create your own {TIME}

I had the thought that my kids should see me doing things besides just cooking and cleaning.  You know, allowing them the opportunity to see that I have a personality and interests that extend beyond being "the little wife."  And since I had previously decided to read more, particularly the classics, I thought I'd enlighten my children by reading in front of them.  We went to the library one day and I checked out a copy of The Grapes of Wrath.

So, that was a month ago and I'm on page 95.

Apparently, casually reading a book while my kids entertain themselves is much more difficult than I anticipated.  No wonder I never read!  And, the guilt of doing something for me doesn't stop at the needs of my children.  It also includes the needs of my house.  Why would I ever read when there is laundry that needs to be folded and put away, dishes that need to be unloaded and loaded into the dishwasher, etc.  The list of things that I could be doing usually always trumps leisurely reading, even if no one is in need of my immediate attention.

The fact is, I don't feel productive if I'm reading.  And if I don't feel productive, I start to think less of myself.  And so I came up with this idea of how to indulge myself ever so slightly all while feeling productive.  I started including things that I wanted to do on my daily To Do list.  Among all the things I need to get done each day are things I want to do.

And guess what?  It works!

Turns out, the euphoria of crossing something off my list allows me to relax long enough to enjoy one chapter of The Grapes of Wrath {I had to extend my due date, by the way} each day.  And, when I'm done, I cross it off my list and can go about the rest of my feeling like I did something good for myself without feeling like I wasted my time.

I suppose the bottom line is this:  if I'm going to do anything for me, I have to plan for it.  That's sort of how adulthood is.  And even though that may sound frustrating, it's really not.  Being an adult blows sometimes, but there are a lot of perks to it as well.  Like, asking for a lemon with your water.  What teenager could get away with that without being ridiculed by her friends?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cross off "Write blog post" from my To Do list.

my TWO THOUGHTS

Last Saturday, the dread of the upcoming day was sinking in.  Sunday.  The hardest day of the week was fast approaching, and I had a very important decision to make.  I could deal with it, or I could run away from it.

I've blogged a lot about how difficult it has been for me to take my children to church.  It doesn't seem to matter how much I prepare, I always manage to forget something that apparently my children can't live without and can't possibly be well-behaved unless it is in their possession.

Sunday morning came and I was wrestling with myself as I tried to come up with a legitimate excuse as to why we could stay home from church.  Dustin for sure had to go because of his church responsibilities, but certainly there was a reason I could stay home.

As a pondered what to do, two thoughts kept entering my mind.  The first was, "just deal with it."  The second was, "trust me."

I made the decision to go to church and "just deal" with whatever happened.  I also, in some strange way, knew this week would prove to be different.

I arrived to church, armed with every snack and coloring instrument known to man.  I found a bench close to the organ so the girls could watch Dustin play during sacrament meeting.  As the meeting began, I watched as my children sat quietly and contently.  They colored and requested snacks, and I managed to keep them contained for a good 30 minutes.  A big change from the last few months!

Eventually, though, we did make our way to the hallway, but the day was already shaping up to be better than the many weeks prior.  While in the hallway, my girls wanted to run around and be free, but I remained firm with them and they stayed by my side almost the entire time.

After sacrament meeting, Isabelle complained about going to primary.  I snapped my fingers and told her to go. And she went.  I'm sure I seemed like a a mean mom to the people around me, but I didn't care.  I was going to get through the entire three hours of church if it killed me!

My next stop was taking LL to nursery.  Up until this point, she had refused to go and screamed and cried until I eventually gave up and took her home.  This week, I did a few things that I hoped would help her overcome her fear.  First, as I was getting her ready in the morning, I added a few drops of lavender to her lotion and rubbed it all over her body.  I also added the same oil to her favorite blanket.  At this point, I was willing to do ANYTHING to see some progress.

When we arrived at the nursery room, she got upset and began to cry.  But then she noticed some toys, so I put her down and she began to play.  I quietly stepped out of the room.  I found a chair to sit in and listened.  Sure enough, she began to cry.  I knew the nursery leaders would bring her to me if it got too bad, so I remained in my chair and listened.  After ten minutes, the crying stopped.  And it never started back up again.

Eventually, I went to Relief Society for the first time in awhile.  It was lovely to be at church, sitting by my friend and knowing every member of my family was where he/she needed to be.

As I left church, I reflected upon the thoughts I had had earlier that day:  "just deal with it" and "trust me."  I really believe those were inspired messages.  On the one hand, I believe it was time for me to "just deal" with the weekly struggles of church with kids.  There are worse things in life that I could be dealing with, and since I know going to church is the right thing to do, I may as well go and make the best of it.

After spending the week thinking about my second thought, "trust me," I came to the realization that I don't think I actually had true faith that Heavenly Father would answer my prayers.  Each week I would plead with Him to help me understand how to help my children behave in church, and each
week I felt as if He never heard my prayer.

But, obviously, I know He did.  He just didn't answer it the way I wanted Him too.  Or, maybe I wasn't giving Him enough time to answer.  Regardless, I was given a firm reminder that simply knowing my prayers CAN be answered does not equal having faith that they WILL be answered.

