DRESS wars

In January, Isabelle turned 8 years old.

Being eight is kind of a big deal because it means you can be baptized a member of our church.  Isabelle decided she wanted to be baptized, so we started to plan for the special day.

Traditionally, girls will wear pretty white dresses after they have been baptized.  It's not required (I wore a black dress after my baptism), but Isabelle expressed an interest in getting one, so I began the search for a dress she might like.

After a lot of online browsing, I went to an actual store to see some dresses in person.  I absolutely fell in love with the dress pictured above, top row, second from the right.  I loved the pleats and the simple broach on the waist. 

Not long after, I brought Isabelle to the store so she could try on the dress I knew she'd love.

With wide eyes, she glanced at all the dresses and focused in on one that I did not like at all.  I tried to redirect her attention to my favorite dress, but it didn't work.  Eventually, we took both into a dressing room and it was obvious which dress we'd end up buying.

Her face glowed and her smile was so genuine as she stared at herself in the mirror, wearing the dress she picked out.

The glow faded and the smile disappeared when she tried on anything else.

When we left the store, her smile had returned as we carried her favorite dress out to the car.  I, on the other hand, was disappointed and then felt guilty for letting it bother me.

On the day of her baptism, Isabelle looked beautiful.  She was wearing the dress that she loved so much, and I could tell she felt special.  

And that is what I ultimately wanted for her.

So, mission accomplished...just accomplished differently than I expected.

MUSIC mondays: JAMMIN' in the CAR

I really, really hope my daughters learn to love music as much as I do.  Music is something that I feel very passionate about, and so I try to make sure the three of us always listen to music at least one time throughout the day.  Usually, we do this while driving in the car.  And, I like to listen to my music loud, and, thankfully, my girls do too.  Here are a few of our favorites!

Bad Blood by Taylor Swift

I'm not gonna lie:  I hate loving this song, but it's a good song.  It just is.  In fact, the girls and I love a lot of songs from this album.

Give Us a Little Love by Fallulah

This song was one of my Pretty Little Liar finds.  Luckily, I began watching that show otherwise I never would have found this song.  LL loves to clap along to this song, and I'm confident that one day she'll be on beat.

Skipping Stones by Claire De Lune

Another Pretty Little Liar find.  The best part about this song is around 1:52.  Isabelle just starts to belt out the lyrics.  It's awesome.

THINGS that made me SMILE this week

Most mornings, I wake up looking like this

Not only looking, but feeling beautiful and ready to conquer the world

However, completely out of the blue and totally random, one day this week, I awoke from my peaceful slumber looking a bit more like this

So, naturally, I ate a piece of cake for breakfast.

As I was enjoying my healthy breakfast, my two-year old daughter, LL, approached me with a smile.  She gently caressed my hair with her small hand, looked directly into my eyes and said, "You look so pretty, Mama!"

Is there really anything more to life than that?

Another day, my oldest daughter, Isabelle, found her set of toy instruments.  She began walking around the house playing the Triangle.  You know, the Triangle.  There's usually only one Triangle instrument per orchestra because there's no need for more than one.  One is plenty loud. 

Eventually, she made her way into the office where I was taking care of a few things on the computer.

Literally inches from my ear, she asked excitedly, "Can you hear me?!"

I immediately stopped what I was doing and reassured her that, yes, I could hear her playing just fine all while trying so hard not to laugh out loud.

...

And these, my friends, {#johnmccain} are just two examples of things that made me smile this week.

a {DAY}

 I keep this note in my phone.  Obviously, November 19th was a bad day, but I honestly don't remember any of the details of how things went down.

Unfortunately, I still have days like this.  I imagine every mom does.

And the thing that never ceases to amaze me is that even though, logically, I know I'm not alone when it comes to the hardships of raising children - emotionally, I always feel like there's no one else who understands what I'm going through.

And even though I allow my daughters to influence me to feel like the worst person in the world, one millisecond of bliss within our home can make up for a week of obstacles.  And suddenly I'm the best mom in the world.

Motherhood truly is fascinating.  I'll never master it.

{#hardest #job #ever}

the MODEST girl

I recently read a post on Facebook written by someone I don't know that went along these lines:

 "Parents, please make sure your daughter dresses modestly so my son doesn't get addicted to pornography."

{Ok, so that is a slight exaggeration}

But, it may as well been that blatant of a statement, which, by the way, infuriated me.

