WHAT'S in a NAME?

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

-Romeo & Juliet

Several years ago, I was experimenting with a new medication for my epilepsy.  Dustin and I had decided we wanted to have a child, and my current medication was not recommended for women who were pregnant or trying to get pregnant.

After a lot of trial and error, I began taking a new medication that not only controlled my seizures but also had the least serious side effects while taken while pregnant.  And, it wasn't long after that, that I found out I was pregnant.

Not long into my pregnancy, I went to the pharmacy to pick up a refill.  I noticed that the price of my prescription was significantly less than it had been before.  When I asked the pharmacist about the price difference, he said it was because I was given the generic, not name-brand, medicine.

I was confused and concerned about any changes being made while I was still pregnant, and promptly called my doctor.  I was told that the generic medicine had the same ingredients as the name-brand and was safe for me to consume.

I've been thinking about that experience a lot lately and how it relates to labels.

Everything in our life has a label.

Products are labeled.  People are labeled.  Places are labeled.

And we put a lot of stock into these labels.

Sometimes a label really does make a difference.  For example, spending $$$ on a table from West Elm will more than likely lead to owning a higher quality product as compared to a table you would buy from Target.

There is nothing wrong with wanting products from high quality companies, especially if your budget allows for it.

The problem with labels come when we use them to elevate our own status or worth.  Am I a better person because I own a table from West Elm as compared to the person that owns a table from Target.  The answer is, obviously, no.

I think it's sometimes hard to remember that.

Owning a certain product doesn't mean you're better or worse than somebody else.  It just means you own a certain product.

Product labels are one thing.  But, what about labels we put on ourselves or other people?

For example, politicians.  How likely are you to justify a political leader's behavior so long as they belong to the same political party as you?  From my perspective, we will justify or shrug off or accept or even deny facts so long as the leader is labeled correctly.

The same is true for our family members, friends, celebrities or well-respected community members like doctors. 

I happened upon a conversation on Facebook between a man running for mayor and a voter.  The man running for office had a lot of great things to say.  He had good ideas.  He was well-written and appeared to have a genuine concern for the city.  The voter was only interested in one thing:  what party the candidate belonged to.  It was obvious the voter would only consider this candidate's ideas or concerns legitimate so long as he belonged to the correct party.

The candidate eventually disclosed his political affiliation and the conversation was over.

Keep in mind, his ideas for the city had not changed.  He still meant what he said.  But, because he now had a labeled attached to him, he was either liked or disliked regardless of the details.

I don't think there's really any way around labels in general.  Certainly, not when it comes to products.  But, it would be nice to see some changes with labels when it comes to people.

Some people with all the right labels aren't necessarily good people making good decisions.

And some people with the less-than flattering labels aren't necessarily bad people making bad decisions.

Some labels are inevitable, like our race or ethnicity...unless you're that white woman living in Seattle.

Other labels, like being cool because you shop at Trader Joe's, are meaningless.  A great example of this is when some frozen food line was recalled from Trader Joe's and Walmart stores.  I had a good laugh at that one.

I'm trying really hard to look beyond the labels we give ourselves or other people.  Whether we're rich or poor, male or female, married or single or divorced, we all have value.  We all have strengths that are needed in our society.  And we all have weaknesses that other people can help us with.  We're more similar than we realize.

And, at the end of the day, whether name-brand or generic, I'm not having seizures.  

And that's all that matters to me!

the CHAIR

Several years ago, Dustin and I bought two brown recliners.  At the time, they were super comfortable, roomy and the perfect chair to sit in while binge watching your favorite show.

After awhile, the "no eating on the new chairs" and "don't let the dogs on the chairs" rules relaxed.  Then we added a few kids to the mix.  Combined with a handful of moves, over time the chairs began to look....less than perfect.

We eventually sold one of the chairs, but the remaining kept getting less and less cool.

I would spot clean it.  And sometimes I convinced Dustin to deep clean it.  But, for the most part, it looked like crap.  And, it started to break, which added to the already pathetic-ness of it all.

But, we didn't get rid of it.  It was like we took pity on it or something.

But, a few months ago, we finally decided the time had come and we took the chair to the dump.  We rearranged our remaining furniture and added pictures and decor to the walls.  In a matter of minutes, the room had a completely different feel to it.  It was like a brand new room.  Over the next few days, I would admire the room and wonder why in the world we put up with that ugly brown chair for so long.  It was broken, dirty and made the whole room feel blah.

Unfortunately, I know the reason why we put off getting rid of it.  It's a pathetic reason, but it's true:  it took effort.  Plain and simple.  And since it took effort that was beyond our usual day to day routine, we dealt with it despite it's negative consequences.

Now for those of you who may be wondering why I consider having a brown chair in my house a negative consequence, you have to understand that I am a HUGE believer in the power of furniture placement.  When I say the room felt better, I mean that literally.  I don't say literally when I should say figuratively.  I mean literally literally.  Rooms have feelings.  I promise.  :)

One of the great things about humans is our ability to resist in tough times.  When I hear stories of people who have survived hardships, I'm in awe.

However, that same spirit of resistance can lead to complacency.  We're prone to live with "whatever" just "because."  Maybe we see something within our community we think could be improved.  We think one voice won't make a difference, so we deal with it rather than speaking up.

When my daughter first started kindergarten, I noticed a particularly busy intersection by the school that would really benefit from a protected left light.  After mulling over it for awhile, I finally decided to e-mail a city official.  To my surprise, I received a response and was told the city wasn't in charge of this street, but that they would relay my concerns to the company in charge.

In the meantime, I found a new route to school thinking my efforts had been in vain.

Months later, I found myself at that same intersection and noticed my suggestion had come to life!  I was so surprised and happy.  Sure, there's a REALLY good chance my suggestion had nothing to do with the change, but it felt good to know I had at least said something.

Last year, as I was going through my day planner, I noticed on September 11th, there wasn't any mention about it being Patriot Day.  September 11th of that year also happened to be Grandparents' Day.  I knew this because the company that made my day planner had the date labeled.