Of course, this isn't the first time I've been humbled by God when it comes to this situation.  {If I haven't told that story, I will soon!}

But, hopefully, I've learned my lesson.  And the lesson I took away from this special Sunday was this:
No day will ever go exactly the way I want.

There really is a difference between belief and faith.

 And, if it's hard doing the right thing, you do it anyway and you just deal with it.

when I was in A RUT...

Every once in awhile, I find myself in a rut.  Nothing in my life is necessarily wrong, but something feels like it's missing.  I experienced such rut a few months ago.  Isabelle had just started school, and our family had began a new schedule that was very much the same each and every day.  

Don't get me wrong - I love schedules and routines!  But there were days that I would think that there was more to me than just waking up, getting ready, dropping kids off at school, picking kids up from school, cleaning, running errands, cooking, going to work, etc.  I felt as though I needed to invest more in myself by way of developing new talents or learning about new things.

I decided to spend some more time in an area that had piqued my interest for years:  essential oils.  I was specifically interested in them in terms of cleaning.  I had always been curious about making my own cleaning products and knew essential oils were often used in homemade recipes.  I reached out to a friend of mine who had a lot of experience with the oils, and she helped me find a starter kit that complimented my needs.  

Not long after, I found myself using the oils every single day.  I used them to clean my kitchen and bathrooms.  I used them to help my family, specifically my kids, calm down in the evening and to get better sleep.  I used them to keep the spiders away in my basement.  I used them to wipe down all the door knobs and other frequently touched surfaces in my house to help eliminate germs.  I used them to help clear up my skin when I broke out into hives.  I used them as a "pick me up" when I felt a bit groggy in the morning and mid-afternoon.  And I used them to help my house smell like a million bucks!

Now, only three months later, I have found myself with a new appreciation and love for these oils.  Not only have they given me a plethora of options in how I care for myself and family, they helped me get out of my rut.  It has been so nice to learn about something new and find new ways to spend my time!

As I've shared them with my family and friends, I've forced myself out of my comfort zone and have seen new ways in which I am capable.  And, as a VERY surprising twist, they have helped me earn some extra cash.  An outcome I was not planning or expecting at all.  But, I'm certainly not complaining!

Do you use essential oils?  If so, how?  I'd love to learn new ways to use them!

Do you have an interest in essential oils?  If so, let's talk!  They really have changed my life.

CUSTOM-MADE spirituality

I've blogged a lot about the struggles I face taking my children to church.  There was the post about why we skipped church {and loved it} and the follow-up post about why I even go to church to begin with.  Even though I know I am not alone with my struggles with taking children to church, I usually feel alone each week as I find myself, yet again, dealing with an uncooperative child.

Church used to be a time where I could go to feel uplifted and renewed, ready to face a new week with a stronger conviction to do what is right.

Church isn't that way for me anymore.  And I miss it!  But, I realize this situation is only temporary and things will get better eventually; however, until that blessed time arrives, I made the decision to find ways to feel the way I used to during church outside of church.

One of the ways in which I've incorporated spirituality into my daily life is by listening to general conference talks in my car.  I have found great satisfaction, peace and comfort in doing this.  It is amazing how the spirit can be felt at almost any time and any place.

LDS Conference Center

Here are a few of the talks I've listened to:

President Gordon B. Hinckley's address titled To the Women of the Church

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's address titled Happiness, Your Heritage 

Sister Julie B. Beck's address titled Fulfilling the Purpose of Relief Society

and all the talks given at this month's General Women's Meeting

So, if you find yourself missing Sunday as being a day of rest and spiritual edification, I would invite you to think outside the box and find ways in which you can reap the benefits of feeling the spirit no matter what day it is.

This has made a world of difference for me.  I feel happier, more energized and a stronger desire to be the best person I can be.

the END of an ERA

Shortly after Isabelle was born, I decided to quit my job.  It was around that time that I realized how much of my self-identity was wrapped up in my work.  It took me awhile to get used to the idea of not having an answer to the always fun question, "What do you do?" or having to put a checkmark next to the "Homemaker" {#gag} option on mortgage applications.  Over the years, I've learned how to deal with not working full-time all while still feeling like a contributing member of society.

However, I find myself feeling somewhat the same as I enter a new phase in my life.  This is a very exciting phase, one that I never thought possible, but that doesn't take away the weird feeling of leaving a part of me behind.

Two months ago, I got my learners permit.  Yes, at the ripe old age of nearly 33 years old, I will, in a few weeks, be eligible to become a licensed driver for the first time ever.  I'll spare the details as to why I've never driven before because it's health related {#seizuressuck}, and it's not really relevant to this post.

Not being able to drive has been something that has defined me in so many ways.  Driving has always been my greatest fear.  It has restricted me beyond belief.  It has been the source of much stress.  But it has also allowed me to see the kindness and goodness in other people as I have had to rely heavily on friends and family for many, many years to get from point A to point B.

