November 14, 2016

a NOTE from me, a supposed SORE LOSER

"And to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and to achieve your own dreams."
-Hillary Clinton

As it became more and more obvious that Donald Trump was going to win the 2016 Presidential Election, feelings of shock overwhelmed me.  Complete and utter shock.  And as soon as the shock set in, so did my grief.

And my grief resulted in tears.  Lots and lots and lots of tears.

It's important to me that you know that I was completely surprised by my reaction.  I never expected to feel such pain when the person who I felt was so obviously qualified to be our next president was defeated by such a sorry excuse for a candidate.

I couldn't sleep Tuesday night, and I walked around in a daze on Wednesday.  I sat at my desk at work and watched Hillary Clinton's concession speech in tears, amazed that the people around me appeared to be functioning as usual.

As the days wore on, I decided I wasn't going to deny myself the experience of just being sad.  And I reminded myself that my feelings matter and that I have the right to feel them regardless of how that makes me appear to others.

It's important to me that you know that my sadness was not because Donald Trump won.

  My sadness was because I felt like I had let America down by not campaigning more.  I should've called people out on their inaccurate and outright lies about Hillary Clinton.  I should've canvassed more.  I should've made more phone calls.  

I simply should've done more in support of my candidate.

I grieved because, as Americans, we were so close to showing the world that we value female leadership by electing our first female president, but instead we elected a washed-up reality TV star that is the epitome of sexism.  I felt my value as a woman plummet in the sight of my country.

I've since began to feel better.  And, I've decided I'm not going to sit back and let the next four years pass by as if this colossal of a mistake never happened.  I've resolved to say more, to do more and to be more.  How can I not when I have two daughters to raise?

And if there must be a silver lining, I suppose that would be it.

I don't expect anyone to be feeling as I do.  And I don't want to be feeling this pessimistic about the next four years.  Let me say that again:  I don't want to be feeling this way.

But, I do.  

And I'm not going to apologize for my feelings.

And if that makes me a sore loser who simply needs to "get over it," so be it.


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