I figured, if you can mention that it is Grandparents' Day, you can certainly mention that it's Patriot Day.

So, I logged on to Twitter and tweeted the following:

When I got my new day planner for 2017, I checked the month of September and was pleasantly surprised that the 11th had been appropriately honored.

Again, I really don't have any proof that my tweet made any difference at all.

But, I also don't have any proof that it didn't.

To me, the important thing was that I saw something that I thought could be improved, and I said something.  To me, the effort, the action is what matters more than the actual result.

Of course, there are plenty of examples of people who take this idea to the extreme, and raising your voice should never result in harm.  #disclaimer

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we don't always have to conform or get used to the way things are.  Because the way things are isn't necessarily the way things should be.

If you don't have to live with a dirty, brown chair...don't.

a change in PRIORITIES: {FAMILY dinner}

Shortly after LL was born, I found a new job.  I was so happy to go back to work after a brief hiatus.  The only downside was there was a three-hour gap between when I had to be at work and when Dustin got home.  So, we hired a baby-sitter.  It was a really good arrangement and was still cost effective for me to work despite having to pay a sitter.

A year later, I had the opportunity to change my hours and completely eliminate the need for a sitter.  Basically, I would leave for work the minute Dustin got home.  It also meant I would be gone during dinner time and not get home until after the girls were in bed.  It was a lot to think about, but ultimately, Dustin and I decided to give the new schedule a go.

A few months ago, it was obvious the schedule wasn't working for our family anymore.  The lack of quality time spent together was proving to be too much, and I knew something needed to change. 

Months prior, I had read a quote by Elder L. Tom Perry.  It read:

"Never let a day go by without holding family prayer and family scripture study.  Put this, the Lord's program to the test; and see if it does not bless your home with greater peace, hope, love, and faith."

This simple piece of advice kept entering my mind, and I knew incorporating family prayer and scripture study into our daily routine would be the key to positive change within our home.

So, even though it meant less income, I rearranged my schedule so that our family could eat dinner together every single night.  I also decided that dinnertime would be the perfect time to read the scriptures together.  It was also the perfect time to have our family prayer.

Our dinner begins at 4:30.  We all sit at the table, say our prayer, and while we eat, Dustin or I read the scriptures.  After dinner, we clean the kitchen together, spend what available time is left talking together, and then exactly one hour from when Dustin got home, I'm heading out the door.  The change was literally that basic.

Now, a few weeks later, I am in awe of the changes I have seen and felt in our home.  It is undeniable.  Truly, I have witnessed greater peace, hope, love, and faith - just as Elder Perry described.

Now, full disclosure, when I say "read the scriptures together" I really mean "read a scripture together."  And, LL is usually only involved in the process long enough to look at her dinner, decide it looks revolting and immediately retreat to her room to play.  Please don't mistake our hour of quality time as perfect.  Because it's not, and it never will be.

But, the point is, we're trying.

How thankful I am for the small and simple things of life.  They really do make all the difference.

 

{#picturedaboveisnotourfamily}

when I was in A RUT...

Every once in awhile, I find myself in a rut.  Nothing in my life is necessarily wrong, but something feels like it's missing.  I experienced such rut a few months ago.  Isabelle had just started school, and our family had began a new schedule that was very much the same each and every day.  

Don't get me wrong - I love schedules and routines!  But there were days that I would think that there was more to me than just waking up, getting ready, dropping kids off at school, picking kids up from school, cleaning, running errands, cooking, going to work, etc.  I felt as though I needed to invest more in myself by way of developing new talents or learning about new things.

I decided to spend some more time in an area that had piqued my interest for years:  essential oils.  I was specifically interested in them in terms of cleaning.  I had always been curious about making my own cleaning products and knew essential oils were often used in homemade recipes.  I reached out to a friend of mine who had a lot of experience with the oils, and she helped me find a starter kit that complimented my needs.  

Not long after, I found myself using the oils every single day.  I used them to clean my kitchen and bathrooms.  I used them to help my family, specifically my kids, calm down in the evening and to get better sleep.  I used them to keep the spiders away in my basement.  I used them to wipe down all the door knobs and other frequently touched surfaces in my house to help eliminate germs.  I used them to help clear up my skin when I broke out into hives.  I used them as a "pick me up" when I felt a bit groggy in the morning and mid-afternoon.  And I used them to help my house smell like a million bucks!

Now, only three months later, I have found myself with a new appreciation and love for these oils.  Not only have they given me a plethora of options in how I care for myself and family, they helped me get out of my rut.  It has been so nice to learn about something new and find new ways to spend my time!

As I've shared them with my family and friends, I've forced myself out of my comfort zone and have seen new ways in which I am capable.  And, as a VERY surprising twist, they have helped me earn some extra cash.  An outcome I was not planning or expecting at all.  But, I'm certainly not complaining!

Do you use essential oils?  If so, how?  I'd love to learn new ways to use them!

Do you have an interest in essential oils?  If so, let's talk!  They really have changed my life.

to my BROTHERS...

I have two younger brothers, Jonathan and Matthew.  Both of them will be embarking on new adventures within the next few weeks - both of which are things that I have gone through myself.  So, what kind of older sister would I be if I did not freely give of my wisdom?

...

Jonathan

Your life as you now know it is changing.  It is not ending.  It is just changing.

Be content in knowing that there really isn't any way to be completely prepared.  Sure, the nursery is all put together and you have a plethora of blankets and clothes.  But, when all is said and done there is no way to fully prepare yourself for how you will feel when you hold your sweet bundle of joy in your arms for the first time.

You may feel an immediate bond.  You may not.  Either way is perfectly normal.

Your baby will entice all sorts of emotions within you.  You may find yourself being completely frustrated to utterly giddy within minutes.

Be prepared to learn how to do all things using only one hand.

Changing a diaper could, at first, take you 15 minutes.  But, before you know it, you'll be a pro.