After consulting with my neurologist and having been seizure-free for 3 months, I decided it was time to conquer my fear and learn to drive.  I don't think I could have ever done it without the inspiration of my two daughters.  It was for them that I did this.  Learning to drive meant I didn't have to worry about things I constantly worried about.  Things that other people probably never thought twice about:  How will I get my kids to school?  What happens if they get sick or forget something and I need to get to their school quickly?  What if they want to go to a friends house?  How will I get them to dance or music lessons?

And the list goes on and on on.

Growing up, my mom drove me everywhere.  I have no idea how we would've functioned as a family had my mom not been able to drive.  I had nightmares {ok, not actual nightmares} of my children resenting me for not being able to take them places.  I knew my not being able to drive would have a large impact on their lives, and I didn't want that.  I didn't want to be an embarrassment to them, but I especially didn't want to inhibit them in any way.

And so I'm learning to drive.  And things are going well.  Being able to get into a car and drive a few blocks to the grocery store is one of the greatest luxuries ever.  Not having to worry about how I will get somewhere, anywhere is a feeling I can't describe.  All the planning, the organizing, the inconveniencing is gone.  

It's simply gone. 

I honestly never thought this day would come.  And I'll always be grateful to my Isabelle and LL for inspiring me to be strong and courageous.

After all, driving is easy.

{#neverthoughtidsaythat}

$20 for your THOUGHTS...

I am in desperate need of some advice!

My 4-month old daughter is a spit-up machine.  There is no end to her spitting up, and, as a result, she is constantly hungry.  I go through one package of formula in less than a week, which is costing me tons and tons of money!  The formula should be lasting longer than this, and I may as well flush $5 down the toilet every time another river of spit-up lands on my shoulder.

I need some practical, wholesome advice on what to do.  I've tried everything my pediatrician recommended plus a few tips I read on various websites, but nothing has worked.  Here's an example:

Trial and error with formula.  She is currently on a generic form of Enfamil AR.

Hold her in a more upright position during feedings.

Keep her in an upright position for 30-45 minutes after feedings.

Burp in between ounces.  i.e., drink one ounce, burp, drink a second ounce, burp, etc.

Feed her less at one time, but more frequently.

None of these suggestions have yielded any changes.  She continues to spit-up and spit-up and spit-up.  At this point, I'm in denial about the possibility that I may just have to wait for her to grow out of it.  I'm determined that there is a solution, and I'm almost certain someone out there has been in this same situation and can help me.

And the person that provides me the most effective advice will get a $20 Amazon giftcard.

Please comment and leave me any advice you may have.  

P.S. To all you die hard, anti-formula moms out there:  The reason behind why I do not breastfeed is none of your business.  But, I promise with all of my heart that I have a very legitimate reason for bottle-feeding my child.  Trust me when I say I would love nothing more than to feed my little one FREE breast milk, but such is not the case for me.  As much as I know how much you'd love to lecture me on how I'm ruining my child's life by not breastfeeding, it really is unnecessary. 

the A to Z Challenge

I am participating in the A to Z Challenge again this year!  I'm so excited because I really enjoyed the challenge last year.

This year, my posts will all have a theme:

MY BUCKET LIST

I'll be posting something everyday {excluding Sundays} during the month of April.  I hope you enjoy my posts and comment!

See you tomorrow when the challenge officially begins!

my JOURNEY to BABY #2

A little over three months ago, I started a part-time job.  At the time, Dustin and I had been trying for the better part of a year to get pregnant.  For some reason, I didn't think there was physically anything wrong with either of us.  I guess my intuition let me know it was more about timing than anything else.

I decided to work again because I felt like there was a specific reason why I wasn't getting pregnant.  The most obvious being finances.  Maybe we needed to get a bit more into our savings account before another little one could join our family?  Or, something like that.

A month after I started my job, I was asked about a promotion.  I still had a lot to learn about the job responsibilities, and if I accepted the promotion I wouldn't have been promoted right away but rather trained for a few months until I was really ready.

I talked to my husband about it.  This new job would mean working full-time and putting Isabelle into daycare.  I have nothing against daycare until the majority of my paycheck goes to pay for it, making my job somewhat pointless.

At the end of the day, I just couldn't feel right about.  But I didn't necessarily feel like it was the wrong thing to do either.  I chalked up my feelings to perhaps being nervous about being promoted or feeling like things were moving too fast.

I told my managers that I was interested in the promotion, hoping if I moved forward with things I'd get a clear answer of, "Yes, this is the right thing."  Or, "No, don't accept the job offer."  But, again, I continued to feel hopelessly confused.  There didn't seem to be a clear, cut and dry solution to my dilemma.

Then, one day, I had this thought:

Try one more month to get pregnant.  If it doesn't work, you'll know you should take the job.

It was a very clear and distinct thought, one that I believe to be an answer to my prayers.  I told Dustin about the impression I had been given, and he agreed to try for one more month.  I warned him that I felt very strongly about this and to prepare for me to finally get pregnant.  But, honestly, in the back of my mind I didn't think it would happen.

