WHAT'S in a NAME?

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

-Romeo & Juliet

Several years ago, I was experimenting with a new medication for my epilepsy.  Dustin and I had decided we wanted to have a child, and my current medication was not recommended for women who were pregnant or trying to get pregnant.

After a lot of trial and error, I began taking a new medication that not only controlled my seizures but also had the least serious side effects while taken while pregnant.  And, it wasn't long after that, that I found out I was pregnant.

Not long into my pregnancy, I went to the pharmacy to pick up a refill.  I noticed that the price of my prescription was significantly less than it had been before.  When I asked the pharmacist about the price difference, he said it was because I was given the generic, not name-brand, medicine.

I was confused and concerned about any changes being made while I was still pregnant, and promptly called my doctor.  I was told that the generic medicine had the same ingredients as the name-brand and was safe for me to consume.

I've been thinking about that experience a lot lately and how it relates to labels.

Everything in our life has a label.

Products are labeled.  People are labeled.  Places are labeled.

And we put a lot of stock into these labels.

Sometimes a label really does make a difference.  For example, spending $$$ on a table from West Elm will more than likely lead to owning a higher quality product as compared to a table you would buy from Target.

There is nothing wrong with wanting products from high quality companies, especially if your budget allows for it.

The problem with labels come when we use them to elevate our own status or worth.  Am I a better person because I own a table from West Elm as compared to the person that owns a table from Target.  The answer is, obviously, no.

I think it's sometimes hard to remember that.

Owning a certain product doesn't mean you're better or worse than somebody else.  It just means you own a certain product.

Product labels are one thing.  But, what about labels we put on ourselves or other people?

For example, politicians.  How likely are you to justify a political leader's behavior so long as they belong to the same political party as you?  From my perspective, we will justify or shrug off or accept or even deny facts so long as the leader is labeled correctly.

The same is true for our family members, friends, celebrities or well-respected community members like doctors. 

I happened upon a conversation on Facebook between a man running for mayor and a voter.  The man running for office had a lot of great things to say.  He had good ideas.  He was well-written and appeared to have a genuine concern for the city.  The voter was only interested in one thing:  what party the candidate belonged to.  It was obvious the voter would only consider this candidate's ideas or concerns legitimate so long as he belonged to the correct party.

The candidate eventually disclosed his political affiliation and the conversation was over.

Keep in mind, his ideas for the city had not changed.  He still meant what he said.  But, because he now had a labeled attached to him, he was either liked or disliked regardless of the details.

I don't think there's really any way around labels in general.  Certainly, not when it comes to products.  But, it would be nice to see some changes with labels when it comes to people.

Some people with all the right labels aren't necessarily good people making good decisions.

And some people with the less-than flattering labels aren't necessarily bad people making bad decisions.

Some labels are inevitable, like our race or ethnicity...unless you're that white woman living in Seattle.

Other labels, like being cool because you shop at Trader Joe's, are meaningless.  A great example of this is when some frozen food line was recalled from Trader Joe's and Walmart stores.  I had a good laugh at that one.

I'm trying really hard to look beyond the labels we give ourselves or other people.  Whether we're rich or poor, male or female, married or single or divorced, we all have value.  We all have strengths that are needed in our society.  And we all have weaknesses that other people can help us with.  We're more similar than we realize.

And, at the end of the day, whether name-brand or generic, I'm not having seizures.  

And that's all that matters to me!

the MODEST girl

I recently read a post on Facebook written by someone I don't know that went along these lines:

 "Parents, please make sure your daughter dresses modestly so my son doesn't get addicted to pornography."

{Ok, so that is a slight exaggeration}

But, it may as well been that blatant of a statement, which, by the way, infuriated me.