I don't doubt you'll find yourself looking at your lovely wife and thinking, "She's a natural."

It's easy to focus on all the horrors of parenthood, so instead think about all the memories you have with your (our) dad.  Think about the first time he helped you ride a two-wheel bike.  You're going to be that dad some day.  Think about the first time he took you to Disneyland.  You're going to be that dad some day.  Think about the first time he let you drive a car.  You're going to be that dad some day.

You will be a wonderful father.  And you couldn't ask for a better mother for your child.  Together, you two will make a great home for your daughter.  

And always remember, that one day, your little girl, will say to her friends, "One time, my dad...."  

Make sure her "One time, my dad..." stories are good ones!

Matthew

You're leaving the land of your birth and moving out of state!  Trust me when I say that I am 100% excited for you.  I'm glad that you and your beautiful wife will be embarking on this adventure together.  It's easy to completely change your surroundings when you have the love of your life by your side.

Moving away from family and friends can be difficult at first.  But, just think about how fun it will be to meet new people and form new friendships.  The friendships you make will have a great impact on your new life.  Make sure they are good friends, and people that place similar importance on things as you.

Emerse yourself in your new city.  Sure, you're not that far from home and weekend trips to visit family wouldn't be too far fetched, but make them few and far between.  Don't live to leave your new home.  Live to explore and find out all that it has to offer you.  Become a local.

Be sensitive to your wife.  She agreed to pack up her life and move away from her home just for you.  Make sure her needs are met.  I imagine your shoulder will be her new favorite place to cry when she finds herself missing her mom.

You are lucky to have this experience.  And you probably won't ever have a chance to do this again.  Take advantage of this time to learn and grow and become more independent.  In twenty years, you may just look back and think, "That was a great time!"

...

So, to my little bros, never forget that I am here for you.  I'll help you in any way that I can.  You're always in my thoughts and prayers.

new NORMALS

My youngest daughter, we call her LL, will be four months old tomorrow.  Time usually flies, but it seems to be flying particularly fast when it comes to baby LL.

The past four months have been all about creating a schedule and finding a routine that works for our now family of four.  I knew if I was ever going to have a normal, non-crazy life again, there would need to be some major structure within the walls of my home.

And, thankfully, we have settled on a good schedule and things seem to be heading in the right direction, with all the usual bumps and scratches along the way, of course.

As I watched Isabelle ride her bike in front of our house while holding LL in my arms, I realized my time with the two of them at home all day is quickly coming to an end.  Isabelle will be attending pre-school three days a week starting in August, and it won't be too much longer after that that she'll be in kindergarten.  And then first grade.  And then junior high.  And then high school.

source

I knew if I ever had more than one child, I wanted them a little further apart in age.  That's how it was for me growing up and I liked it.  With the exception of a few years in elementary school, I never went to school with any of my siblings and felt like I had more opportunities to do things on my own because of it.  And, in the end, I think it helped me in many ways.

I'm very proud of the progress we've made as a family and how far we've come with getting used to our new normal.  

This is particularly true with Isabelle.  She struggled at first with being a big sister, but now loves it.  The two of them genuinely love to see each other.  No one can capture LL's attention quite like Isabelle can, and it melts my heart to see them have fun together.

While I think there will be many advantages to having one child in school with another one just at home, I will miss our days of all being home together.

I suppose I should get used to the idea of constant "new normals" because life is doing anything but staying the same these days.

WRAPPING it UP

Today is the last day of the A to Z Challenge.  I got through most of the posts, so I'm happy about what I accomplished.  Even though I didn't get around to writing about it, I do actually have bucket list goals for the letters V, W and Y.  So, here there are.

{v}:  VEGETARIAN

I'm not a big meat eater.  In fact, most of what meat I do eat is chicken.  If I do eat red meat, it's usually in meals like spaghetti or tacos.

Back during my college days, I did cut out red meat completely and liked it.  My husband also was a vegetarian for awhile, but had to change his ways during his time as an LDS missionary.  Both of us have expressed interest in going completely meat free, but haven't quite committed to it yet.  We have, however, lowered our meat intake and usually try to have at least one vegetarian meal for dinner each week.

Because of all this, I'd really like to live a vegetarian lifestyle for at least one year.  I'm curious to know if I'd love it or hate it.  I'm not sure when I'll do this because I do know if I want my children to live a meat-free life as well.  It wouldn't be hard to accommodate both lifestyles, but it would be ideal if we were all on the same page.

Are any of you vegetarians?  What are your motives?

...

{w}:  a healthy WEIGHT

My weight has fluctuated a lot over the last few years.  All in all, I am over weight and am usually uncomfortable in my own skin.

One day, I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw.  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks that I didn't have to look this way.  While that may sound completely absurd, I realized that day how my weight is both a physical and mental health problem.  I had no idea I believed I couldn't change.

A goal I have in life is not to be super skinny, but to be at a healthy weight based on my height and maintain it throughout my life.  I've always struggled with being active.  I'm not one of those people that adores sports and playing them all day long.  So, maintaining a healthy weight for me will include adding activities to my every day routine.  While I'd love a gym membership, it's just not in the cards for me right now.  Instead, I need to be different ways to stay active.  I'd like to start running and I've heard there are so many benefits to jump roping, so I think I'll begin there.

I think this is an important goal not only for me, but also for my family.  I want to be an example of health to my girls, but not in an unhealthy way.  I don't want them hearing me complain about my weight.  I don't want them seeing me try every diet in the book only to fail.  

I realize I shoulder great responsibility with my girls in terms of body image.  I can't prevent them from seeing the misguided pictures of what society deems beautiful.  I probably can't prevent them from, at one point in time, feeling like they are overweight or not pretty.  

I can, however, be an example to them of leading a healthy lifestyle.  If I want them to eat fruits and veggies, I have to eat fruits and veggies.  If I want them to exercise, I have to exercise.  If I want them to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, I have to get outside and enjoy the sunshine.