In early June, a few days before my period was expected to begin, I thought I saw a little pink on my toilet paper.  My heart sank.  I wasn't pregnant.  It was nighttime, so as I climbed into bed I began to sob.  It was the first time I had ever become emotional during the entire time we were trying.  Dustin held me in his arms as I cried, feeling more confused than ever.

But then something weird happened.  My period didn't really start.  To make things more complicated, I needed to make some changes to my seizure medication, and didn't want to if I was pregnant.  So, against my better judgement, I took a pregnancy test.  It was still a day or two before my period was actually suppose to start.  The test looked weird, but it was negative.  It certainly didn't look positive.

I spent the next week on edge, waiting for the dang thing to start.  After all, the test had been negative and I had started to sort of spot days earlier.

Finally, 9 days after my missed period, which just so happened to be on Father's Day, I took another test.  I felt stupid doing so, but I just had to know for certain one way or the other.

And, holy cow, the test was positive!

Now, a little over a month later, I continue to be in awe about our little adventure.  I'm not completely sure why things happened the way they did.  Maybe I'll know when the baby is here.  Maybe I'll never know.  In the end, it doesn't really matter.

...

I'm 11 weeks today.  This pregnancy is kicking my butt.  I feel sick all the time.  The summer heat makes everything worse.  We spend most of our time inside because I have no energy to go out and do anything.  Food is my worst enemy.  Work is no longer fun.  I long to always be at home resting.  I miss my beloved Dr. Pepper.

But, it's totally worth it.

the SO-CALLED MOTHERHOOD bond

I think when a woman becomes a mother, she automatically becomes a member of a club.  A motherhood club, so to speak.  As technology has expanded and become more sophisticated, it's easier now more than ever to connect with other mothers and to share experiences with one another.

Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc., are all avenues in which mothers can interact with one another, lift each other up, give advice, extend sympathy and overall be there for one another.

But it seems as though our bond with other mothers seems to disappear as soon as we walk outside our homes.  When we face life in the flesh, and not behind our computer screens, it's everyone for herself.

Minutes after my daughter was born, my doctor commented on her screaming.  He said he had never heard a newborn make such noise.  I had no idea how my daughter's lungs would be such a source of stress, anger, humiliation and bitterness for me as time passed.

I've seen mother's glare at me.  I've seen them stare at me.  I've watched them put their hands over their ears.  I've seen them shake their heads.  I've heard them make comments under their breath.

All the while, I am thinking to myself, "Haven't you been in my shoes?  Don't you know exactly what I am going through as I struggle to keep my child well-behaved in public?  Your reaction to me is one that implies I enjoy dealing with a loud child in public."

I just don't get it.  Where's the love?  Is it something that only exists when commenting on a blog post?

I have a part-time job at a retail store.  I see mother's shop with their children on a daily basis.  I hear them plead with their children to sit still.  I see them struggle as they try to get their shopping done.  I hear them apologize to me or fellow shoppers for how much noise they are making.  It is abundantly clear that these mothers are mortified and want nothing more to get what they came to buy and leave.

So, what do I do?

I approach the mother's and ask them if they need help.  More often than not, if children see me they either calm down and get shy or they want to talk to me.  Either way, it's easier on the mother and allows her to get done what she needs to.

Many times, I let the mother know I completely understand how she is feeling.  I tell her I have been in her shoes more times than I'd like to admit.

My goal as an employee and as a mother is to let these women know that I get it.  I completely, 100% get it.  And that I am not there to judge them.  I'm there to help them.  I'm there to let them know that they are not alone.

So, the next time  you find yourself in a store and  you hear a child throwing a tantrum, maybe just offer the struggling mother a smile.  

After all, you know exactly how she feels, right?

something I AM....LITERALLY

Did you know the definition of the word literally was changed because so many people were using it incorrectly?  For example, people often say, "It was literally driving me up the wall."  Instead of, "It was figuratively driving me up the wall."  Sure, it makes for a stronger statement when you use the word literally, but that doesn't change the fact that the word is being used incorrectly.

If you pay attention, you can pick up on how often the word figuratively gets the shaft.

Anyway, I thought I would write about something that I literally am.  And that is a stay-at-home-mom.  I suffer from what I believe to be a mild case of epilepsy.  At the time I was diagnosed, I was only 12 years old and was told I would eventually out grow having daily seizures.  Well, here I am, a thirty-something wife and mother and my condition is still the same, if not a little worse.  

While my seizures are, for the most part, controlled with medication, I have been known to have a few unexpectedly.  And when I say "have a few" I'm referring to petit mal seizures which are very short, barely visible {unless you know me well}, but still dangerous nevertheless. I black out and it usually takes me a minute or two to remember what I had just been doing before it happened.  And I have no warning signs.  I don't know I've had one until it's come and gone.

As a result, I have never had a driver's license.  I've never even taken driver's ed.  I'm probably more clueless about driving than anyone else I know.  It's pretty sad, and maybe a little pathetic, but driving just isn't apart of my life.  And, for the most part, I'm okay with it.  Is it inconvenient?  Completely.  Is it better to be safe than sorry?  No doubt about it.