Regardless, I decided that, as a mother of two girls, I better get on this request of making sure my daughters are dressed a certain way.  So, I added it to my current To-Do list:

Monday: Take pictures of my daughters' wardrobe.  Send pictures to parents of boys for approval
{Note to self:  Research the most affordable place to buy pantsuits}

Tuesday:  Have a sit-down with my daughters.  Reiterate the importance of understanding the changes the male body experiences during puberty.  Make sure they understand how sensitive we should be towards our male friends.  

{Note to self: buy more tampons and Midol}

Wednesday:  Send an e-mail to Macy's, Nordstrom, etc., asking them when their new line of prom dresses with high-necks and sleeves will be in stock.  Find a full day to go dress shopping. 

{Note to self:  hire a good seamstress}

Thursday:   Take that first leap of faith by letting my daughter walk to a friends house by herself.  But first, review the family "code" word.  Buy some more pepper spray.
{Note to self:  Research self-defense classes}

Friday:   Encourage daughters to get good grades, and tell them I hope they plan to attend college.  Help them understand that exercising their minds is just as important as exercising their bodies.
{Note to self:  Research how to teach your daughter that looks are not the most important thing while simultaneously teaching her that she needs to look a certain way.}

...

Don't get me wrong.  I understand the basic principle behind the original post.  I have standards for my daughters and do not think they should be allowed to wear whatever they want.  And I'll do my best to make sure that when they leave my house they are dressed in a manner that I deem appropriate.

But, the bottom line is this:

It is not my responsibility, nor my daughters' responsibility, to make sure your son does not engage in anything improper or immoral, be it actions or thoughts.

That's your responsibility.  

But, mostly, it's his responsibility.

So, if you could take the state of your son's morality off my plate of things to do, I'd really appreciate it.

{#ohsnap!}

$20 for your THOUGHTS...

I am in desperate need of some advice!

My 4-month old daughter is a spit-up machine.  There is no end to her spitting up, and, as a result, she is constantly hungry.  I go through one package of formula in less than a week, which is costing me tons and tons of money!  The formula should be lasting longer than this, and I may as well flush $5 down the toilet every time another river of spit-up lands on my shoulder.

I need some practical, wholesome advice on what to do.  I've tried everything my pediatrician recommended plus a few tips I read on various websites, but nothing has worked.  Here's an example:

Trial and error with formula.  She is currently on a generic form of Enfamil AR.

Hold her in a more upright position during feedings.

Keep her in an upright position for 30-45 minutes after feedings.

Burp in between ounces.  i.e., drink one ounce, burp, drink a second ounce, burp, etc.

Feed her less at one time, but more frequently.

None of these suggestions have yielded any changes.  She continues to spit-up and spit-up and spit-up.  At this point, I'm in denial about the possibility that I may just have to wait for her to grow out of it.  I'm determined that there is a solution, and I'm almost certain someone out there has been in this same situation and can help me.

And the person that provides me the most effective advice will get a $20 Amazon giftcard.

Please comment and leave me any advice you may have.  

P.S. To all you die hard, anti-formula moms out there:  The reason behind why I do not breastfeed is none of your business.  But, I promise with all of my heart that I have a very legitimate reason for bottle-feeding my child.  Trust me when I say I would love nothing more than to feed my little one FREE breast milk, but such is not the case for me.  As much as I know how much you'd love to lecture me on how I'm ruining my child's life by not breastfeeding, it really is unnecessary. 

new NORMALS

My youngest daughter, we call her LL, will be four months old tomorrow.  Time usually flies, but it seems to be flying particularly fast when it comes to baby LL.

The past four months have been all about creating a schedule and finding a routine that works for our now family of four.  I knew if I was ever going to have a normal, non-crazy life again, there would need to be some major structure within the walls of my home.

And, thankfully, we have settled on a good schedule and things seem to be heading in the right direction, with all the usual bumps and scratches along the way, of course.

As I watched Isabelle ride her bike in front of our house while holding LL in my arms, I realized my time with the two of them at home all day is quickly coming to an end.  Isabelle will be attending pre-school three days a week starting in August, and it won't be too much longer after that that she'll be in kindergarten.  And then first grade.  And then junior high.  And then high school.

source

I knew if I ever had more than one child, I wanted them a little further apart in age.  That's how it was for me growing up and I liked it.  With the exception of a few years in elementary school, I never went to school with any of my siblings and felt like I had more opportunities to do things on my own because of it.  And, in the end, I think it helped me in many ways.