I feel blessed that I have a desire to change my habits.  Only good things can come from it.

...

{y}:  YOUR song

I think one of the most romantic songs ever is Elton John's Your Song.  It's a simple song with beautiful lyrics.  I could listen to it multiple times a day and never get sick of it.  In my mind, it's timeless.

I would LOVE to see Elton John in concert and hear him sing this song live.  

That would be totally awesome.

...

And that is wrapping up my A to Z Challenge for this year.  Thanks to everyone who commented!

ADJUSTMENT mode

My life has completely changed.  

I have spent the last several weeks preparing for our new bundle of joy.

And now she's here.  And she's perfect.

We're still in adjustment mode, though, especially my sweet Isabelle.  She's trying her very best to be brave, but sometimes she gets overwhelmed.  It's heartbreaking to watch her struggle and to hear her say she doesn't like being at home because it's "weird."

Dustin planned a few fun outings to do with her which I think made her feel extra special; however, if there's anything I've learned in the past week it's that no outing or activity can compensate for discomfort in the home.  And making sure our house is a happy and positive and safe haven for my girls is my ultimate goal in life.

So, that's what I'm focusing on right now:  making sure that our home is as a place of peace and comfort.  It's not easy, and will be even more difficult when Dustin goes back to work.  But, I'm confident with a lot of thought I can do it!

I consider this an exciting time in my life and hope I can find time to blog more about it.

mom GUILT

I've read a lot about working mothers feeling "mom guilt."  I guess I can consider myself apart of that crowd because these last two weeks have definitely made me second guess having a job.

It all boils down to the fact that Isabelle is horrible at night.  Horrible.  The days of putting her in bed at 8:00 without any problems are long gone.  Now, Isabelle is usually wide awake when I get home from work, which is usually close to 11:00 at night.  And, Dustin is at his wits end as he's been trying for the last three hours to calm her down.

I'm trying to convince myself that this is just a phase, because certainly Isabelle has gone through her fair share of weirdness at bedtime over the years.  But, it doesn't help that this phase coincides perfectly with when I started working again.  Well, I guess I can't say that for sure, but it really seems like things weren't this bad before.  They may have been rocky, but not this bad.

It also doesn't help that the last time I remember Isabelle going to sleep at a decent hour was when I had the day off and we didn't do anything.  We didn't go anywhere.  We stayed at home and had a relaxing day.  And that night, just like the good ol' days, she's was in bed at 8:00.

I thought Dustin and I had made a pretty good schedule for ourselves.  The overlap between when he gets home from work and when I go to work is slim.  She plays hard while at my parents' house, which would normally equate to one tired little girl at the end of the night.

Bottom line, the biggest difference between now and then is that I'm not home.  What once felt like such a mundane process {wake up, get ready, spend the day with Isabelle, make dinner, eat dinner as a family, put Isabelle to bed, go to bed} all of the sudden seems a little bit more important in terms of my daughter's stability.

I guess, for now, I'll just wait things out.  Perhaps Isabelle is just adjusting to a new normal.  Maybe she just needs more time getting used to me not being there as often.  And, if that's the case and this really is just a phase, I hope it ends soon because I don't think I can take the guilt much longer.

something UNEXPECTED

It wasn't that long ago that I was working part-time at a reception center and, for the most part, enjoyed my job and the people I worked with.  The venue did all sorts of events, but for the most part we hosted happy couples on their wedding day.  It was so much fun to watch the bride and groom, to decide if I liked the wedding dress, colors and overall theme of the ocassion.  And, believe it or not, the carnival theme reception was a huge hit with guests.

Like all things, though, there were some major cons to this job.  I made next to nothing, often worked events that were severely understaffed and overall didn't get to work enough.  And, probably the most annoying part of all is that I never knew when my shift would be over which made coordinating with baby-sitters a little tricky.

In the meantime, I spent many hours scheduling and planning for baby-sitters and arranging my life so I could work my butt off only to receive a teeny tiny paycheck that wasn't available to set up on direct deposit and that I couldn't pick up until after 5:00p on payday {which was on a Friday}.  But, at least I was bringing in some money.

Then, things changed for my husband at his job.  His duties and hours changed which almost certainly guaranteed I would have to find a baby-sitter each and every time I worked.  Up until this point, he was home sometimes while I was gone and was able to watch our daughter.

We weighed our options and finally decided that, yes, what little money I did make was helpful, in the long run it was more of a hassle for me to be employed.  So, I quit.  And, let me tell you, I felt such a sense of relief when I did, but it was difficult not to have the extra cash flow, and I often found myself questioning my decision.

Well, a few weeks ago I was reading the book Building Wealth for Building the Kingdom:  A Financial Planning Guide for Latter-day Saint Families by Devin D. Thorpe, and after reading the part about dual incomes I immediately knew I had made the right decision.  In his book, Thorpe explored all the added expenses that can potentially come up when both spouses work, and pointed out that it's important to really understand if a secondary income is actually a benefit.  He touched base on a lot of things that Dustin and I discussed {baby-sitters, spending more money in gas, etc.) before we decided my job, in the long run, wasn't benefiting us to make all extra planning and effort worth the while.

So, after getting a totally unbiased, third-party stance on the matter, I, again felt like I had made the right decision.

Imagine my surprise when I very suddenly and randomly had the thought to look at a major retailer's website to see if they were hiring.  And, after looking at this website many times before {and being completely sure they would not be hiring}, imagine my surprise when I learned they were hiring.  And imagine my surprise when less than 12 hours after completing the online application, I had an interview.

It is times like this, when it's as though the stars all align and things magically fall into place, that I know I'm going in the right direction.  I don't always know why I'm given impressions to do certain things {like suddenly apply for a new job}, but I've had enough experiences like this to know it's not a coincidence.

To be continued.....

P.S. If anyone would like to read Thorpe's book, let me know.  He's giving away free copies to any of my readers that would like to be financially enlightened!  {FYI, it's an e-book for a Kindle.  I don't have a Kindle and was able to read it on my iPad}.