Because I am unable to drive, my days are usually spent at home.  If I absolutely have to be some place, I arrange for a ride.  But, in terms of hopping in the car because my daughter and I need to get out of the house, that's just not an option.  Unless we have pre-arranged plans, we're at home, or we're out walking, weather permitting of course.

When my husband gets home from work, we'll often go out, if only for a drive, so I can get out of the house at least once during the day.  In the meantime, I throw myself into my home and try to make it a good place to be because it is where I spend most of my time.

However, there's something about not being home that has always made me feel productive.  Whether I was at school or at work, I always seemed to be doing the most, being the most outside of my house.  I attribute this, perhaps misguided view, to why I have constantly struggled with being a stay-at-home-mom.  It's because I am literally a stay-at-home-mom.  I'm not a mom outside of my house {be it running errands, taking my kids to a fun museum, or going to play dates} very often.

Are there pros to my situation?  Definitely.  My daughter loves to be at home.  When we are out, she is constantly asking to go home.  I want our home to be her haven, and I truly think it is.  She is happiest when she is home.

I am very fortunate to be married to a man that is so sensitive to my condition and is not only supportive of when I need to get out of the house, but suggests me getting out and having some alone time or being with my friends.

Of course, being the weird person that I am, the type of "getting out" that I like to do is to work. Silly, maybe, but I enjoy earning a paycheck.  Which is why I'm happy to report that I did get that job I was previously mentioned.  My first day {orientation} is in a few days.  I am nervous, but excited all at the same time.

I'm excited about this new adventure.  I know it's the best thing for my family at this time, otherwise I don't think I would've gotten the job in the first place.

Am I being selfish by working?  I don't believe so.  Like I said before, this job opportunity really came out of nowhere for me, and I don't think that is a coincidence.  I have very specific plans for my paychecks, all of which will go to benefit my family.  So, I whole-heartedly think I'm doing the right thing.

Plus, it'll be nice to have a few non-literally stay-at-home-mom days.

Wish me luck!

WISDOM in POTTY TRAINING

After a failed attempt to do so last summer, three weeks ago I began to potty train my 3 year old daughter.  The first week felt like a total loss.  The second week I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  And this week has been literally accident-free!

During the last few weeks, I have done a lot of reading about the best way to go about training my daughter.  And to be honest, I took a little bit of advice from various sources, but ultimately I had to rely heavily on my intuition as a mother and the fact that I know my daughter better than any "expert" before I really started to see results.

This has been a huge learning experience for me.  I feel like I can accomplish anything right about now, and I still have a ways to go before I feel like my daughter is completely trained.  So, I decided to share the wisdom I have gained, and hopefully it will be of some help to any parent that may be reading this.

ATTITUDE

I believe potty training is only as successful as your attitude.  I dare say the majority of your success is based almost entirely upon your ability to remain calm and cheerful and patient.  In order to do this, you must be prepared for this process to suck.  Even if it isn't as bad as you think, it is better to be pleasantly surprised than hopelessly discouraged.  The sooner I made up my mind to just embrace the horribleness of it all, the easier it was for me to accept accidents and the sweeter the pee looked in the potty.

COMMUNICATE

Your ultimate goal is to teach your child how to recognize the feeling of needing to use the potty and then going to the potty to do so.  

After a week full of accidents, I realized my daughter wasn't connecting the dots, and it dawned on me that I never communicated to her what she was suppose to do.  I thought I was by rushing her to the potty every time she started to pee, but the verbal communication was not there. 

I started to ask my daughter, "Where do you go when you need to pee/poo?"  At first I had to tell her the answer, but eventually she easily answered, "The potty!"  All day long, every few minutes or so, I asked her this question so she cognitively understood what this entire process was all about.

I believe most problems in life arise from a lack of verbal communication, and potty training is no exception.

DITCH THE UNDIES

During the first week of training, my daughter pranced around our house in a T-shirt and underwear.  I had read virtually everywhere that this was good training attire.  At the beginning of the second week, two people told me to ditch the undies, and even though it seemed weird at first, it worked.  I immediately saw success, and I attribute it to my daughter having one less thing to do before she went potty.  Instead of quickly pulling down the undies and quickly sitting on the potty, all she had to do was sit.  Ditching the undies simplified the process.

It was at this point in time that I decided to

DO THINGS IN STAGES

Stage One:  No undies and potty always in the same room

Stage Two:  Undies on and potty always in the same room

Stage Three:  Undies on and potty in the bathroom

Stage Four:  Undies on, pants on, potty in the bathroom

This may seem excessive to some people, but for my daughter taking things slow and giving her time to master everything one by one has really helped her be successful on a regular basis.  And, I'd rather take things slow and be successful than push my agenda on her and have accidents every day.

BEING IN PUBLIC

Of course, mastering the art of peeing in the potty at home is one thing.  Not having an accident in public is another.  Everything I read said to not do anything for a few days, and to be hermits until your child is trained.  Well, because my daughter wasn't completely trained in a few days, I had to interrupt the process every once in awhile.  And when we were out in public I put my daughter in a diaper, but the minute we got home she was back to her undies {or no undies depending on the stage}.  So long as I was consistent when it came to being at home versus not being at home, I felt okay about the interruptions.