I'm very proud of the progress we've made as a family and how far we've come with getting used to our new normal.  

This is particularly true with Isabelle.  She struggled at first with being a big sister, but now loves it.  The two of them genuinely love to see each other.  No one can capture LL's attention quite like Isabelle can, and it melts my heart to see them have fun together.

While I think there will be many advantages to having one child in school with another one just at home, I will miss our days of all being home together.

I suppose I should get used to the idea of constant "new normals" because life is doing anything but staying the same these days.

LOADS of LAUNDRY

I literally don't know the last time I bought laundry detergent.  

And I do laundry multiple times a week. 

Every time I go to use it, I keep thinking I'm reaching the end.  But, always to my surprise, the measuring cup fills without any reservation.

source

There's no logical explanation as to why I haven't had to buy laundry detergent in the last little while. 

But, there is a spiritual one.

I contribute 10% of all of my earnings to my church.  It is something I have been asked to do, and I do so willing.  As a result, I have been blessed immensely.  Not blessed in that I wear only the most stylish clothes or go on frequent, lavish vacations, but blessed in smaller, simpler ways.

And there is no doubt it is a blessing from paying my tithing.

I am currently dealing with a baby that adores spitting up.  I swear she is trying to make it into an olympic event.  Between the two of us, we go through at least 5 wardrobe changes a day.  I used to do laundry once a week.  Those days are long gone.

I'm thankful for the little things in life, like a seemingly limitless supply of laundry detergent, that help remind me that God is real.  He loves me.  And He blesses me even in the most mundane ways.

the PRINCESS DILEMMA

If you didn't hear about the big commotion regarding Pixar's Brave character Merida I guess I'm not that surprised.  In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't too big of deal.  But, in order for this post to make any sense to you, you need to know a few of the details.

A few weeks ago, Merida was inducted into the ever inclusive Disney Princess Club.  As part of her induction, Disney gave her a little bit of a make-over.

Source

Obviously, the princess club Merida was much more sexy, slimmer and without her most prized possession - the bow and arrow. 

Thousands were outraged by the change, claiming that Merida was the first Disney princess that was different.  The first Disney princess that wasn't about beauty and whose only hope in life wasn't to meet her handsome prince.  The first Disney princess that was actually worth admiring.

A petition was started.  Thousands of signatures were collected.  The petition demanded Disney restore Merida to her original settings.  And, after a few days, that's exactly what happened.  The official Disney princess website was changed and Merida was once again portrayed just as she did in her feature film.

So, here's my dilemma.

I am raising a little girl that loves princesses.  She adores them all:  Rapunzel, Cinderella, Tiana, Ariel, Belle, Mulan, Sleeping Beauty, Merida, etc.  She owns many of the princess dresses and would wear them 24/7 if I let her.

As I watch my little girl prance around our house in her dresses and then think about the outrage over Merida's makeover, I find myself conflicted.  I wonder, "Am I setting my daughter up for complete and utter doom by letting her love and adore princesses?  Is she going to grow up feeling like the only thing that matters in life is how you look?"

And then I think about the stories behind some of these princesses:

Belle is an outcast in the village where she lives.  She prefers to read and seeks adventure.  She refuses a marriage proposal from the most dashing, handsome man in town.  She supports and defends her father even when everyone else makes fun of him, and, she ultimately sacrifices her freedom to save his life.  She eventually falls in love with the Beast because, despite his appearance, she has learned that he is kind and gentle and caring.

Cinderella is treated horribly by her family.  She is a slave in her own home.  Despite the cruelty she endures, she always has a positive attitude.  In the end, her dream of a better life comes true, illustrating that, despite the difficulties we may have now, things can turn out for the better.

Ariel dreams of a different life.  She has a curious nature and wants to learn everything she can about life above the sea.  She is rebellious, knows what she wants in life and makes sure she gets it.

Mulan lives in a country where tradition means everything, and where women are viewed as worthless.  Because she is not male, the only way she can bring honor to her family is by getting married.  Even though she wants to honor her father and mother, she knows she has more to offer than just being "a little wife."  Despite the risk of being killed, she disguises herself as a man and takes her father's place in the Chinese army.  After a lot of hard work and determination, she eventually becomes a great soldier and brings honor to her family all while remaining single.