WISDOM in POTTY TRAINING

After a failed attempt to do so last summer, three weeks ago I began to potty train my 3 year old daughter.  The first week felt like a total loss.  The second week I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  And this week has been literally accident-free!

During the last few weeks, I have done a lot of reading about the best way to go about training my daughter.  And to be honest, I took a little bit of advice from various sources, but ultimately I had to rely heavily on my intuition as a mother and the fact that I know my daughter better than any "expert" before I really started to see results.

This has been a huge learning experience for me.  I feel like I can accomplish anything right about now, and I still have a ways to go before I feel like my daughter is completely trained.  So, I decided to share the wisdom I have gained, and hopefully it will be of some help to any parent that may be reading this.

ATTITUDE

I believe potty training is only as successful as your attitude.  I dare say the majority of your success is based almost entirely upon your ability to remain calm and cheerful and patient.  In order to do this, you must be prepared for this process to suck.  Even if it isn't as bad as you think, it is better to be pleasantly surprised than hopelessly discouraged.  The sooner I made up my mind to just embrace the horribleness of it all, the easier it was for me to accept accidents and the sweeter the pee looked in the potty.

COMMUNICATE

Your ultimate goal is to teach your child how to recognize the feeling of needing to use the potty and then going to the potty to do so.  

After a week full of accidents, I realized my daughter wasn't connecting the dots, and it dawned on me that I never communicated to her what she was suppose to do.  I thought I was by rushing her to the potty every time she started to pee, but the verbal communication was not there. 

I started to ask my daughter, "Where do you go when you need to pee/poo?"  At first I had to tell her the answer, but eventually she easily answered, "The potty!"  All day long, every few minutes or so, I asked her this question so she cognitively understood what this entire process was all about.

I believe most problems in life arise from a lack of verbal communication, and potty training is no exception.

DITCH THE UNDIES

During the first week of training, my daughter pranced around our house in a T-shirt and underwear.  I had read virtually everywhere that this was good training attire.  At the beginning of the second week, two people told me to ditch the undies, and even though it seemed weird at first, it worked.  I immediately saw success, and I attribute it to my daughter having one less thing to do before she went potty.  Instead of quickly pulling down the undies and quickly sitting on the potty, all she had to do was sit.  Ditching the undies simplified the process.

It was at this point in time that I decided to

DO THINGS IN STAGES

Stage One:  No undies and potty always in the same room

Stage Two:  Undies on and potty always in the same room

Stage Three:  Undies on and potty in the bathroom

Stage Four:  Undies on, pants on, potty in the bathroom

This may seem excessive to some people, but for my daughter taking things slow and giving her time to master everything one by one has really helped her be successful on a regular basis.  And, I'd rather take things slow and be successful than push my agenda on her and have accidents every day.

BEING IN PUBLIC

Of course, mastering the art of peeing in the potty at home is one thing.  Not having an accident in public is another.  Everything I read said to not do anything for a few days, and to be hermits until your child is trained.  Well, because my daughter wasn't completely trained in a few days, I had to interrupt the process every once in awhile.  And when we were out in public I put my daughter in a diaper, but the minute we got home she was back to her undies {or no undies depending on the stage}.  So long as I was consistent when it came to being at home versus not being at home, I felt okay about the interruptions.

Now that we're on stage four, I'm attempting to take her out in public with her undies on.  We'll take short drives or go to a restaurant and order our food to go.  All the while, I am asking her if she needs to go potty, and because our trips thus far have been short, if she expresses the need to go I always tell her we're almost home.

Another hurdle with being in public is public restrooms.  My daughter is currently using her own potty, so one of the things I am going to introduce to her soon is the big potty.  Because she does such a great job of letting me know when she needs to pee, once she is willing and able to go on the big potty being in public won't feel so daunting to me.

Any advice about being in public?

BEDTIME

I let my daughter wear just her PJs or PJs and undies to bed for a week, and she consistently woke up wet.  So, after a lot of thought, my husband and I decided to have her wear Pull-Ups at night until she starts waking up dry.  I don't refer to them as Pull-Ups. I call them her underwear just like I do her real underwear.  I honestly don't think she realizes the difference because one morning she told me she needed to use the potty shortly after she woke up and was still wearing her Pull-Up. If she thought it was diaper, she would've just gone in the Pull-Up.  I know Pull-Ups have a bad reputation for deterring the entire process, but for my daughter it works.

REFUSING TO GO

Because we had been down this road before, my daughter fought potty training with all her might.  She didn't have an accident or go to the potty AT ALL until 2:00p one afternoon.  She held it in FOR HOURS just so she wouldn't have deal with the change.  One stubborn cookie I created let me tell you!

What did I do?  I began taking things away and turning things off.  No TV on.  No toys out.  And, the thing she hated most:  no yellow blankie.  I learned that as soon as there wasn't anything to distract her from going potty, the sooner she would go.  The idea to turn things off and take things away was inspiration from above because it worked like a charm.  Within minutes, she was going potty and I immediately gave her back her things because I wanted her to associate losing privileges with not going potty.

REWARDS

What did I reward my daughter with?  Hershey Kisses.  She loves them, but rarely eats them.  In fact, before our potty training began I think she had only had one her entire life.  In other words, getting a Kiss every time she peed in the potty was a big deal.

I learned that I needed to make the reward as enticing as possible because I have a smart kid, and she knew a crappy bribe when she saw one.  No pun intended.

MAKE IT A BIG DEAL

Each and every time my daughter had a success, it was a BIG DEAL.  We clapped, we hugged, we looked at the pee in awe.  And, most importantly, we called Dad at work to let him know about the good news.  No matter what kind of mood my daughter was in before she had a success, she was ELATED afterwards.

And, don't worry about having to fake through this being a big deal.  It IS a big deal and if you're anything like me, you'll be just as elated as your child if not more so.