Now that we're on stage four, I'm attempting to take her out in public with her undies on.  We'll take short drives or go to a restaurant and order our food to go.  All the while, I am asking her if she needs to go potty, and because our trips thus far have been short, if she expresses the need to go I always tell her we're almost home.

Another hurdle with being in public is public restrooms.  My daughter is currently using her own potty, so one of the things I am going to introduce to her soon is the big potty.  Because she does such a great job of letting me know when she needs to pee, once she is willing and able to go on the big potty being in public won't feel so daunting to me.

Any advice about being in public?

BEDTIME

I let my daughter wear just her PJs or PJs and undies to bed for a week, and she consistently woke up wet.  So, after a lot of thought, my husband and I decided to have her wear Pull-Ups at night until she starts waking up dry.  I don't refer to them as Pull-Ups. I call them her underwear just like I do her real underwear.  I honestly don't think she realizes the difference because one morning she told me she needed to use the potty shortly after she woke up and was still wearing her Pull-Up. If she thought it was diaper, she would've just gone in the Pull-Up.  I know Pull-Ups have a bad reputation for deterring the entire process, but for my daughter it works.

REFUSING TO GO

Because we had been down this road before, my daughter fought potty training with all her might.  She didn't have an accident or go to the potty AT ALL until 2:00p one afternoon.  She held it in FOR HOURS just so she wouldn't have deal with the change.  One stubborn cookie I created let me tell you!

What did I do?  I began taking things away and turning things off.  No TV on.  No toys out.  And, the thing she hated most:  no yellow blankie.  I learned that as soon as there wasn't anything to distract her from going potty, the sooner she would go.  The idea to turn things off and take things away was inspiration from above because it worked like a charm.  Within minutes, she was going potty and I immediately gave her back her things because I wanted her to associate losing privileges with not going potty.

REWARDS

What did I reward my daughter with?  Hershey Kisses.  She loves them, but rarely eats them.  In fact, before our potty training began I think she had only had one her entire life.  In other words, getting a Kiss every time she peed in the potty was a big deal.

I learned that I needed to make the reward as enticing as possible because I have a smart kid, and she knew a crappy bribe when she saw one.  No pun intended.

MAKE IT A BIG DEAL

Each and every time my daughter had a success, it was a BIG DEAL.  We clapped, we hugged, we looked at the pee in awe.  And, most importantly, we called Dad at work to let him know about the good news.  No matter what kind of mood my daughter was in before she had a success, she was ELATED afterwards.

And, don't worry about having to fake through this being a big deal.  It IS a big deal and if you're anything like me, you'll be just as elated as your child if not more so.

BE EASY ON YOURSELF

I can't tell you how many times I felt like a complete and utter failure.  After reading story after story about parents whose kids were potty trained in 3 days and knowing my daughter would be nowhere near trained in probably a month, I often wondered what I was doing wrong.  I constantly had to remind myself that things were okay and that everything would fall into place eventually.  My husband was a great support, and always told me what a great job I was doing.  He always told me how proud he was of me.  And pretty soon I stopped beating myself up because, in the end, I was doing the best that I knew how.

Ok, there's my wisdom on potty training.  I hope it helped someone out there.  And, please do share any tips or secrets you may have because the more wisdom I have the better!

be MEAN {sometimes}

There are many things that go on in my life that make me remember my unofficial motto:

"Choose your battles wisely."

More often than not, I will let annoying things that other people say or do just go because when all is said and done, it doesn't matter.  I have been taught my entire life to be a nice person, give service when needed and to treat others the way I want to be treated.  And, in general, I truly believe more people need to be tolerant of differences and overall more friendly.

But, there are exceptions to everything, including being nice.

I read a blog written by a girl named Lisa that is dealing with infertility issues.  Lisa and her husband recently moved to a new area, and she made the decision to keep her infertility to herself when she meets new people.

One day, while reading this blog, Lisa wrote about an experience she had when she had to completely hold her tongue.  She had just met a new girl in her neighborhood that made the remark that her life {meaning Lisa's life} would be much better if she had children.

Lisa chose to just nod her head and let the remark slide.

As I read what this perfect stranger had said to Lisa, I was appalled.  I was floored that someone would make such a suggestion to anyone, let alone a person she just met.

I was also floored by the comments the post generated.  Everyone was praising her behavior and that she made the right decision by not saying anything  

First of all, saying someone's life would be better if they had children is just a dumb thing to say.  A statement like that can only be said by a person that is completely void of any knowledge of life existing outside her own.  News flash Fertile Myrtle, just because you do the deed, doesn't mean you plant a seed.

Second of all, it was a mean and inconsiderate thing to say.  And because she chose to say it to a complete stranger tells me that she's learned she can say things like that and get away with it.  And, one of the primary reasons why she gets away with it is because people let her by not saying anything to the contrary. 

Can you imagine how this girl would've felt had Lisa explained that she wants nothing more than to be a mother, but that she is unable to conceive?  Yes, she'd have to share some personal details of her life in order to put this girl in her place, but at the same time she could have taught this ignorant girl a valuable lesson in manners and open-mindedness.