Are all the princesses mentioned above beautiful?

Yes.

  Does that make their stories any less meaningful?

No.

I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking the most important thing in life is to be beautiful, but I also don't want them thinking being beautiful is bad.

I want my daughters to know that, regardless of physical appearance, everyone has strengths, weaknesses, dreams and fears.  No one is exempt from times of happiness or difficulties.  And, even though no two people are exactly alike, it is safe to assume everyone has similar, basic needs and desires.  And because of all of this, it is important to treat everyone with kindness and dignity.

When my oldest daughter finds herself feeling insecure about her appearance, will I think back on this time and say, "I never should've let her wear that Rapunzel dress everyday!"  My guess is, no.  Everyone feels "less than" at some point in their life.  It's just apart of life.

And it's not that it happens that matters.  It's how you handle it that is the most important.

Does this mean I am indifferent about Merida's makeover?  Of course not.  It was ridiculous for Disney to change her appearance.  (However, I should mention that all of the princesses on the website have been altered in some way, begging the question as to why no one has gotten all up in arms about that.  But, that's besides the point.)  All I'm trying to say is that loving princesses isn't all that bad, and that we should focus more of our concerns on why people like the cast of The Jersey Shore and the Kardashians are so popular.

In the end, I'm glad that people took a stand for something they felt strongly about and won!  It just goes to show that your voice can be heard, even when you're going up against huge corporations. I'm glad to have a daughter that loves to wear dresses, play make believe and who whole-heartedly embraces her femininity and thinks pants are for boys.

And, I'm glad that, thanks to Merida, she can't wait to get her own bow and arrow.

to each HER OWN

When my oldest daughter was born, I pretty much learned that I had no idea how to raise a child.  I read a lot, asked a lot of questions and relied heavily on my intuition.  When it came to getting her on a good sleeping schedule my days were filled with a lot of trial and error.

Pretty soon, I found something that worked.  She was sleeping through the night at 4 weeks!  And, she was napping very regularly at least twice a day, for at least 3 hours each time.  I found myself with an unusually large amount of free time given the fact that I had a new baby.

When my latest bundle of joy arrived, I was committed to trying out my same sleeping strategies with her.  And, it worked!  She slept through the night at less than 2 weeks old.  I informed her pediatrician about her amazing sleep habits and she told me so long as she was peeing and pooing regularly, I didn't have to worry about waking her up during the night.

Over the next few weeks, things were pretty smooth sailing at night.  She was going to bed at a good time, only waking up once for a feeding and easily fell back asleep until the morning.

Nap time was a completely different story.  I couldn't get her on a schedule and I found myself wondering if she was going to be a no-nap little girl.  And that just seemed so wrong to me.  Kids needs naps!  I was determined to get her on a good schedule by doing the exact same thing I did with her big sister.  It worked then.  It should work now.

Then things got worse.  She completely fought going to bed.  She was waking up shortly after being put down.  She woke up multiple times during the night.  And, all of this was going on while she continued to not nap during the day.

I decided to face reality.  My methods were not working with this little one.  I thought about all the things I had tried with my first daughter that didn't work.  I wondered if they would work now.  It just seemed so weird that what SOO did not work with one child would easily work with another.

Then, on Mother's Day, I got sick.  I'm pretty sure it was vertigo.  It kicked in later in the day.  By the time it was ready to get the girls down for bed, I was completely useless.  I could barely walk because everything was spinning.  I told my husband all I could do was go to bed, leaving him in charge of getting the kids to bed.  While in bed, I could hear him struggling with both girls.  Both seemed to be fussy and uncooperative.  Eventually, he got the oldest one in bed.  That just left the baby.  She wasn't responding to the usual routine, so I told him to just put her in her bed and let her cry.  Nothing else was working, and I felt comfortable that she was old enough for the cry-it-out method.

So, he put her down and she began to cry.  And cry.  And cry.  And cry.  I told myself I wouldn't let it go on for longer than 30 minutes.  Despite her crying, I could tell she was fine and just crying out of sheer exhaustion.  Dustin first put her in bed at 9:59.  The crying stopped at 10:32.  And she slept through the night.

Because that had gone so well, I decided to try it for nap time.  Isabelle, my oldest, refused to nap in her crib, so she napped in her swing and LOVED it.  This time around, the swing was less than thrilling. 

