my tongue.  I was there for a paycheck.

Dustin and I both acknowledge this was the lowest time in our marriage - both working pitiful jobs for pitiful pay.

But, we both had faith things would eventually get better.

And, they did!

Dustin found a new job with a local bank.  We moved out of our crappy apartment and purchased a new townhouse.  We made new friends.  We belonged to a wonderful church.  And I stopped washing dishes for a living. Things were definitely looking up.

But, we always seemed to have a mediocre fridge.

Over the next few years, Dustin did what he does best by being awesome.  He worked the hours no one wanted to work, and we saw very little of each other.  But by being flexible he proved his value and he worked his way up the corporate ladder.  I found better job opportunities as well.  Slowly but surely, our financial situation was getting better.

I often thought about our old house, that beautiful fridge, and wondered why we felt inclined to move when it meant losing so much money.  Even today, I don't regret a thing, but that doesn't mean the past doesn't sting a bit.

Now, nearly seven years since this story began, I feel as though I am closing that chapter of my life.  We are coming up on three years in our newest house.  We live in a great neighborhood and have made great friends.  Our daughter attends a phenomenal school and, thanks to another amazing career change for Dustin, I was able to quit my job to be home full-time with our youngest child.

And, just a few days ago, we purchased a new fridge.  It's not the same fridge we had before, but one that is very similar.  

As I stare at our new fridge, I'm almost brought to tears.  As silly as this sounds, this new fridge is a symbol of the satisfaction that can come from working hard, putting aside your pride and doing things that may seem beneath you for the benefit of others, sacrificing your wants for your needs and realizing that even though things may be less than perfect now, they will get better.

I consider myself very blessed.

INITIAL reactions

Several months ago, I read an article that had been shared by a friend on Facebook about what traits parents of successful kids all have in common.  According to the article, the traits ranged from having a college degree to learning math at an early age.

One trait in particular stood out to me:  a working mother.

After reading the article, I went back to Facebook and reviewed the comments.  Everyone loved all of the traits, and agreed with them, with the exception of the working mom.

I didn't know any of the women that made comments.  I barely knew the friend that posted the article to begin with.  But, because of their comments, I allowed myself to make all sorts of assumptions about them.  And what I assumed was not too great.

I consider myself a working mother.  While I am in no way the bread winner of our family, I work five days a week and contribute to our family's income.  I work to make money, of course, but also because I enjoy the satisfaction I get from completing a task that is separate from my motherhood responsibilities.

I took my anger and frustration to my blog and wrote a post criticizing these women for their comments about working moms.  But, before I published my thoughts, my mind was suddenly filled with doubt.  I started to wonder if the assumptions I had made about these women had any merit at all.

What I heard these women say was, "Successful children are not raised by working moms."  

But, maybe they meant, "Stay-at-home moms raise successful children, too."

I had a variety of different thoughts race through my mind.  I wish I could articulate how my perspective on this article, on the comments changed within a short period of time.  It really was a remarkable experience.  

And, basically, what I learned is this:

My reaction to something is not necessarily a reflection of intent.

I can think whatever I want, but that doesn't mean that I'm right.

Living in a world where it is so simple to respond to virtually anything within a matter of seconds, it's easy not to get caught up in our initial reaction.  

And sometimes our initial reactions are spot on.  

And sometimes they're not.

And so long as we're all aware of that, I think we'll all be okay.

the PRINCESS DILEMMA

If you didn't hear about the big commotion regarding Pixar's Brave character Merida I guess I'm not that surprised.  In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't too big of deal.  But, in order for this post to make any sense to you, you need to know a few of the details.

A few weeks ago, Merida was inducted into the ever inclusive Disney Princess Club.  As part of her induction, Disney gave her a little bit of a make-over.

Source

Obviously, the princess club Merida was much more sexy, slimmer and without her most prized possession - the bow and arrow. 

Thousands were outraged by the change, claiming that Merida was the first Disney princess that was different.  The first Disney princess that wasn't about beauty and whose only hope in life wasn't to meet her handsome prince.  The first Disney princess that was actually worth admiring.

A petition was started.  Thousands of signatures were collected.  The petition demanded Disney restore Merida to her original settings.  And, after a few days, that's exactly what happened.  The official Disney princess website was changed and Merida was once again portrayed just as she did in her feature film.

So, here's my dilemma.