I'm all for being a good, nice person, and like I said before I let a lot of things go.  But, for crying out loud, when people say something that is down right wrong or offensive or just something they shouldn't say at all, call them on it.  Standing up for yourself does not mean you're a bad, awful, mean person.  If you don't say anything, people will continue to behave the same way, and you will continue to have to put up with it.

Obviously, everyone sees battles differently.  This is a battle I would've fought.  Lisa chose not to.

What do you think?

GIFTS from MY DAUGHTER

Exactly three years ago today, I woke up at 7:00a.  As I looked around the room and noticed it was light outside it hit me:  I had slept through the night.  I frantically sat up and looked at my 4 week old daughter sleeping soundly in her bassinet just a short distance from me.

On that day, my daughter gave me the greatest Valentine's Day present of all by sleeping through the night.   And, once I  knew she was breathing and totally fine, I was able to lay back down in bed and enjoy a few more hours of bliss.

My daughter gave me two other great presents for Valentine's Day this year.  On Sunday, we went to church {I was tempted to skip, believe me} and we decided at the last minute to sit in the chapel.  As church began, my daughter sat quietly on her daddy's lap and I was able to keep her entertained with books and treats all throughout the meeting.  She was so well-behaved I almost couldn't believe it.  

Yesterday, we started week two of potty training.  My daughter is fighting the change with all her might.  I sincerely believe she knows what to do, she just doesn't want to do it.  This is totally in character for her, and I knew she would not be one of those kids trained in a few days.  

Anyway, Monday morning rolled around.  I put her in just a T-shirt and waited for her to have an accident so I could quickly run her to her potty.  I've learned that putting her on the potty every 10, 20, 30 minutes only leads to a complete meltdown, so our strategy is to catch her in the act and go from there.  After hours of being awake and no accidents I knew my daughter was getting close to not being able to hold it anymore.  As I watched her cross her legs and look completely rigid as she walked around the house, I wondered when she was going to let it go and stop fighting the change.

Then, as I was cleaning up after lunch, she said, "I wanna go potty."  I said, "Ok."  She then sat on her potty and went.  She was so excited, and I was so excited.  We hugged for a long time.  It was great progress, another milestone.  We called my husband at work to share the great news, and for a split second, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Because Valentine's Day is all about expressing love to those you care most about, I find it ironic that my daughter chooses this time of year to be at her best or to hit certain milestones.  I can't help but love this holiday more and more.

Happy Valentine's Day!

CHANGE is USUALLY always GOOD

My daughter received a very generous gift from her grandparents a few months ago:  Rapunzel pajamas.  She fell in love with them INSTANTLY, and it has been rather difficult to get her to wearing anything else ever since.

So, this week I decided I was done seeing her wearing her PJs 24/7, and have enforced a new rule that she must be dressed during the day and only wear her PJs at night.  

And, it has been a challenge.  Days one and two were successful, but today was a different story and I ended up letting her wear them because I just didn't have the patience to endure another tantrum.

As I watched my daughter prance around the house in her beloved PJs, I decided if I was going to make her give up wearing them all day long, I needed to sacrifice something too.  So, I'm going to limit my time on the computer and iPod to only when she is asleep.  This gives me nap time and bedtime to catch up my e-mails, blog and to post whatever irrelevant status I need to on Facebook.

I hope to accomplish two things.  First of all, I hope my sacrifice helps me be more patient with my daughter.  If I can relate my wanting to be "on the net" to her wanting to wear her favorite piece of clothing, I imagine I'll have more patience with her when the tantrums and the whining begin.

And second, I hope to spend more quality time with my daughter.  Too often we'll be in the same room together, but we're doing two different things.  Sometimes I'm folding laundry and she's playing, but too often I'm wasting time on the computer while she's playing.  Sure, often times I'm doing legit things like paying bills, but when all is said and done I should be playing more with my daughter.  My time with her is precious, and I should take advantage of every minute I have.

Wish me luck!

Being a MOM

The other day I heard someone say, "I love being a mom."

It got me thinking about whether or not I have uttered those 5 words in the two years I have been a mother.   And, in all honesty, I don't think I ever have.

I talked to Dustin about it.  I asked him if he had ever said, "I love being a dad."  He didn't think he had either.

I went a little further and asked him if he thought loving your child means you love being a parent.  We both concluded that the two are not one in the same.

I love my daughter with all my heart.  I am so glad she is a part of my life, and I cannot imagine it without her.  I know Dustin feels the same way.  We love her so much.  She is hilarious, smart and so adorable.  It is stunning to watch her grow physically and cognitively and emotionally.

We are three peas in a pod.  We are a family.  We fit together.

However, my love for my daughter does not equate to loving all that comes with being a mom.  I think that's sort of a given.  But I'm not just talking about the tantrums, the sleepless nights, and constantly changing diapers.

I don't like it when people walk into my house and act amazed that it's clean.  Am I suppose to have a dirty house because I am a mom?  