To my surprise, nap time went splendidly well.  She cried minimally and slept for hours.

That night, she cried for only 20 minutes.  The next night, 15 minutes.  And last night, she didn't make a peep!  And, nap time, has continued to be a success.   She has never napped this consistently her entire life!

I've learned a very important less this week:  my daughters are not the same.  Even at their young ages, they already have their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes and their own preference in sleeping patterns.  What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the other.

And in order to make my life a little more sane, I need to embrace their differences and not be so rigid in how I go about doing things.

I know we'll have our not-so-fun nights again.  I know all phases, whether good or bad, don't always last, but at least now I am more aware of my daughters' differences.

And being aware is a very good thing.

WRAPPING it UP

Today is the last day of the A to Z Challenge.  I got through most of the posts, so I'm happy about what I accomplished.  Even though I didn't get around to writing about it, I do actually have bucket list goals for the letters V, W and Y.  So, here there are.

{v}:  VEGETARIAN

I'm not a big meat eater.  In fact, most of what meat I do eat is chicken.  If I do eat red meat, it's usually in meals like spaghetti or tacos.

Back during my college days, I did cut out red meat completely and liked it.  My husband also was a vegetarian for awhile, but had to change his ways during his time as an LDS missionary.  Both of us have expressed interest in going completely meat free, but haven't quite committed to it yet.  We have, however, lowered our meat intake and usually try to have at least one vegetarian meal for dinner each week.

Because of all this, I'd really like to live a vegetarian lifestyle for at least one year.  I'm curious to know if I'd love it or hate it.  I'm not sure when I'll do this because I do know if I want my children to live a meat-free life as well.  It wouldn't be hard to accommodate both lifestyles, but it would be ideal if we were all on the same page.

Are any of you vegetarians?  What are your motives?

...

{w}:  a healthy WEIGHT

My weight has fluctuated a lot over the last few years.  All in all, I am over weight and am usually uncomfortable in my own skin.

One day, I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw.  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks that I didn't have to look this way.  While that may sound completely absurd, I realized that day how my weight is both a physical and mental health problem.  I had no idea I believed I couldn't change.

A goal I have in life is not to be super skinny, but to be at a healthy weight based on my height and maintain it throughout my life.  I've always struggled with being active.  I'm not one of those people that adores sports and playing them all day long.  So, maintaining a healthy weight for me will include adding activities to my every day routine.  While I'd love a gym membership, it's just not in the cards for me right now.  Instead, I need to be different ways to stay active.  I'd like to start running and I've heard there are so many benefits to jump roping, so I think I'll begin there.

I think this is an important goal not only for me, but also for my family.  I want to be an example of health to my girls, but not in an unhealthy way.  I don't want them hearing me complain about my weight.  I don't want them seeing me try every diet in the book only to fail.  

I realize I shoulder great responsibility with my girls in terms of body image.  I can't prevent them from seeing the misguided pictures of what society deems beautiful.  I probably can't prevent them from, at one point in time, feeling like they are overweight or not pretty.  

I can, however, be an example to them of leading a healthy lifestyle.  If I want them to eat fruits and veggies, I have to eat fruits and veggies.  If I want them to exercise, I have to exercise.  If I want them to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, I have to get outside and enjoy the sunshine.

I feel blessed that I have a desire to change my habits.  Only good things can come from it.

...

{y}:  YOUR song

I think one of the most romantic songs ever is Elton John's Your Song.  It's a simple song with beautiful lyrics.  I could listen to it multiple times a day and never get sick of it.  In my mind, it's timeless.

I would LOVE to see Elton John in concert and hear him sing this song live.  

That would be totally awesome.

...

And that is wrapping up my A to Z Challenge for this year.  Thanks to everyone who commented!

{l}: LETTERS to my girls

For whatever reason, coming up with something for L was rather difficult.  I browsed the Internet for ideas, and landed on one that is just plain awesome.

I am going to write letters to my daughters and give them to them the day they graduation from high school. 

At the end of the year {perhaps this can be something I do every New Year's Eve}, I'll write a letter to each girl.  Maybe the letter will include funny things they said, the TV shows they watched most often, the music they liked, the celebrity crushes they had.  But, most importantly, it'll include something they taught me and how they helped me become a better person.

Assuming I don't have any more children, this goal will be complete in 2031.

Wish me luck!