BE EASY ON YOURSELF

I can't tell you how many times I felt like a complete and utter failure.  After reading story after story about parents whose kids were potty trained in 3 days and knowing my daughter would be nowhere near trained in probably a month, I often wondered what I was doing wrong.  I constantly had to remind myself that things were okay and that everything would fall into place eventually.  My husband was a great support, and always told me what a great job I was doing.  He always told me how proud he was of me.  And pretty soon I stopped beating myself up because, in the end, I was doing the best that I knew how.

Ok, there's my wisdom on potty training.  I hope it helped someone out there.  And, please do share any tips or secrets you may have because the more wisdom I have the better!

GIFTS from MY DAUGHTER

Exactly three years ago today, I woke up at 7:00a.  As I looked around the room and noticed it was light outside it hit me:  I had slept through the night.  I frantically sat up and looked at my 4 week old daughter sleeping soundly in her bassinet just a short distance from me.

On that day, my daughter gave me the greatest Valentine's Day present of all by sleeping through the night.   And, once I  knew she was breathing and totally fine, I was able to lay back down in bed and enjoy a few more hours of bliss.

My daughter gave me two other great presents for Valentine's Day this year.  On Sunday, we went to church {I was tempted to skip, believe me} and we decided at the last minute to sit in the chapel.  As church began, my daughter sat quietly on her daddy's lap and I was able to keep her entertained with books and treats all throughout the meeting.  She was so well-behaved I almost couldn't believe it.  

Yesterday, we started week two of potty training.  My daughter is fighting the change with all her might.  I sincerely believe she knows what to do, she just doesn't want to do it.  This is totally in character for her, and I knew she would not be one of those kids trained in a few days.  

Anyway, Monday morning rolled around.  I put her in just a T-shirt and waited for her to have an accident so I could quickly run her to her potty.  I've learned that putting her on the potty every 10, 20, 30 minutes only leads to a complete meltdown, so our strategy is to catch her in the act and go from there.  After hours of being awake and no accidents I knew my daughter was getting close to not being able to hold it anymore.  As I watched her cross her legs and look completely rigid as she walked around the house, I wondered when she was going to let it go and stop fighting the change.

Then, as I was cleaning up after lunch, she said, "I wanna go potty."  I said, "Ok."  She then sat on her potty and went.  She was so excited, and I was so excited.  We hugged for a long time.  It was great progress, another milestone.  We called my husband at work to share the great news, and for a split second, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Because Valentine's Day is all about expressing love to those you care most about, I find it ironic that my daughter chooses this time of year to be at her best or to hit certain milestones.  I can't help but love this holiday more and more.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012 = IMPROVEMENT

It was January 2010.  I had just welcomed in the new year and had put together a fun list of 65 things to do in 365 days.  I was looking forward to my list.  It included minor things like organizing the photos on my computer to seeing a play or going to a baseball game.

Then February came, and Dustin and I decided to put our house on the market.  Our plan was to pack up our house and move to a different state so we could be closer to family.

And my list basically went out the window.  Suddenly, I found myself more concerned with the condition of my house and making sure it was "sellable" than doing much of anything else.

I spent my days making sure our house was presentable at {almost} all times just in case a realtor called wanting to show it.

What felt like an eternity in reality was only five months, and we found ourselves accepting an offer.  The next month was spent packing, moving, settling.  With a sudden change in jobs {after just one month of being hired}, we found ourselves packing, moving and settling again the following month.

I learned during 2010 that no matter what I planned on, things could change in an instance.  Sure, I had a lot to do with all the change that took place in my life that year, but despite that, ever since I've sort of lost interest in resolutions.  Part of me feels like it was pointless to do my 65 in 365 list when, just a few weeks after I put it together {and, trust me, it was not easy coming up with 65 things to do} a lot of my priorities changed.

Most of 2011 was spent recovering from 2010.  Both were pretty tough years on so many levels.  Now that we're a week into 2012, I'm still up in the air about making any resolutions.  Karen does an awesome 52 Project that is such a great idea.  Then there's making just a few, big resolutions.  

Then there's the idea of just being better.  Improving.  Be it a better mom, a better wife, or a better neighbor.  I think improving and striving to be better fits my lifestyle the most.  This way, as things come up, when life throws me a sudden curveball, I can still maintain my general goal of improvement.

Works for me!

CHANGE is USUALLY always GOOD

My daughter received a very generous gift from her grandparents a few months ago:  Rapunzel pajamas.  She fell in love with them INSTANTLY, and it has been rather difficult to get her to wearing anything else ever since.

So, this week I decided I was done seeing her wearing her PJs 24/7, and have enforced a new rule that she must be dressed during the day and only wear her PJs at night.  

And, it has been a challenge.  Days one and two were successful, but today was a different story and I ended up letting her wear them because I just didn't have the patience to endure another tantrum.

As I watched my daughter prance around the house in her beloved PJs, I decided if I was going to make her give up wearing them all day long, I needed to sacrifice something too.  So, I'm going to limit my time on the computer and iPod to only when she is asleep.  This gives me nap time and bedtime to catch up my e-mails, blog and to post whatever irrelevant status I need to on Facebook.

I hope to accomplish two things.  First of all, I hope my sacrifice helps me be more patient with my daughter.  If I can relate my wanting to be "on the net" to her wanting to wear her favorite piece of clothing, I imagine I'll have more patience with her when the tantrums and the whining begin.

And second, I hope to spend more quality time with my daughter.  Too often we'll be in the same room together, but we're doing two different things.  Sometimes I'm folding laundry and she's playing, but too often I'm wasting time on the computer while she's playing.  Sure, often times I'm doing legit things like paying bills, but when all is said and done I should be playing more with my daughter.  My time with her is precious, and I should take advantage of every minute I have.

Wish me luck!

Monday means "What the..." (On Thursday)

There's a commercial for Arby's on TV these days that inspired my "What the..." for the week.  It starts out with a guy falling asleep at the wheel because he's apparently not getting enough Arby's.