Regardless, I decided that, as a mother of two girls, I better get on this request of making sure my daughters are dressed a certain way.  So, I added it to my current To-Do list:

Monday: Take pictures of my daughters' wardrobe.  Send pictures to parents of boys for approval
{Note to self:  Research the most affordable place to buy pantsuits}

Tuesday:  Have a sit-down with my daughters.  Reiterate the importance of understanding the changes the male body experiences during puberty.  Make sure they understand how sensitive we should be towards our male friends.  

{Note to self: buy more tampons and Midol}

Wednesday:  Send an e-mail to Macy's, Nordstrom, etc., asking them when their new line of prom dresses with high-necks and sleeves will be in stock.  Find a full day to go dress shopping. 

{Note to self:  hire a good seamstress}

Thursday:   Take that first leap of faith by letting my daughter walk to a friends house by herself.  But first, review the family "code" word.  Buy some more pepper spray.
{Note to self:  Research self-defense classes}

Friday:   Encourage daughters to get good grades, and tell them I hope they plan to attend college.  Help them understand that exercising their minds is just as important as exercising their bodies.
{Note to self:  Research how to teach your daughter that looks are not the most important thing while simultaneously teaching her that she needs to look a certain way.}

...

Don't get me wrong.  I understand the basic principle behind the original post.  I have standards for my daughters and do not think they should be allowed to wear whatever they want.  And I'll do my best to make sure that when they leave my house they are dressed in a manner that I deem appropriate.

But, the bottom line is this:

It is not my responsibility, nor my daughters' responsibility, to make sure your son does not engage in anything improper or immoral, be it actions or thoughts.

That's your responsibility.  

But, mostly, it's his responsibility.

So, if you could take the state of your son's morality off my plate of things to do, I'd really appreciate it.

{#ohsnap!}

almost UNEMPLOYED

When I began working again, I knew it'd only be for a short period of time.  I had very specific goals with my paychecks (goals that both Dustin and I agreed to), and planned from the beginning to quit once those goals were met.

Of course, things changed a bit once I found out I was pregnant.  

And today I find myself only obligated to go to work two more times.  I'm very happy to be winding down my employment for the time being, but I'm sad to leave the people I have come to know. Thanks to Facebook, I know we'll still keep in touch, and I can obviously visit them at work whenever I want.  But, it will still be sad not to see them on a regular basis, even if I am a good decade older than most of them and I'm in a completely different stage in life than most of them.

Despite all that, here are a few things I've learned about myself and others while having this job:

1.  Because of my degree, I know I could have moved up the ladder.  Even though working full-time was not on my agenda, it's nice knowing that I had that option.  I'll always be grateful for my education.

2.  I can get along with pretty much any type of person.  It helps if that person knows how to carry on a conversation, but it's not required for me to still tolerate their company.

3.  I tend to give unsolicited advice.  I need to work on that.

4.  Few feelings compare to that of coming home after a hard day at work.  Thanks, Dustin, for always being there to listen to me vent.

5.  Good, reliable co-workers are hard to come by.

6.  Retail is a very under appreciated career.  After all, without retail employees, there would be no Black Friday.

7.  Even though I was not hired to be a maid, I certainly felt like one.  There are garbage cans in the store for a reason.

8.  It's sad when people are shocked when they receive good customer service.  It shouldn't be that big of a surprise when people not only do their job, but do it well.

9.  Whether she takes my advice or not, Isabelle will learn the importance of hard work and keeping her word.

10.  I'm definitely going to miss my paychecks!

What sort of things have you learned about yourself and other people by working?

Thoughts?

to you, the CONSUMER, from me, the EMPLOYEE

The next time you find yourself at a large retail store {not Walmart}, please consider my wish list.

If you are looking at something {like a shirt} and it falls on the floor, please pick it up.

If you decide not to buy something you've been carrying around, please return it to it's original location, or at least in the general location of where it belongs. {I want to pull my hair out when I find sliced cheese in the shoe section.}

If you decide to eat/drink while browsing the store, please throw your garbage away.  There are garbage cans located all over the store. {A spilled slurpee is never fun to clean up}

Please don't allow your children to wear a pair of shoes you have no intention of buying while you shop.  And if you do, please put them back near the shoe section so when we go to defect them out {throw away} they are easy to find.

