{CURRENTLY} May Edition

My life, in a nutshell....

Current Book

The Grapes of Wrath.  This book is killing me, but I'm determined to finish it.

Current TV Show
Have any of you seen Black-ish?  Hilarious.
 
Current Drink
Water.  And more water.  That's pretty much all I drink these days.

Current Food
 I find myself wanting sugar cookies too often.

Current Music
So, the playlist I find myself listening to most often {complied by yours truly} is called Let's Do This. It includes songs by Tori Amos, The Cure, Dandy Warhols, Bjork, The White Stripes just to name a few.

Current Guilty Pleasure
The Bachelorette.  I know, I know.  It's pathetic.  However, if it makes a difference in terms of salvaging any respect you may have for me, I usually fast forward until the end to see who gets eliminated.

Current Troubling Thought
How is it possible that Isabelle is almost done with Kindergarten?

Current Wish
I would love to go on a vacation.  Just me and Dustin and a new city to explore.  Maybe one day.

Current Looking-Forward-To-Events
I have two friends coming into town for visits during the summer.  It's gonna be awesome!

Current I'm-Sick-Of-This
The rain.  Yes, I said the rain.  Shame on me.  But, seriously, it's been raining almost every single day this month and I'm just over it.

 Current Oil{s}
I've been diffusing a blend of Lavender and Wild Orange.  It smells amazing!

...

What are you {currently} doing?

create your own {TIME}

I had the thought that my kids should see me doing things besides just cooking and cleaning.  You know, allowing them the opportunity to see that I have a personality and interests that extend beyond being "the little wife."  And since I had previously decided to read more, particularly the classics, I thought I'd enlighten my children by reading in front of them.  We went to the library one day and I checked out a copy of The Grapes of Wrath.

So, that was a month ago and I'm on page 95.

Apparently, casually reading a book while my kids entertain themselves is much more difficult than I anticipated.  No wonder I never read!  And, the guilt of doing something for me doesn't stop at the needs of my children.  It also includes the needs of my house.  Why would I ever read when there is laundry that needs to be folded and put away, dishes that need to be unloaded and loaded into the dishwasher, etc.  The list of things that I could be doing usually always trumps leisurely reading, even if no one is in need of my immediate attention.

The fact is, I don't feel productive if I'm reading.  And if I don't feel productive, I start to think less of myself.  And so I came up with this idea of how to indulge myself ever so slightly all while feeling productive.  I started including things that I wanted to do on my daily To Do list.  Among all the things I need to get done each day are things I want to do.

And guess what?  It works!

Turns out, the euphoria of crossing something off my list allows me to relax long enough to enjoy one chapter of The Grapes of Wrath {I had to extend my due date, by the way} each day.  And, when I'm done, I cross it off my list and can go about the rest of my feeling like I did something good for myself without feeling like I wasted my time.

I suppose the bottom line is this:  if I'm going to do anything for me, I have to plan for it.  That's sort of how adulthood is.  And even though that may sound frustrating, it's really not.  Being an adult blows sometimes, but there are a lot of perks to it as well.  Like, asking for a lemon with your water.  What teenager could get away with that without being ridiculed by her friends?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cross off "Write blog post" from my To Do list.

my {VIOLIN} + me

Every once in awhile, I'll catch myself being very narrow minded.  Typically, it involves me and my way of thinking and not necessarily directed at anyone...which is probably a good thing.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, Dustin and I were asked to play a musical number in church.  We, of course, said yes and began practicing for the big day.  We tossed a few ideas around as to what song we should play, but eventually we chose one we had performed numerous times before.

{side note}

I can't play like I used to - you know, during the years that I was taking lessons and practicing at least three hours a day - so, I always worry about how I'll actually sound in front of an audience.  This was easily one of my most embarrassing performances ever.  I mean that quite literally.  I messed up at the end of the song, which consisted of two half notes. Like, two slow half notes.  I somehow messed up the first note, did not recover at all and then messed up the last note.  I was in shock, honestly, and looked at Dustin and we both started laughing at each other because there was nothing left to do but just laugh.  Seriously, who messes up like that?

{ok, back to my point}

Later that week, I walked passed my empty living room and saw my violin case resting on the floor.  The girls were playing contently in their room, so I decided to get it out.  It dawned on me that I didn't have to be preparing for a lesson or a recital or a church musical number to play.

For some reason, I had convinced myself there had to be a purpose to play.  And, suddenly, my tunnel vision faded, and I picked up my instrument and just played.  I found a book of music that I first learned when I was 7 or 8, and I just played through it.  It was so much fun.  Memories of learning these pieces for the first time flooded my mind.  I was impressed with how familiar they all seemed.  One day, I'll dive into the more advanced pieces and see if I still have any of that kind of talent left in me. 

But, for now, I'm glad I've come to realize that there's plenty to gain from just playing for fun.  For example, gaining skills to avoid bombing future church musical numbers.

#myfingersfailedme

If you know how to play an instrument, play it!