April 12, 2010

is there LIFE after LOVE?

"If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it."
-Ernest Hemingway

I first read this quote many years ago. At the time, it didn't think much about it, but I was reminded of it the other day after having a conversation with my husband.

It all began when I started to think what I would do if Dustin died suddenly in the next 5 or so years. I felt really guilty having such thoughts, so I told him about it. He confessed thinking about the same thing which made me feel better. (If it was crazy to think such things, at least we were being crazy together.) So, we talked about it for awhile. We expressed what we would each do and also told one another what we would want the other person to do. We had some differences, but overall our agendas were the same.

Since the conversation I've come to realize that I would be able to continue living a happy, productive life even if I lost my husband. I can imagine my life without Dustin physically by my side. It's not the life I would choose for myself, but if I had to live it, I would. And, I would try to make the best of it.

Do these thoughts make me a bad person or reflect negatively on my marriage?

Do they make me seem indifferent about my relationship?

I don't think so. While conversations like this are difficult and not something I'd ever want to dwell on, I think having a plan is vital. We have 72-hour kits, food storage, so why not have some sort of mental plan in case one suddenly finds herself without her spouse?



  1. Yes dave and I have discussed this issue and we do have a plan if one of us dies and we have a plan if we both die. we have already asked a family member to raise our son and have figured out trust and stuff for the other kids that are older. its not fun but it needs to be discussed. but i grew up knowing who i would go live with if my parents died so i guess it was easier for me to discuss it and be more realistic as i was raised that way.

  2. You are further along than I am, Shell. I've been meaning to get together a will, but have never made the time for it.

    I had no idea you were raised with knowing who would take you if your parents died.


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