If your child has an accident in the toy section, please don't tell an employee about it after you've already left the scene.  Stay near the accident and have someone else {the other people you're shopping with} find an employee so it can be cleaned up asap.  Would you, as an unsuspecting shopper, like to trip and fall in someone else's pee?

It's not my problem you have to rush around the store to get what you need when you only arrived at the store 10 minutes before closing time. {We're open for 14 hours everyday.}

If you really need a certain product, please come to the store and look for it yourself.  Please don't just call.  I am not your personal shopper, nor do I have time to run around the store looking for what I hope you're talking about while you sit in the comfort of your home.  {Have you heard of online shopping?}

What?  We're out of Easter dresses?  Guess what?  Easter is tomorrow.  {Last minute shopping does have its consequences.}

Contrary to popular belief, you're not the only person alive and not the only customer in the store, so please be aware that you may have to wait a millisecond before you can check out. {Patience is a virtue.}

When the store is closed, the store is closed.  In other words, it's time for you to exit the building and be on your merry way. {When the lights dim, that's your cue.}

...

Too harsh?  Probably.  But, I wish I could convey to you how much of my time is not spent doing my actual job, but on cleaning up after people's carelessness/laziness and it's exhausting.  I'm convinced if people took 2 minutes to throw their garbage away or put things they don't want back where they belong, I'd easily have 2 more hours to actually get my job done.

be MEAN {sometimes}

There are many things that go on in my life that make me remember my unofficial motto:

"Choose your battles wisely."

More often than not, I will let annoying things that other people say or do just go because when all is said and done, it doesn't matter.  I have been taught my entire life to be a nice person, give service when needed and to treat others the way I want to be treated.  And, in general, I truly believe more people need to be tolerant of differences and overall more friendly.

But, there are exceptions to everything, including being nice.

I read a blog written by a girl named Lisa that is dealing with infertility issues.  Lisa and her husband recently moved to a new area, and she made the decision to keep her infertility to herself when she meets new people.

One day, while reading this blog, Lisa wrote about an experience she had when she had to completely hold her tongue.  She had just met a new girl in her neighborhood that made the remark that her life {meaning Lisa's life} would be much better if she had children.

Lisa chose to just nod her head and let the remark slide.

As I read what this perfect stranger had said to Lisa, I was appalled.  I was floored that someone would make such a suggestion to anyone, let alone a person she just met.

I was also floored by the comments the post generated.  Everyone was praising her behavior and that she made the right decision by not saying anything  

First of all, saying someone's life would be better if they had children is just a dumb thing to say.  A statement like that can only be said by a person that is completely void of any knowledge of life existing outside her own.  News flash Fertile Myrtle, just because you do the deed, doesn't mean you plant a seed.

Second of all, it was a mean and inconsiderate thing to say.  And because she chose to say it to a complete stranger tells me that she's learned she can say things like that and get away with it.  And, one of the primary reasons why she gets away with it is because people let her by not saying anything to the contrary. 

Can you imagine how this girl would've felt had Lisa explained that she wants nothing more than to be a mother, but that she is unable to conceive?  Yes, she'd have to share some personal details of her life in order to put this girl in her place, but at the same time she could have taught this ignorant girl a valuable lesson in manners and open-mindedness.

I'm all for being a good, nice person, and like I said before I let a lot of things go.  But, for crying out loud, when people say something that is down right wrong or offensive or just something they shouldn't say at all, call them on it.  Standing up for yourself does not mean you're a bad, awful, mean person.  If you don't say anything, people will continue to behave the same way, and you will continue to have to put up with it.

Obviously, everyone sees battles differently.  This is a battle I would've fought.  Lisa chose not to.

What do you think?

my SOCIAL NETWORK

"In my day, seeing pictures of people's vacations was considered a punishment."