Some of my readers may know that over 14  years ago my husband (then 16) was in a horrible car wreck.  He and his sister were driving along a two lane highway in Wyoming when a semi-driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit their car head on.

While my husband escaped the crash with minor injuries, the impact of the crash killed his sister, Shannon, immediately.

Our society spends so much time cautioning us against the dangers of drinking and driving and now texting and driving; however, drowsy driving seems to be getting the shaft, so much so that companies like Arby's think it is okay to use it as a marketing tool to sell their over priced, not so great sandwiches.  I mean, can you imagine any company making light of drunk driving to sell a product?  It's absolutely appalling, and the same standard should be set for drowsy driving.

Not everybody drinks.

Not everybody texts.

But, everybody gets tired, making drowsy driving extremely dangerous and completely under rated.

My mother-in-law is boycotting Arby's until the commercial is off the air.  I will be doing the same.  If you or anyone you know has been the victim of drowsy driving, please consider writing Arby's a complaint.  Or, share this post on your blog, or on Facebook.

Let's make the streets just a little bit safer by demanding smarter advertising.

"What the..."!

P.S. I couldn't find a video of the commercial to post here, so if anyone can find it, please let me know!

Being a MOM

The other day I heard someone say, "I love being a mom."

It got me thinking about whether or not I have uttered those 5 words in the two years I have been a mother.   And, in all honesty, I don't think I ever have.

I talked to Dustin about it.  I asked him if he had ever said, "I love being a dad."  He didn't think he had either.

I went a little further and asked him if he thought loving your child means you love being a parent.  We both concluded that the two are not one in the same.

I love my daughter with all my heart.  I am so glad she is a part of my life, and I cannot imagine it without her.  I know Dustin feels the same way.  We love her so much.  She is hilarious, smart and so adorable.  It is stunning to watch her grow physically and cognitively and emotionally.

We are three peas in a pod.  We are a family.  We fit together.

However, my love for my daughter does not equate to loving all that comes with being a mom.  I think that's sort of a given.  But I'm not just talking about the tantrums, the sleepless nights, and constantly changing diapers.

I don't like it when people walk into my house and act amazed that it's clean.  Am I suppose to have a dirty house because I am a mom?  

I don't like being categorized as a "homemaker" on applications for credit cards, mortgages or even tax return forms.  

I don't like being asked if I "get" to stay at home or if I "have to work."  I also don't like the looks I get when I say, "I have a part-time job because I like to work."  Are my interests and other goals in life suppose to disappear once I am a mom?

I don't like it when people, especially people who are not parents (like Oprah), say being a mom is the hardest job in the world.  It's almost like they want to make you feel better about being a mom and not some hot shot executive.  I also think it is sexist.  It's difficult sometimes to be a dad.

I know there are a lot of women out there that want nothing more than to be a mother.  I know there are many women who have a difficult time getting pregnant.  I imagine some of my statements make me sound like I am a horrible, ungrateful person.  I know I take the fact that I had no trouble at all getting pregnant for granted.

But, from the minute my daughter was born I went from being identified one way to being identified in a completely new way.  It's been a struggle for me from the beginning.  It continues to be a struggle.  And every once in awhile, things I hear other people say, like "I love being a mom," brings all those struggles to the surface and I just have to get them out.

Thoughts?

NATURE vs. NUTURE

Last year, in lieu of a few big resolutions, I put together a 65 in 365 days list.  It was more like a bucket list - things I wanted to do that year.  They varied from organizing the photos on my computer to putting together a puzzle to reading so many books that year.  I was really excited about my list and had hope I would accomplish most all of them.  After all, they were simple.

Then February came along, and we decided to put our house up for sale.  My priorities changed drastically and the small things I put on my list suddenly seemed so totally ridiculous. 

At the end of the year, I reviewed my list and did accomplish more than I expected, so that was good.

This year, I decided to pass on the lists because there really is one thing I really want to accomplish.  I want to change my lifestyle.  I want to be more active.

I am not the type of person that naturally loves to get up in the morning and go for a jog.  My nature is to sit down and write in my journal while listening to music.  That's just me.  And for the longest time I hated that about myself.  I always wondered why I wasn't born with this innate desire to run marathons, go hiking or play sports.

But after awhile I decided not to beat myself up over being me.  What is the point in that?  I'm happy with who I am.  I love myself.  I think I'm a decent person.  On the other hand, I don't think I'm born without the ability to change or be influenced by my environment.  If I want to, I can learn to enjoy new things.

I've narrowed my goals to two things:  spend more time outside and do yoga.

Is it cliche to do yoga?  Regardless, I've always been drawn to it.  The few times I have done it, I've really enjoyed it.  The idea of putting your body into certain positions as a source of relaxing and reflection is very appealing to me.  So, I'm going to find a good yoga DVD and give it a whirl.

I once read a blog about people who were trying to lose weight by walking outside everyday.  To make things interesting, they each carried a camera with them and took a picture of something they saw while walking.  I thought this was a great idea because it keeps the focus not on walking and losing weight but watching out for something beautiful.  So, I'm going to give this idea a whirl too.

My ultimate goal is to learn to love life in a different way, to try to extend myself, but not put too much pressure on myself.  I really believe the more I try new things the more those things will naturally become apart of me.

Thoughts?

So, ANYWAY....

My life has changed somewhat drastically since my last post.  At that time, we were living in Idaho Falls, ID and our house was on the market and had been since February.  Our plan was to move to Utah so we could be closer to our families.

Here are a few more details:

• 7/22:  Realtor called to schedule a showing
• 7/23:  Same realtor called to schedule another showing with same clients
• 7/24:  Two realtors called to schedule two separate showings
• 7/27:  Received offer on house and immediately countered
• 7/28:  Received a counter to my counter.  Didn't budge on our counter knowing full well the buyers could walk, but took the change anyway
• A few hours later on 7/28:  Buyers agreed to my original counter.
• 7/29:  Buyers asked if we could be out of the house in two weeks.  We said yes.
• 8/16:  The official date to close on the house.