I don't like being categorized as a "homemaker" on applications for credit cards, mortgages or even tax return forms.  

I don't like being asked if I "get" to stay at home or if I "have to work."  I also don't like the looks I get when I say, "I have a part-time job because I like to work."  Are my interests and other goals in life suppose to disappear once I am a mom?

I don't like it when people, especially people who are not parents (like Oprah), say being a mom is the hardest job in the world.  It's almost like they want to make you feel better about being a mom and not some hot shot executive.  I also think it is sexist.  It's difficult sometimes to be a dad.

I know there are a lot of women out there that want nothing more than to be a mother.  I know there are many women who have a difficult time getting pregnant.  I imagine some of my statements make me sound like I am a horrible, ungrateful person.  I know I take the fact that I had no trouble at all getting pregnant for granted.

But, from the minute my daughter was born I went from being identified one way to being identified in a completely new way.  It's been a struggle for me from the beginning.  It continues to be a struggle.  And every once in awhile, things I hear other people say, like "I love being a mom," brings all those struggles to the surface and I just have to get them out.

Thoughts?

NATURE vs. NUTURE

Last year, in lieu of a few big resolutions, I put together a 65 in 365 days list.  It was more like a bucket list - things I wanted to do that year.  They varied from organizing the photos on my computer to putting together a puzzle to reading so many books that year.  I was really excited about my list and had hope I would accomplish most all of them.  After all, they were simple.

Then February came along, and we decided to put our house up for sale.  My priorities changed drastically and the small things I put on my list suddenly seemed so totally ridiculous. 

At the end of the year, I reviewed my list and did accomplish more than I expected, so that was good.

This year, I decided to pass on the lists because there really is one thing I really want to accomplish.  I want to change my lifestyle.  I want to be more active.

I am not the type of person that naturally loves to get up in the morning and go for a jog.  My nature is to sit down and write in my journal while listening to music.  That's just me.  And for the longest time I hated that about myself.  I always wondered why I wasn't born with this innate desire to run marathons, go hiking or play sports.

But after awhile I decided not to beat myself up over being me.  What is the point in that?  I'm happy with who I am.  I love myself.  I think I'm a decent person.  On the other hand, I don't think I'm born without the ability to change or be influenced by my environment.  If I want to, I can learn to enjoy new things.

I've narrowed my goals to two things:  spend more time outside and do yoga.

Is it cliche to do yoga?  Regardless, I've always been drawn to it.  The few times I have done it, I've really enjoyed it.  The idea of putting your body into certain positions as a source of relaxing and reflection is very appealing to me.  So, I'm going to find a good yoga DVD and give it a whirl.

I once read a blog about people who were trying to lose weight by walking outside everyday.  To make things interesting, they each carried a camera with them and took a picture of something they saw while walking.  I thought this was a great idea because it keeps the focus not on walking and losing weight but watching out for something beautiful.  So, I'm going to give this idea a whirl too.

My ultimate goal is to learn to love life in a different way, to try to extend myself, but not put too much pressure on myself.  I really believe the more I try new things the more those things will naturally become apart of me.

Thoughts?

my TV CHALLENGE

Apparently I have too much time on my hands because today I started to wonder why people I know and get along with so well don't like the same TV shows me.  This is true with my friend Karen.  She's a huge Lost fan and I couldn't care less about it.  I don't miss a single episode of 30 Rock and she can take it or leave it.

I decided to take some action by texting her and presenting this challenge:  we would each pick out a TV show for each other to watch.  We had to watch at least 5 consecutive episodes, preferably from the beginning of the series.  After we had completed our task, we'd report to each other and give feedback.  The ultimate goal is to see if we get hooked on our assigned show.

My pick for Karen:  USA's Psych.  

Karen's pick for me:  TNT's Leverage.  

We are both really excited.  I'm going to Netflix Leverage right away.

Before I tell you why I chose Psych, here is a little bit of background on the series for those of you who do not watch it.  First of all, it stars James Roday as Shawn Spencer and Dule Hill, Burton Guster "Gus" and thanks to IMDb, here is a good synopsis of the show:

"A novice sleuth (Roday) is hired by the police after he cons them into thinking he has psychic powers that help solve crimes. With this assistance of his reluctant best friend (Hill) the duo take on a series of complicated cases."

One of the main reasons why I like Psych is because it's not one of those Emmy winning or even nominating series that everyone loves.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with award winning shows, but sometimes you just have to root for the little guys.  

Another reason why I like it is because it's actors, directors, creators, writers, etc., don't take themselves too seriously.  Their show is what it is and they enjoy making it regardless of huge recognition.  I especially learned this while watching a few episodes with commentary.  Everyone was laughing and having a good time.

While Psych's story lines aren't nail biting and usually predictable, they are full of great one liners.

And, of course, I love that Shawn and Gus aren't afraid to show a little emotion.  This clip is one of many when they demonstrate their high pitched screaming abilities.

(Sorry for the poor video quality.)

So, there you have it - one of many reasons why I like Psych.  If any of you would like to join in our little challenge, feel free!  Remember, watch 5 episodes and then give me your feedback!