-Betty White's thoughts on Facebook, SNL Monologue

When Belle is napping, I tend to get on Facebook and waste time.  I read status updates, play Bejeweled and sometimes browse through other people's pictures.

The other day, I was looking at pictures posted by a girl I knew in junior high.  We weren't friends in junior high, so naturally it made sense that we were "friends" on Facebook.  After a minute or two of clicking from one picture to the next, I started to get envious of this girl's life.  It seemed so much more luxurious and interesting than my own and I guess I got a little jealous.  And that made me mad.  Why was I letting myself feel this way?  This girl was nothing to me.  I hadn't seen or talked to her in 15+ years.  The three years we were under the same roof for approximately 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, we never talked to each other.  If there was ever a person who could bring me down, this was definitely not the one.

I stopped looking at the pictures and went to my list of friends.  I scrolled through all the names and one by one, I started deleting people.  I deleted people that I had removed from my NewsFeed - people that I had removed from the feed because their comments annoyed me, so why be friends at all? - and so forth.  I ultimately deleted over 100 people.

Now as I glance at my list, I feel it is much more accurate.  They are people I know and have seen or talked to in the last decade.  They are family members, old roommates, close friends from school, etc.  They are people that I genuinely want to be in contact with and who I don't mind see the pictures I post of myself and family.

So, to you my readers, do you ever find yourself looking at photos on Facebook and getting envious?  Are you friends with people you really do like, or were you like me and just accepted (for the most part) and ol' request that came your way?

Thoughts?

NEVER

"Never say never!"

-Good advice

I don't know where the saying "never say never" came from, but it really is good advice, especially if you don't want to look stupid for doing something you said you'd never do!

Here are two examples of when I never should've said never.

First, the mini van.  Everyone seems to have vans in Utah.  Wherever you go, there is always a plethora of vans on the road, in a driveway or in a parking lot.  Even my parents had a van.  Vans are everywhere!

When I got married, a little over five years ago, Dustin and I made the decision to never own a van.  We didn't like the look of the van, the stereotype that people that own vans have like a billion children and so forth.

Then, we bought Sammie, our Cocker Spaniel.

Then, we decided to keep Tod, the stray dog that wouldn't leave our porch and whose owners we could not find.

Then, our daughter Belle was born.

Throw in living hours away from both of our families; hence, a lot of time spent in the car just to visit family.

Combine all these things and the car we had just wasn't cutting it in terms of space and comfort.

So, we decided to look for a bigger car, keeping in mind we were NOT going to get a van.

Test drive after test drive after a dozen test drivers later, we finally agreed to check out a van.  As soon as I got into the car I KNEW it was the right vehicle for our family.   Not only did it have room for 7 people, it was so spacious.  All of our luggage would easily fit, the dogs would have plenty of room to lay down, and so much more.

We bought the van and have really been pleased with it ever since.  

Never say never!

Second, DVD players in cars.

You know how when you're not a parent you still seem to think you know what other parents should or should not be doing with their own children?  You see a mom letting her kid run around in a store and think, "My child will never do that!"  You walk around judging parents left and right as if you were the only person in the world that ever thought about discipline techniques.

Before my daughter was born, and whenever I was on the freeway or doing some city driving, I constantly saw cars that had DVDs in them.  In all my ignorance, I swore, when I had children, there would never be a DVD player in the car.  "My kids will be not be addicted to TV," I thought.  "I'll be able to entertain my children so much better than any old DVD player!"

Well, never, lasted less than 2 years.

After listening to Belle scream in the car for hours (i.e., 4 hour trip to WY Thanksgiving 2009 = 4 hours of screaming) and enduring other tantrums whether we were in the car for an hour or just 5 minutes, Dustin and I finally caved and got a portable DVD player.  We have a great setup.  I hold the main player with all the controls (because I have to have easy access to the rewind button when Belle decides she wants to watch the same clip over and over again) while the other screen is on the headrest of Dustin's seat - perfect for Belle to watch all of her fun movies.