In those two weeks, my husband and I managed to move the majority of our belongings to Utah and he found a new place to work; however, he still had a lot of things to do at his current job before he could quit, so he stayed in Idaho Falls until August 27 while my daughter and I went to Wyoming to stay with my in-laws.

On August 16, we closed on the house.  We immediately booked it to Utah to find a new place to live.  Our plan was to find a temporary rental until we figured out where we wanted to buy a house.

After three weeks of being apart, my little family was altogether again under the same roof on August 28.  Dustin started his new job the Tuesday after Labor Day and we all started to settle.

Fast forward one week.....

Dustin got a new job opportunity 70 minutes away from our house.  The job was too good to pass up:  amazing benefits, great opportunity to advance or "move up the ladder," overall, a tons better job than his current.

Fast forward two weeks....

We found a NEW place to live just one month after moving to Utah.  By moving, it cut Dustin's commute over in-half AND we were much closer to my family.  A better job, a better location, better everything.

In other words:  August = Idaho and Wyoming, September = Utah #1, October = Utah #2, November = Utah #2.

I think we'll stay put for awhile....

Assuming I still have any readers, what have you all been up to??

CROSSROADS

In May of 2004, I graduated from Weber State University, earning a Bachelor's degree in Family Studies.  At the time, I had a job that was great while I was a student because of the flexible hours, but I always told myself once I graduated I would quit and get a job related to my field.

A few weeks after graduation, I moved into a new apartment and began working full-time for the same company.  My plan was to keep my job while searching for new opportunities.  I also had the plan to go to graduate school the following year.  It seemed like the perfect plan.  

Nearly six months went by and I still had not found a new job, but I wasn't frustrated. I figured it would take awhile. And in the meantime I was learning more about admission requirements for graduate school, getting used to the thought of living in Alabama and dreading the idea of taking the GRE.

One day, while I work, I received an e-mail from my supervisor.  She asked if I had heard about a job opening in a different department and wondered if I was going to apply for it.  I hadn't heard about the position and even though I knew this wasn't her intention, because she sent me that e-mail, I felt a little pressure to apply for the job.  

I had a week to submit my resume, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should do.  I knew I was qualified for the job and stood a really good chance of getting it.  I knew a lot of my friends (including Karen) were applying for it which made things kind of awkward.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through with it.

After a few days of thinking things over, I soon realized I was making a very critical decision.  A life changing decision. I knew if I applied for the job, I would get it. I knew accepting the job would change all the plans and goals I had just set for myself.  Without a doubt, I was at a crossroads in my life and I didn't know why.  All I knew is that I had to apply for the job, and I wasn't happy about it.

I submitted my resume and soon had an appointment for an interview.  

The day of my interview, I contemplated what to wear.  I had learned all the do's and don'ts of interviewing, including proper attire.  I knew wearing denim wasn't the best choice, so I wore a jean jacket.  I knew wearing perfume wasn't a wise decision, but I wore it anyway.  I knew I probably should've put my hair up, but I wore it down.  I did what I could to not make the best impression because I was scared of getting this job.

I was offered the job.  And I accepted it.  And I knew it was the right decision to make, but still didn't know why.

Weeks later, something unexpected happen:  I began feeling different about a really good friend of mine. A friend that was a boy.  I was annoyed at these new feelings. This guy had been my friend for over a year, and I was satisfied with our relationship.  Suddenly, I was more attracted to him and wanted to spend more time with him.  A new job, now this?  I wanted to tell life I was tired of all the curve balls.

Fast forward at most 10 weeks (yes, that's right, 10 weeks) I found myself engaged. Yes, I was engaged  to this guy whom I had no interest in just months earlier.  It was insane.  Totally insane.  But, it made sense and completely the right thing to do.

I know not everyone believes in God, but I do.  And I know He lead me in a different direction than the one I had all mapped out for myself.  And maybe that was so I could marry Dustin.  Maybe it was to spare me from a situation that would've come about had I gone to graduate school.  I probably won't know the answers to these questions for awhile.  And that is okay because it doesn't matter.

What matters is that I am happy with my husband.  I'm thankful for the life we have built together and the many years to come.

I'm humbled to know that God, in all his infinite power and wisdom, takes time to guide me in the right direction.  And I'm so grateful I listened to Him!

goal #35

"Complete a "First Year" book for Isabelle"

-Goal #35, Emily's 65 in 365 List

At the beginning of the year, I put together a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish in 2010.  The list was 65 things to do in 365 days.  I got the idea from my friend, Karen.  It's not a list full of resolutions.  No way could I EVER resolve 65 things in one year.  This list is more of a bucket or "to do" list.  My goals range from organizing the photos on my computer to going to the dentist to memorizing all the US presidents in order.

Last week, I completed goal #35:  Complete a First Year book for Isabelle.  Isabelle is my daughter, by the way.  Thanks to iPhoto, I now have a 95 page book chronicling Isabelle's first year of life.  It's a pretty great book, and I'm really proud of it.  Now, comes the hard part -  paying for it.  It will cost around $135 dollars for a hard copy or $100 for a soft copy.  Because I'm not super, super rich, I considered a soft copy, but now think hard would be better.

What do you think?

Whether I should order a hard or soft copy book isn't what this post is all about.  Now that I've finished the book, I'm wondering if I sill need to order actual prints of all the pictures I take of Belle.  If everything is in this book, is that enough?  When I'm long gone and Belle's great-great-grandchildren are looking through all her stuff, will they want individual copies of her pictures?

I think photo books are so great.  I think they are greater than photo albums.  They are clean and organized and focus on the picture instead of frilly stuff usually found in scrapbooks.  But, I'm still torn.  Are traditional photo albums a thing of the past?  Would it be silly to have both just in case one is preferred over the other?  Am I the only one that thinks this is a big decision?  Do I need to stop freaking out and be okay with just my lovely photo book?

Thoughts?