I am raising a little girl that loves princesses.  She adores them all:  Rapunzel, Cinderella, Tiana, Ariel, Belle, Mulan, Sleeping Beauty, Merida, etc.  She owns many of the princess dresses and would wear them 24/7 if I let her.

As I watch my little girl prance around our house in her dresses and then think about the outrage over Merida's makeover, I find myself conflicted.  I wonder, "Am I setting my daughter up for complete and utter doom by letting her love and adore princesses?  Is she going to grow up feeling like the only thing that matters in life is how you look?"

And then I think about the stories behind some of these princesses:

Belle is an outcast in the village where she lives.  She prefers to read and seeks adventure.  She refuses a marriage proposal from the most dashing, handsome man in town.  She supports and defends her father even when everyone else makes fun of him, and, she ultimately sacrifices her freedom to save his life.  She eventually falls in love with the Beast because, despite his appearance, she has learned that he is kind and gentle and caring.

Cinderella is treated horribly by her family.  She is a slave in her own home.  Despite the cruelty she endures, she always has a positive attitude.  In the end, her dream of a better life comes true, illustrating that, despite the difficulties we may have now, things can turn out for the better.

Ariel dreams of a different life.  She has a curious nature and wants to learn everything she can about life above the sea.  She is rebellious, knows what she wants in life and makes sure she gets it.

Mulan lives in a country where tradition means everything, and where women are viewed as worthless.  Because she is not male, the only way she can bring honor to her family is by getting married.  Even though she wants to honor her father and mother, she knows she has more to offer than just being "a little wife."  Despite the risk of being killed, she disguises herself as a man and takes her father's place in the Chinese army.  After a lot of hard work and determination, she eventually becomes a great soldier and brings honor to her family all while remaining single.

Are all the princesses mentioned above beautiful?

Yes.

  Does that make their stories any less meaningful?

No.

I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking the most important thing in life is to be beautiful, but I also don't want them thinking being beautiful is bad.

I want my daughters to know that, regardless of physical appearance, everyone has strengths, weaknesses, dreams and fears.  No one is exempt from times of happiness or difficulties.  And, even though no two people are exactly alike, it is safe to assume everyone has similar, basic needs and desires.  And because of all of this, it is important to treat everyone with kindness and dignity.

When my oldest daughter finds herself feeling insecure about her appearance, will I think back on this time and say, "I never should've let her wear that Rapunzel dress everyday!"  My guess is, no.  Everyone feels "less than" at some point in their life.  It's just apart of life.

And it's not that it happens that matters.  It's how you handle it that is the most important.

Does this mean I am indifferent about Merida's makeover?  Of course not.  It was ridiculous for Disney to change her appearance.  (However, I should mention that all of the princesses on the website have been altered in some way, begging the question as to why no one has gotten all up in arms about that.  But, that's besides the point.)  All I'm trying to say is that loving princesses isn't all that bad, and that we should focus more of our concerns on why people like the cast of The Jersey Shore and the Kardashians are so popular.

In the end, I'm glad that people took a stand for something they felt strongly about and won!  It just goes to show that your voice can be heard, even when you're going up against huge corporations. I'm glad to have a daughter that loves to wear dresses, play make believe and who whole-heartedly embraces her femininity and thinks pants are for boys.

And, I'm glad that, thanks to Merida, she can't wait to get her own bow and arrow.

{day FOURTEEN} REALITY

A few months ago, Isabelle discovered Tinker Bell and fell in love with her and pretty much all things fairies.

Shortly before Halloween, we found her a Tinker Bell costume, complete with the dress and wings.  Isabelle was SO excited to wear the costume she could hardly contain herself.

The first time she tried on the costume, she was so excited for the wings.  I was at work at the time, but later learned that she genuinely believed once her wings were on she would be able to fly.  Dustin told me it was heartbreaking to see her face as he explained to her that she wouldn't really be able to fly.

This experience struck me because it was the first time reality really set in for Isabelle, and she learned for the first time that what she sees on TV isn't always real.

Why am I grateful for this experience?  Because it was a wake-up call.  While it is difficult to know I'll be spending my life explaining why life is not fair and why some people are mean, I know it's part of being a parent.  And I need to be prepared to know how to handle it the best way possible.

I also know that, as a parent, I can do all I can to encourage Isabelle to be anything she wants to be.

I can support her in whatever endeavor she chooses.

And that may as well be giving her wings.