(Try listening to that 44 seconds of video 10 times in a row.  Fun stuff!)

So, from now on, I'm going to withhold saying never as often as I can.  I can't say I'll never say never again, but you never know.  :)

Thoughts?

SUGAR DOLL award

Today Kathie at Just a Happy Housewife gave me the Sugar Doll award.  I thought it was so nice of her to think of me, and I was really excited to be recognized!

Once you have received the Sugar Doll award, you have to follow... 

A Few Rules

1.  Thank the person that gave you the award

2.  Share 10 things about yourself

3.  Pass this award onto 10 bloggers you recently discovered and think are fantastic

4.  Contact the bloggers and let them know you picked them for the award

10 Things About Me

1.  I'm left-handed

2.  I play the violin

3.  I earned a Bachelor's degree in Family Studies

4.  I grew up in Utah

5.  One of my favorite pastimes is browsing iTunes for new music

6.  Dr. Pepper is my drink of choice

7. 30 Rock is my favorite comedy TV show

8.  I enjoy doing the laundry

9.   My 5 year anniversary is only 22 days away

10. My favorite color is black

  Pass this award along
I haven't discovered 10 new blogs recently, so I'll just name a few.
Cheap Wine and Cookies
Diamond Potential
 Stuff I Think About

Thanks again for the award Kathie!

a WEAKNESS of MINE

I've been pretty "thoughtless" lately. It always bothers me when I get this way, but what do ya do?

Today, I Googled "BloG Topics." I came across this website which had all sorts of ideas. Very helpful indeed, and until I get my own thoughts in order, I'm going to borrow these topics.  Today I'm going to tackle #9: I Wish I Spent Less Money on This.  

Without a doubt, I wish I spent less money on going out to eat.  

It all comes down to laziness.  Pure laziness.  I'm not a terrible cook, and once I start cooking I have a good time.  The problem is getting around to cooking.  It's kind of like going to gym.  I love it when I'm there, but getting there is a different story.

On Monday, a new Panda Express opened near my house.  My husband really likes Chinese food.  I used to love it, but lost all interest in it while I was pregnant.  Weird.  Anyway, he had been looking forward to going to trying it, so we decided to check it out the day it opened.  Holy crap!  The place was packed.  The dining area was swarming with people.  The drive-thru had about 20 cars waiting.  I could not believe my eyes.  I couldn't believe people were willing to wait so long for fast food Chinese.  Seriously, people, it's not that good.

My husband and I weren't about to wait, and decided to eat there at a later time.  An A LOT later time.  We've since heard people waited 45 minutes to get their food. Again, seriously, people, 45 minutes for Chinese food?

The craziness at Panda Express really made me think twice about eating out.  Seeing all those people waiting to eat rice and chicken at high prices helped me realize how unnecessary eating out really is.  It's not healthy for one thing and it can be such a waste of money.  The amount of money I spend at the grocery store for two weeks worth of food is maybe the equivalent of four or five take out meals.  The amount of money I spend on food that will provide breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks is about the same as five meals at a restaurant? When I do the math, it just really blows my mind.

The real question is - why do I spend so much money on going out?  Besides being lazy, the fact of the matter is, I like to.  It's fun to go to restaurants.  I've always like it, and probably always will.  Another reason I enjoy it is because I don't have to worry about what to cook.  My husband can get what he wants.  I can get what I want.  It's simple.

Despite my love for eating out, I have a new determination to eat at home and enjoy the company of my family without the loud music, bad service or worrying about my daughter's high pitched screams (which is something she does when she's happy) bothering those around me.  In the end, it will help the budget and allow us to spend quality time together.  Have you seen those Family Dinner Time commercials?  Yeah, that's gonna be my family from now on.  :)

Wish me luck.  This is going to be difficult for me!

Thoughts?